TUGS: Trapped

Another day, another review. We're Trapped with the TUGS this time around!

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AND NO ONE ELSE'S

Trapped

Written and Directed by Chris Tulloch

Captain Star explains that there's times when both Star Tugs and Z-Stacks have to work together; one of those times is bringing timber and tanning bark from the sawmills Up River; this year, it's extremely important. (No, that's not a capitalization goof; there is a location called Up River.) Zug has been given the task of hauling a rusty old tramper to the breaker's yard, but this extra task, according to Zak, will get Zorran cross with Zug. Meanwhile, we're introduced to Billy Shoepack the alligator tug who works at Up River - his task his transporting explosives from Mittsville to the logging camp. I'm sure you can bet why O.J. and Big Mac aren't the most comfortable around him.

Meanwhile, Zug meets up with a very annoyed Zorran, who "agrees" to "help" him get to the breaker's yard faster. However, Zorran pushes too hard, causing the tramper to jam the river, leaving Zug trapped with all the Star Tugs... or so he thinks. ("Once it starts to go, you cannot stop it," Sunshine quips.) It turns out Ten Cents had been bringing lumber-cutting machinery to Mittsville, and Zorran tells him up the "accident", so Ten Cents tells him to inform both captains and the salvage team while the Star switcher goes to investigate the scene.

Sunshine runs into Billy and explains about the blockage. Billy decides to use dynamite rather than a crane, much to Sunshine's dismay. Ten Cents encounters Top Hat (who's raised his wheelhouse to talk to him) and the former says he'll get help and later comes across Little Ditcher and asks him for help. Back at the blockage, Big Mac and O.J. decide to use a few barges to form a battering ram... which doesn't work. Then Sunshine and Billy turn up, much to the surprise of everyone else, and when the dynamite is rigged... nothing happens after a countdown. Turns out the fuse got wet. Take two - this time, the dynamite blows the tramper in half, but Zorran had just showed up on the lower side and he ends up on the rocks, much to everyone's amusement. Considering he caused the trouble in the first place, that's very cathartic. Billy is praised for his actions and I believe Zorran is brought back into water with Little Ditcher's help.

Out of the nine episodes that are 15 minutes in length, Trapped is one of those nine. The other four - Sunshine, Pirate, Munitions (which I'll get to later), and Regatta - are all 20 minutes - why all four of them are cut down to 15, I have no clue as sometimes, edits to cut down run-time leads to plotholes. Granted, Magic Railroad made it blatant, but that's irrelevant. The ending is probably one of the funniest and most exciting in any TUGS episode, like I mentioned above. Plus, the fourth wall break with Captain Star and Zorran was also amusing.

Rating: 10 out of 10

TUGS Episode Scorecard

1. Sunshine: 9
2. Pirate: 10
3. Trapped: 10
5. Quarantine: 9.5
12. Regatta: 9.5

TUGS: Pirate

I'm sorry, I kept holding it back due to a bout of writer's block. So, without further delay, we're back in Bigg City Port... and there's a Pirate on the loose...!

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AND NO ONE ELSE'S

Pirate

Story by David Mitton; written by Tarquin Cardona

Directed by David Mitton

Captain Star assigns Ten Cents to bring some engineering parts to Scuttlebutt Pete the dredger, but in the night, a mysterious tugboat steals the Star switcher's barge. The following morning, Zip and Zug accuse Ten Cents of stealing it, and Captain Star assigns him dredger detail as punishment, much to Ten Cents' dismay. Further taunting from Zak and Zebedee doesn't help matters, nor does having to do work for the Z-Stacks. You can't help but feel sorry for Ten Cents here - he thinks he's done his job and we believe him, but Captain Star doesn't. No, it doesn't make him unlikable; he's just doing his job as fleet leader, something I wish a certain group of Celestia-haters would take notice of?!

Anyway, that night, Grampus the midget submarine, who's unable to sleep due to the music, encounters a mysterious tug and is shocked to find him stealing Ten Cents' oil barge, and later on, the tug steals even more barges. The situation is so serious that the Star Tugs and Z-Stacks have to work together to catch the pirate in the act. This is awfully similar to Calling All Engines, isn't it - where two opposing sides have to work together in a crisis? And yes, I know the difference - in Calling All Engines, the steam engines and the diesel engines refuse to work together from the start, but they do so in the end to finish the airport and help clean up Sodor for the summer rush. In Pirate, the two rival fleets work together as the pirate could try to ruin their respective reputations.

Okay, back to the episode at hand. Some barges are loaded with flares to catch the thief red-handed - or, in this case, red... bumpered? (Is that even a word?) - and bring him to the authorities. Meanwhile, Grampus has found the thief, and discovers that he's under the command of two green-eyed tugboats holding his uncle hostage. Classic movie trope, innit - doing bad things against your will to save a relative's/friend's/lover's/etc. life. Although, this is the only appearance of all four characters, and they're never mentioned again, which is a bit of a shame, as we'll never know what became of the "pirate" (Sea Rogue) afterward. One minor quip here - what's the story behind his eyepatch? It's just... there.

Top Hat's been partnered with Warrior, much to his dismay, whilst Ten Cents works with Sunshine. I like the latter's role in this scene - he's been a similar situation (the previous episode, Sunshine) where he was innocent for something he was blamed for, caused by Zorran, and Sunshine sympathizes with Ten Cents' plight. Grampus emerges, and reveals that Sea Rogue has been forced to steal the barges, much to the switchers' surprise, and they set out to find him, but Zip and Zug think they're stealing more barges. Elsewhere, the green-eyed tugs make a plan to escape Bigg City, and cover up lightships and lighthouses to avoid detection, as well as covering bell buoys. Sea Rogue is confronted by Ten Cents and Sunshine, and explains everything to them, before they hide to avoid being spotted by Zip and Zug.

The Zero switchers find the missing barges, but are caught by the green-eyed tugs and they run off in fear. Grampus rescues Sea Rogue's uncle whilst Ten Cents, Sunshine and Sea Rogue charge at the green-eyed tugs, putting their lights out. Warrior, meanwhile, accidentally hits a flare barge. In the morning, he and Top Hat tow the villains away and Sea Rogue and his uncle head for home. Ten Cents' name is cleared, and Zug accidentally sets off another barge, causing him and Zip to run off again, much to the Star switchers' amusement. Considering they were mocking Ten Cents earlier, I'd say that (as well as the villains' scaring them off) is well-deserved.

It's amazing how they made twenty minutes feel like a movie; Pirate has the right mix of drama, comedy, and action - but then, every TUGS episode could fall under that category - and a brilliant moral on helping others and jumping to conclusions.

Rating: 10 out of 10

TUGS Episode Scorecard

1. Sunshine: 9
2. Pirate: 10
5. Quarantine: 9.5
12. Regatta: 9.5

Which Classic Rail Characters are Likely to Return?

On the Thomas Wikia, there's a poll going on about which classic series rail characters people would want to see come back. I'm going to be listing which characters I feel are likely to come back, from least preferred to most preferred. My choices might cause a bit of a stir, until we get to the top four, but bear with me on this.

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Least Likely: Smudger (63 votes)

Why would anyone want to wish for him to return? Smudger (or Stanley, if you prefer going by the books) was never intended to be a starring character - he was simply mentioned in passing by Duke to get Stuart and Falcon to behave, and was never mentioned again. Heck, no one gave a damn about Smudger when Duke was found! Unless they recreate Duke in CGI (and hopefully, get right what season four didn't), Smudger's a no-go.

11. S. C. Ruffey (35 votes)

He was pulled apart by Oliver and in the story, S. C. Ruffey was scrapped, and yet on TV, he was rebuilt! Considering the Spiteful Brakevan's death in season two, that's quite hypocritical of Britt and David to rebuild S. C. Ruffey. A mention would be fine, but a full return? Sorry - no can do.

10. Fergus (43 votes)

I'm hardly shocked that Fergus ranked pretty darn low. He's pretty much Duck and Ferdinand mashed with a rail-counterpart to Trevor (don't take it the wrong way) and he barely made any impact in the three episodes he appeared in! I would've preferred to have Toby in his place in Bill, Ben and Fergus.

9. The Diesel/Class 40/D261/D4711 (50 votes)

Like S. C. Ruffey and Smudger, D261 (or "Bowler", if you prefer) was intended to be a one-shot character. He was boastful in front of the steam engines, and he got his comeuppance when a bowler hat was sucked into his air intake. If he does return, they should restrict him to being a mainland engine only - maybe as a foil for the likes of Connor and Caitlin?

8. Stepney (238 votes)

Just make him a visitor to Sodor. His TV portrayal is just bad, and it ruins what made him a great character in the books. I have absolutely no idea why he ranked third on the poll.

7. Bertram (40 votes)

Wait, what?

Despite him being a Duke repaint, I feel Bertram does have a bit of potential - maybe he could be working at the Blue Mountain Quarry alongside Freddie and Mighty Mac, should they also reappear. I mean, it can't just be Luke working there all the time, y'know? Plus, doesn't Prince (Duke's counterpart) have/had a few sisters of her own?

6. Derek (58 votes)

Huh, this reminds me that I should take a look at Double Teething Troubles. Despite the criticisms season five has gotten in recent years, I do like a number of episodes - some even feel like RWS leftovers, and Derek's sole starring role is a prime example of this.

5. Old Slow Coach (34 votes)

Come on, people - why did she rank last? She could really work in the new series! With the appearance of the Slip Coaches, anything is plausible in CGI. Not too sure who she could work with though...

4. Murdoch (168 votes)

Now we're getting to the ones I'd go for too. We've got a lot of small engines on the NWR - isn't it time we brought in some bigger ones to balance things out a bit? We've already got Hiro, yes, but he's a visitor. The NWR needs a permanent strong goods engine, and Murdoch perfectly fits the bill.

3. BoCo (737 votes)

Yep, BoCo, the most well-loved absentee only ranked third. Why is he there? Well, he doesn't have much persona other than being good-natured, which is a trait shared by many characters. Yes, he'd complete the Wellsworth branchline crew, but his persona on whole is a bit too similar to Edward's. Add some more to BoCo's character, and he's good to go.

By the way, for those of you bashing Daisy and wanting BoCo instead - who cares?! Daisy came before BoCo; it's the writer's choice - live with it!

2. Arthur (148 votes)

Even though I prefer some characters over him, Arthur does have a ton of potential, especially since the Fishing Village has made a reappearance in the 15th season. Since Paul Larson did a great job with him in season seven, I wouldn't be surprised if he wrote for him again in the new series.

Most Likely: Duke (278 votes)

I bet many of you saw this coming, huh? Here are the reasons why Duke ranks the top spot:

1. The adaptations of his stories in season four were incredibly poor - even the good ones had problems. With the appearance of the Arlesdale Railway in Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure, there's a chance they'll re-adapt Duke and get it right.
2. Very Old Engines was never adapted for TV. That was another issue with season four; the Skarloey engines' introductions very much took up half the season and they could've been used for seasons two and three. Another reason is that Very Old Engines was a perfect build up to Duke, but instead, the latter was adapted first, and the story Little Old Twins from The Little Old Engine was left out completely.
3. The Mid-Sodor Railway didn't get much exposure. Should the writers ever feature the old railway, they could tell it in flashback and give the other Mid-Sodor engines a chance to shine, even if they only appear for one episode.
4. He completes the trio of himself, Peter Sam and Sir Handel. They are the three (known) survivors of the Mid-Sodor Railway, and as the Railway Series shows, they have a bond like you wouldn't believe - it even brings out a more sensitive side of Sir Handel!

TTTE S5E6 - Gordon and the Gremlin

In my Quarantine review, I mentioned that the Fultan Ferry made a cameo in Thomas and Friends during season five. Since Mike Nicholson suggested I review Gordon and the Gremlin next, how could I say no?

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Gordon and the Gremlin

Season 5, Episode 6

Written by Britt Allcroft, David Mitton, and David Maidment

When Gordon's fire is unable to light, the topic of gremlins comes up and James dismisses them as an excuse when things go wrong. The Fat Controller then assigns Gordon to take a very important passenger as she's heard the Fat Controller's engines are really useful, and he reminds Gordon not to go at high speeds as she won't like it. Later, the turntable isn't working with the special coach on it, and Gordon remarks that there's gremlins in the turntable, to which Percy adds they must be everywhere. Why is Gordon taking two coaches when it was said he was pulling one? Was it oversight on the filmmakers' part?

Meanwhile, at Kirk Ronan, the Fat Controller is worried about Thomas running late - turns out some cows strayed onto his line and he had to wait for the farmer. Also, Percy has no reason to be here. The visitor has arrived safely, and she's brought a dog along, specifically, a Dalmatian in case you didn't know. And what party is being held and where? Gordon leaves with the visitor and hurries to make up for lost time, although it causes trouble for the visitor when the bathwater splashes everywhere, which is actually pretty funny. He makes it to Wellsworth where Thomas is... Wait, what? How'd Thomas get there so fast? Is he using some kinda teleportation power I should know about? Why not use another engine for this scene?

Anyway, Gordon's whistle startles the dog, who runs into a bull, and then back to the station where he jumps into Thomas' cab. Nice use of stop-motion animation, by the way! The dog rides in the cab all the way to the docks. When the fireman inquires about the dog's name, the visitor decides to rename him "Gremlin", and the Fat Controller jokes about having met a gremlin for himself, and reveals that the visitor is his mother Dowager Hatt.

The story is fine, but it's plagued by a gaping plot hole about Thomas meeting with Gordon twice with the visitor. Like I said, why could they not have used someone like Edward or one of the Scottish twins? Had they done so, the plot would've been the same. I like this episode, but the plot hole is so obvious it can't be ignored - a shame as the rest of the episode was well put together.

Rating: 7 out of 10
(would've been around 8/10 if not for the plot hole)

Thomas and Friends Season 5 Scorecard

3. A Better View for Gordon: 9.5
5. James and the Trouble with Trees: 8.5
6. Gordon and the Gremlin: 7

13. Stepney Gets Lost: 5.5

14. Toby's Discovery: 5

15. Something in the Air: 9
16. Thomas, Percy and Old Slowcoach: 10

18. Oliver's Find: 7

25. Rusty and the Boulder: 5
26. Snow: 1

Why Do We Hate Each Other?

First off, I want to talk about something personal - the other day on DeviantArt, someone (for the record, I am not giving out names) accused me for being bigoted, just because I labeled ten episodes (thirteen if you count dishonorable mentions) of My Little Pony as overrated (that post long since removed). Okay, I have absolutely no clue why this guy even bothered leaving a comment on my DeviantArt page just because I have a differing opinion. Not everybody is entitled to the same opinion, you know!

Let's talk about the word "bigot" - it refers to someone who has no tolerance for those with a differing opinion. Other words that are similar to "bigot" are sectarian, racist, sexist, homophobe, etc. And let's talk about myself. Firstly, I absolutely loathe discrimination - it's wrong and abhorrent. Secondly, I have friends in real life that aren't Caucasian, and some of them are actually girls! One of them, Deborah, is Mexican, and yet she and I get on alright. Thirdly, I know of a lesbian married couple named Raven and Liz and we get on fine. If you're calling be bigoted, you're essentially saying I should not be friends with them - am I hearing you correctly?

I never consider myself a bigot - I consider myself opinionated, yet honest about my views, and always have been since I started this blog. "Opinionated" means that someone sticks to their own opinion. Now, you might be saying "isn't that the same thing as bigoted"? Yeah, but I'd never view myself being pompous or arrogant - I never fear giving my own personal opinion regardless if I agree or not. Is that a bad thing? Well, that depends on who you are.

Now, I want to talk about the hatred Ken Friedel received over his review on The Adventure Begins. Okay, I've read the comments and some of them say that his review is poorly edited, and some people even went as far to mocking his review and even telling him to kill himself. Seriously?! Attacking someone just because of one video? That's like giving Amy Keating Rogers death threats just because of one flaw in Filli Vanilli! Not only is it extremely immature, it's also very insensitive. Even if you don't like the person, you cannot attack them over one small thing.

Also, why do we attack people just because they like what we don't? That I find unfair - if you agree with them, great. If you don't, what's the point in attacking them? It just makes you look petty and mean-spirited. Is it our place to mock people who do something different? Have you ever been through what they're going through and now you're laughing at them? If so, then that makes you a hypocrite.

For the most part, nobody asks people to do reviews or share their thoughts on something - we write reviews because we want to get our thoughts out there and get people to understand where we're coming from. And we don't ask people to see our reviews unless there's a reason to do so. Granted, there's people out there who have done bad things in their lives, some of them so severe that we never, ever let them forget it for a long time.

Take a look at Jeremy Clarkson, former co-host of Top Gear. A few months ago, he punched a producer in the face and the BBC suspended him, putting Top Gear on hold. Even though what he did was wrong, people have been begging for him to come back. Prior to his suspension, that wasn't the only time Clarkson had stirred up trouble - he's mocked a few cultures (in the case of Argentina, he claimed he'd done nothing wrong), asked Richard Hammond if he was now mentally ill after Hamster's crash, was accused of running over a cow, joked about lorry drivers killing prostitutes, and even used the N-word in an outtake (that was his final warning). In that time, people have protested to the BBC to give Clarkson the sack because of his behavior, and I don't blame them.

I'm not speaking in defense for Clarkson's actions - what he did a few months ago was wrong, but keep in mind that we can't call him out for being a jerk if you've done similar stuff in the past. Has anyone heard of forgive and forget? Are the outcries really all that fair? Well, that can depend on how big it is.

Speaking of which, there's John Lennon's comments about the Beatles being bigger than Jesus Christ way back in 1966. In the United Kingdom, nobody really cared, but in America? People were outraged, even going as far to burning Beatles records and memorabilia. (Matters aren't helped by the fact that the American album Yesterday and Today had a controversial butcher cover, but that's another matter.) Of course, what Lennon said had been taken completely out of context, and yet fifty years later, people are still bitter about a mere misquote.

Ah yes, religion. Don't even get me started on the Westboro Baptist Church. If you want a prime example as to what's wrong with America and the prime example of bigoted fools wasting their time, there you go. I have never followed religion throughout my life, and therefore, I consider myself an atheist. Again, I don't discriminate those who are religious.

And now I can talk about both the Thomas and My Little Pony fandoms. Where do I begin? I could seriously ramble on about how messed up both can be, but long story short. many of them are excessively ungrateful and bigoted and hate anything that's positive. Whether it's Twilight being an alicorn, Thomas going CGI, the Equestria Girls spinoff in general, little stuff that isn't really important... And then we come to certain characters - Derpy loving muffins? Fair. Lyra and Bon Bon more than friends? Sure. Doctor Who-inspired pony? Why not? An episode with background ponies and a nonsensical plot? Oh yeah! Twilight with Flash Sentry? NO!! KILL HIM OFF!!

You get my point, right? Also, whose bright idea was it to ship her with Thomas? Not even TwiComet, my most hated MLP shipping, is that stupid! For those who actually ship them, at least they have the common sense to see that they're from the same universe. Thomas and Twilight are not - why is it one rule for Thomas and yet another rule for Flash? The sooner those certain groups of people realize they are the ones who are messed up, the better.

I ask you this - did I make myself clear in this rant? I wish to start a discussion and ask for your thoughts on the recent amount of hatred spewed across the internet. Is mocking people for doing something you don't like even the right thing to do? Should we be more sensitive to how people might react? I'd love to see what you might add, but if things go out of control - you know, if people become extremely disrespectful - I'll block comments on this blog. Here's hoping things become more controlled in the future!

TUGS: Quarantine

We're back with another TUGS episode - this time, O.J.'s in trouble and there's more trouble afoot when some ships are in Quarantine! Also, it's appropriate I'm reviewing it since it's boiling in California!

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AND NO ONE ELSE'S

Quarantine

Written by Tarquin Cardona

Directed by Chris Tulloch

A heatwave has struck Bigg City Port - any tramp steamer that come into port have to be inspected in case they contain any diseases that may be contagious. If so, then they're in quarantine for forty days. I like how Captain Star explains why such procedures are important; such diseases could risk health and safety of people. Meanwhile, O.J.'s engine has been acting up, and Burke and Blair try to get Captain Star to sell O.J. to them, but he refuses, although he does threaten to sell Ten Cents and Sunshine for scrap when they turn up late for briefing - I'm sure he was saying that out of annoyance. Ten Cents is sent to help O.J. with a fire barge while Sunshine is to bring in Nantucket the tramp steamer.

O.J., meanwhile, has a near miss with a motorboat but the barge he's towing hits the Fultan Ferry, causing it to sink. Nice filmwork with the underwater shot, although it wasn't mentioned if people were killed or not, but I digress. Interesting fact; it makes a small cameo in the Thomas episode Gordon and the Gremlin:

The Fultan Ferry in Season 5

Back to Quarantine, as the Fultan Ferry is rescued, Zorran and Zug accuse O.J. for causing the accident, even though it (partially) wasn't the old paddle steamer's fault. Along with Top Hat, the five tugs are informed by the Coast Guard that the schooners are quarantined, suspected of being diseased with Microbonic Plague (I don't know what it is either, don't ask me). Sunshine comes across Nantucket, and the tramper lowers his flag, demanding for a tow which Sunshine refuses, afraid of being infected. That's strong morality there; don't talk to strangers if they look suspicious. When Zorran confronts Sunshine, Ten Cents and O.J. show up, and Sunshine tells them, prompting Zorran to think Nantucket's been cleared. Ten Cents chases after him, but O.J. stops him, causing his engine to conk out, but the old paddle steamer doesn't care - he's glad that the two Star switchers are safe.

At the Star Pier, Ten Cents and Sunshine explain to Captain Star about O.J.'s plight when Burke and Blair make yet another offer to buy O.J. Luckily, Ten Cents convinces his captain that O.J. saved him from being quarantined, and so the captain sends Burke and Blair packing whilst O.J. goes for a new engine. As for Zorran? He's caught towing Nantucket and is forced to stay in quarantine for forty days, much to his dismay.

A rather interesting episode here. Once again, Zorran's overconfidence is his downfall, and he's rightly punished for it, plus his annoyance with Nantucket is really funny too - "You're a real villain, Dirt Bucket, you know that?!" What's also nice is that in gratitude for O.J. saving him from being infected, Ten Cents stands up for O.J. when his life is on the line, a bit like in Paint Pots and Queens when Gordon asks if Thomas can have his branchline back and the latter asks for the former to pull coaches again.

Rating: 9.5 out of 10

TUGS Episode Scorecard

1. Sunshine: 9
5. Quarantine: 9.5
12. Regatta: 9.5

TUGS: Regatta

Happy 4th of July, viewers! Hope your Independence Day went well (I know mine did), unless you're from the United Kingdom or some other country... well then, I hope you had a nice day.

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AND NO ONE ELSE'S

Regatta/4th of July

Written and Directed by David Mitton

Yep, Regatta is the only episode of TUGS to receive an alternate title. I believe the name change to 4th of July was to sell for American audiences, and possibly the fact that there are American hints in Bigg City, but I digress.

Anyway, Captain Star gives us a bit of insight to Lillie Lightship's importance, and how Ten Cents and Sunshine have the duty of giving her fuel to keep her light bright. Lillie is sad that she never gets to see the regatta, but the Star switchers promise to tell her about it. However, later that night, a thick fog rolls in. A wayward tramp steamer runs out of control, and despite Lillie blowing her horn to tell it to take caution, it runs into her and crashes into the rocks, leaving Lillie in danger of sinking as her lights short circuit. Luckily, the next morning, Grampus the midget sumbarine shows up and uses himself to plug the hole in Lillie's hull so she won't sink further. Lucky for them that a fishing boat has seen everything.

Meanwhile, at the Star Dock, Top Hat is delighted to lead the parade, but his joy is cut short with the emergency that Lillie is damaged, and so Captain Star sends Ten Cents and O.J. to rescue Lillie as soon as possible. Ten Cents collects a barge - against the Z-Stacks' threats - whilst O.J. collects Mighty Moe. Grampus is pulled free from Lillie's hull, and she's taken to Lucky's Yard for repairs - Ten Cents quips that she might be able to see the regatta, much to her delight.

Whilst the rescue is going on, Warrior has taken Lord Stinker the garbage barge to be filled up, but Jack the Grappler and the Garbage Master tell him that there's no garbage today - they're going to fill Lord Stinker with colorful garbage for the parade. Yeah, I don't get it either, but it's still quite funny. Anyway, Ten Cents meets up with Big Mac when both are confronted by Bluenose - he's looking for Grampus because he's going to be blown up for target practice. Despite Ten Cents' protests that Grampus deserves better for saving Lillie, Bluenose says for the Navy that Grampus is old and out of date. As they leave, Big Mac tells Ten Cents to find O.J. whilst the big harbor tug handles the barges.

O.J. tells Ten Cents and Top Hat that they have to act quickly with bravery, much to the railway tug's annoyance - Lillie's rescue was a distraction as much as saving Grampus from destruction is! Ten Cents picks up another barge ignoring the Z-Stacks' threats again, because O.J. thinks it could be substituted for Grampus. Meanwhile, the midget submarine awaits his doom, but the Star Fleet intervene at the last moment, and the barge is destroyed when shot at, but Grampus is still in one piece and safe. However, Zorran thinks the Star Fleet are stealing government property, but luckily, Hercules butts in and scares Zorran off.

Later, the parade begins, led by Top Hat, and is a huge success. Bit of a shame Zebedee was left out; nice to see Sally Seaplane, though. That night, Lillie is repaired and is pleased to see the regatta. In other news, Grampus has been saved by Captain Starr, and is now part of the Star Fleet.

I know some are going to comment that the Star Fleet shouldn't have taken Grampus from military ground, but here's the key thing - Grampus' life, in their view, was in danger, and they had to take a risk by saving him, and that ties into the moral that there's nothing more valuable than friends. Another moral centered around him is that age doesn't matter, especially when he rescued Lillie from sinking, and his false reward was being blown up (I think that's a metaphor for something), but his true reward was joining the Star Fleet. And that's probably the episode's overall message - nothing is more rewarding than being part of the team.

Rating: 9.5 out of 10

TUGS Episode Scorecard

1. Sunshine: 9
12. Regatta: 9.5

TTTE S17E7 - Henry's Hero

Well, I'm back in reviewing Thomas episodes once again! To start off, we've got a doozy from season 17! I'll explain why as I review it.

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Season 17, Episode 7

Henry's Hero

Written by Paul Larson and Laura Beaumont

Okay, let's get the elephant out of the room; Duck makes a comeback for twenty seconds that adds nothing to the episode, gets a starring role in The Thomas Way, and disappears for the rest of the season before returning in the following season. I'm not gonna bother with that because that's the least of my concerns with Henry's Hero!

After taking on some coal and picking up trucks from the quarry (how they got there when it's on Thomas' branchline, I don't know), Henry and Hiro begin emitting black smoke from their respective funnels (don't take that the wrong way) and they're informed by Duck that they must've taken on bad coal. Henry wants to return to the sheds to wait for fresh coal, but Hiro insists on getting the job done. I really don't like that Henry... well, I'll get to that after reviewing the actual episode. By the way, how can coal be clean? It's supposed to be dirty!

Meanwhile, Hiro leaves half of the trucks behind on a loop line and carries on to Brendam Docks, his smoke dirtier than ever and his firebox begins to make strange noises - surely he'd had at least stopped to be inspected? Hiro then picks up the other half of his train and delivers it safely to the docks. Then the Fat Controller assigns him to pick up iron girders from the smelters with Henry as his back engine. Hiro later meets up with Henry and tells him that he's managed okay with bad coal, so Henry leaves the sheds.

Out on the line, Henry's firebox starts to make clanking noises, and when he tells Hiro, the Japanese engine insists on keep going. That's another problem with the episode - and a bigger one than the Duck speaking cameo; the moral on not giving up is shoved down our throats! We've seen it before in lots of episodes and stories, and it was never that forced like it is here, and in the ending scene as well! Anyway, Hiro finally breaks down, leaving Henry to carry on pushing the train and Hiro by himself, and they make it to the docks on time. Later, they're repaired at the Steamworks, and the moral is shoved down our throats once more. Hooray...

And now I can bring up my biggest issue with the episode - Henry's character. I hated his portrayal in the Barlow era, and I hate that it was carried over onto this era! It's a painful reminder to how awful seasons 13-16 had been! Yeah, I know - if it was Percy, it would've sounded cliched, but Henry's supposed to be one of the bigger engines. Granted, he could be cynical at times in the classic era, but there were times when his good side actually showed up. His character is perhaps the biggest sticking point with many fans in The Adventure Begins, but I digress.

I read in a review about Henry Spots Trouble that if James was in Henry's place in The Sad Story of Henry, the plot would've been the same. Well, granted, the story MIGHT be the same, but what about the circumstances and implications? Prior to being bricked up in the tunnel, Henry was already a poor steamer, matters not helped by his similarities to Gordon, but after he was let free, Henry's problems got worse over time until his crash. James, meanwhile, is a modified form of a pre-existing locomotive, and I believe it functioned quite well in service. Had James and Henry swapped places... well, I'll leave it up to you to determine what happens.

As for Henry's Hero? Is that the episode people would find good? For me, no. I find it utterly boring and the most overrated in season 17! Not the worst, mind you (I'll get to that soon enough) - just the most overrated. Thankfully, it has nothing to do with Duck. Will I review Henry Spots Trouble when season 19 finally airs? No, due to the amount of hate it's gotten, I'm not gonna bother. I might watch the UK dub of The Adventure Begins however - if I can find one that doesn't look like it was filmed in front of a TV. And yes, I'm aware that not all of his Arc appearances are bad - Signals Crossed and Bill or Ben? are two excellent examples when he told off the character (Toby and Connor, respectively) for almost crashing into him.

Rating: 5 out of 10

Thomas and Friends Season 17 Scorecard

7. Henry's Hero: 5
12. The Thomas Way: 5.5

23. The Afternoon Tea Express: 8

24. The Smelly Kipper: 8

TUGS: Sunshine

Oh, this was a long time coming. Finally, I can get to review the episodes for Thomas' short-lived sister show, TUGS. What better place to start off than the episode which began it all?

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AND NO ONE ELSE'S

Sunshine

Written by Gloria Tors

Directed by David Mitton

We begin in the 1920s, and we're introduced to the Star Fleet run by Captain Star with his six tugboats - his harbor tugs O.J. (#3), Warrior (#5), and Big Mac (#2), his railway tug Top Hat (#4), his switcher Ten Cents (#1), and his ocean-going tug Hercules (#6). I know what you're thinking; why isn't Sunshine mentioned? Well, if they had mentioned him in the prologue, it could've spoiled the ending of the episode, but more on that later.

At dawn, Captain Star tells his fleet that he's charted an Up River tug called Sunshine to help with the extra workload and assigns Ten Cents to work with him. The captain adds that the ocean liner the Duchess is coming this afternoon and puts O.J. in charge of the operation whilst Big Mac leads the Duchess and Top Hat and Warrior assist on the side push. Meanwhile, their rival fleet the Z-Stacks (that's Zed-Stacks, by the way) - Zorran, Zebedee, Zak (not me), Zug, and Zip - led by Captain Zero plan to pinch the Duchess contract from the Star Fleet.

Later, Ten Cents is looking for Sunshine until the latter runs into him - quite literally, I should note! - and Ten Cents briefly explains to Sunshine on what's going on. Meanwhile, Zorran and Zak meet up with Izzy Gomez, who tells them that the Duchess has come in early, and the Z-Stacks report this to Captain Zero. Whilst Ten Cents and Sunshine deliver fuel for Sally Seaplane at Lucky's Yard, Ten Cents spots Zorran talking to Zip and Zug; they're plotting to get Big Mac stuck on a mudbank so they can steal the contract for themselves!

Warrior meets up with Izzy Gomez, and surprised by the tramper's news, he tells the other Star Tugs about it. Meanwhile, Zip and Zug succeed in tricking Big Mac, meaning the rest of the Star Fleet, with Sunshine's help, have to carry out in docking the Duchess without him. It's all going well, but Zorran goes for Plan B - get rid of Sunshine. So he rams against Sunshine's stern and he hits the Duchess' rudder, so Zorran can "help" the Star Fleet. Sunshine feels as though the accident was his fault, and Captain Zero is pleased with his fleet. Little did anyone notice that Izzy had seen everything...

The Star Fleet are cross with Sunshine for apparently ruining their chances with the Duchess' contract, but Ten Cents refuses to give up on him and goes out looking for him, but has a bit of difficulty with fog and Sunshine keeps evading him. Ten Cents does come across Lillie Lightship and Hercules, and later, Izzy Gomez, who reveals that Zorran was the one who pushed Sunshine into the Duchess' rudder.

Ten Cents returns to the Star Dock and tells the others that it was Zorran who caused Sunshine to run into the Duchess' rudder, and O.J. tells Big Mac, Top Hat, and Warrior to follow Ten Cents while the old paddle-steamer tells Captain Starr. They find Sunshine on a mudbank and apologize for accusing him for causing the accident. Oh, and Warrior remembers Izzy and goes off to give him a tow, which is pretty funny, by the way. Captain Zero is furious with his fleet now that they don't have the contract, but Captain Star forgives and welcomes Sunshine into the Star Fleet, and he becomes Star Tug #7.

A good first impression is very important for a new television series; if it does badly, then the show won't go very far. If it does very well, then the show might. For TUGS, Sunshine is accessible for anyone; it was fresh, unique, and it provided an introduction to what the show is about - two rival tugboat fleets competing for important contracts. Every story is unique in its own way, and Sunshine set up what the series would be like.

As for the rating, I'd say it's a very good 9/10 for me. The moral on jumping to conclusions was nicely handled for the eighteen and a half minutes of episode we got, although I don't really understand why they cut down five minutes worth of episode - if you cut out some of the important scenes, like Big Mac stuck on the mudbank, it's going to have plotholes and lead to some confusion! This won't affect my thoughts on any episodes are twenty minutes long, I just wanted to point that out.

Overall though, it's a great start to a very understated series.

Rating: 9 out of 10

TUGS Episode Scorecard

Sunshine: 9

Wallace and Gromit: The Wrong Trousers

To anyone reading this from the United Kingdom, happy Wrong Trousers Day! What better way to celebrate with the short film that began it the holiday - The Wrong Trousers?

In the film, Gromit obtains a pair of Techno Trousers for his birthday from Wallace, and later on, a penguin called Feathers McGraw shows up at 62 West Wallaby Street, leaving Gromit feeling ignored. However, he soon learns that Feathers is using Wallace to steal a precious diamond from the museum, and once back home, the pair (and the trousers) stop Feathers from getting away with his crime.

I wonder - how does a 30 minute claymation film engage me more than a 44 minute episode about rushed character redemption or a 60 minute episode with talking trains with racist implications? Simple; the writers for the film - Nick Park and Bob Baker - actually knew what they were doing, and told a solid story with visuals.

Speaking of which, one of the film's subplots is that Wallace and Gromit are in debt when Wallace receives bills in the mail, but he doesn't have the money due to spending it on Gromit's birthday presents. In connection, Feathers McGraw is wanted for a thousand quid as reward money, and since Wallace and Gromit caught Feathers, the pair are given the reward money and use it to pay their bills.

There's lots of moments where the visuals and the music (composed by Julian Nott) come together as one. For example, when Gromit spies on Feathers McGraw from a box, no dialogue is required to set the scene - just let the visuals do the talking! It makes it feel like a movie.

The suspense and emotions are done fantastically as well; you feel sorrow for Gromit when he thinks Wallace prefers Feathers to him, especially when it rains while he leaves. Then after he leaves, Feathers pulls out a drill in front of the Techno Trousers, and it fades to black, briefly leaving us to wonder what he's going to do, and then the following morning, it's become clear to us (and Gromit) that he's modified the Trousers to take control of Wallace, against his will, and use him as a tool to steal the diamond.

I can't review The Wrong Trousers without mentioning the iconic train chase now, can I? The way it was shot is absolutely amazing, especially since it was produced in the 1990s! It was filmed with go motion, using motion blur in each frame (this was also used for A Close Shave and Curse of the Were-Rabbit). The chase is unrealistic, granted, but do I care? No; it's meant to be silly! Besides, isn't Wallace and Gromit meant to be a comedy series?

Considering he's the only voice actor for the film, as well as in A Grand Day Out, Peter Sallis put forth his best effort as Wallace. It's a shame he's no longer voicing our favorite Yorkshire cheese-loving inventor, but then, Peter's well into his 90s and deserves a break. I just hope that this doesn't mean the end for Wallace and Gromit.

Final Thoughts

I absolutely love this film. The action is silly yet exciting, and the script shows that dialogue isn't always needed to tell the story. It might be 30 minutes long, but it feels like a movie. The Wrong Trousers is a movie I'd love to watch again and again. A pity I can't say the same for The Cutie Re-Mark or Day of the Diesels...

Rating: 10 out of 10

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989 Film)

So sorry I put this off; I've had other things to deal with and I'd forgotten to review this on the 22nd. But now, here I go with Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure!

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AND NO ONE ELSE'S

Excellent Adventure features our protagonists, the dim-witted, high school slackers Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted "Theodore" Logan of Wyld Stallyns (a misspelling of Wild Stallions, in case you're wondering), and their journey to pass their history course with an A+ so planet Earth can have a bright future, and their ally in helping them is Rufus from San Dimas, California in 2688.

Bill and Ted use the phone-booth time machine to collect several historical figures - Billy the Kid, Socrates (nicknamed So-crates), Sigmund Freud, Ludwig van Beethoven, Joan of Arc, Genghis Kahn, and Abraham Lincoln - for their oral report. They also accidentally bring in Napoleon (the short, dead dude) who's looked after by Ted's brother Deacon, and after finding Napoleon and saving their historical figures from prison for causing trouble at the mall, their report is a big success and they pass, securing their future (and Ted doesn't have to go to Oates Military School in Alaska).

Time travel stories interest me; what would it be like if we could travel to our favorite period of history? I've seen the Back to the Future trilogy (which I'll get to in a later review), and I've heard of Doctor Who, although it's a time travel series. Bill and Ted's story is about making sure their future has a positive outcome on the world, as well as the universe.

Speaking of which, Bill and Ted was originally going to use a car for the time machine, but it was switched to become a phone-booth due to similarities to the DeLorean in Back to the Future, and yet the phone-booth looks a bit like the TARDIS! Ah well. C'est la vie.

There's lots of funny dialogue in the film. Some of my personal favorites are when Bill and Ted cry out "Excellent!" out of excitement, and when they tell their past selves, "69, dudes!" (Don't ask me why I find it funny; look it up. How'd they get that past the radar?!) And yes, it's funny when they mispronounce "Socrates" as "So-crates" - it's pronounced "Sōkrátēs", in case you're wondering. Oh, and yes; if my best friend was hitting on my stepmother who was three years our senior, I'd be as mad as Bill too.

There's also physical humor throughout; when Freud holds a corndog or a cigar, it looks phallic, probably why the girls (that turn out to be the princesses from England) thought he was such a geek. And when Napoleon gets a gutter ball, he drops the S-bomb (as in, swearing) several times over in French.

In addition, in the Middle Ages, there's a reference to Star Wars with Darth Ted and Luke Bill, and the heavy metal pun. And there's hypocritical humor in the wild west when Bill tells Ted to have a poker face, and not ten seconds after, Bill realizes he's got three aces. No wonder Keanu Reeves became stone-faced in later movie roles...

If the third act confuses you, allow me to explain;

Early on in the film, Ted's father's keys go missing, and he's cross with his son because of it - the fact Ted's failing history doesn't help his father's patience at all. Then we must consider this scene:

Bill: If only we could go back in time to when he had [his keys] and steal 'em then.

Ted: Well, why can't we?

Bill: Cause we don't got time.

Ted: We could do it after the report.

Bill: Ted! Good thinkin', dude! After the report, we'll time travel back to two days ago, steal your dad's keys and leave them here!

Ted: Where?

Bill: I don't know. How about behind that sign? That way, when we get here now, they'll be waiting for us. *he bends over and picks up the keys* See?

Ted: Whoa! Yeah! So, after the report, we can't forget to do this, otherwise it won't happen. But it DID happen! Hey, it was me who stole my dad's keys!

Bill: That's exactly it, Ted! Come on!

Then they sneak inside the police station, and remember to get a tape recorder from Ted's bedroom to distract his father at 2:13 PM. Afterwards, they send a message to themselves, drop a trashcan on top of Ted's father in the jail cell, and do their report successfully. Afterwards, they return their historical figures home, steal Ted's father's keys, and the cycle is complete.

Similarly, earlier on in the film, when Bill and Ted first met Rufus, another phone-booth appeared with the pair several hours older, and a conversation ensures between them. Later on, we see Bill and Ted telling their past selves (or at least, Past Ted) to wind their watch. We also see the conversation Rufus had with the current Bill and Ted from earlier that we didn't see.

One thing I find odd is how on earth they struggled to fit NINE people in the phonebooth, and yet near the end, TEN people (including Napoleon) fit inside without trouble. There are moments where things show up from nowhere, like Bill and Ted knowing about Rufus' name, but... meh.

Overall, it's a pretty fantastic film, and it's another personal favorite of mine. It's a product of the 1980s, and Bill and Ted was from an era where movies and music were still at their finest. Oh, and rest in peace, George Carlin - it's been seven years since your death, and you're still dearly missed by all who knew you...

Rating: 9 out of 10

Henry's Worst Moments

Well, the episodes of Whale of a Tale have been released, and they're quite good... except for one episode featuring a certain green engine with the number three. I'm just so angry at that episode that I have to review his worst moments in the Barlow Era, and explain why his new persona should've stayed in that era.

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AS WELL AS THOSE FEATURED, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Of the Steam Team, Henry has consistently been given the short end of the stick in terms of character derailment. Edward had suffered in Edward Strikes Out, as did Thomas in one episode too many, whilst others like Gordon and James suffered from flanderization. Toby has suffered similarly to Henry, but I get to those soon enough. Percy and Emily are a topic for another day. But now, I'm starting with the episode which, I believe, was the start of Henry's downward spiral. In 2005.

Season 9, Episode 16

Henry and the Flagpole

Written by Paul Larson

A banquet is being prepared at the Scottish Castle. Henry likes going there as he can pass his favorite tree - the tallest pine tree in the forest. Surely there are trees taller than that? Or is it the tallest he can see? The Fat Controller sends Henry to pick up a new flagpole for the castle at Brendam docks, but Henry can't find the flagpole. However, he bumps into a flatbed, the flagpole rolls off, and Salty runs over it. Really, Henry? You couldn't see that it was on the flatbed before you bumped into it? And why were Henry and Salty not scolded for causing this mess?

Soon, Henry meets up with Toby, and apparently, the tram engine doesn't know that the tallest pine tree Henry can see could be used for the flagpole. Wow, both Henry AND Toby are idiots in this episode; a double whammy! The next day, Henry is to take workmen to the forest, but instead, he goes all around the island to look for a new flagpole. He sees flags being held by children, a flagpole holding up a windsock, and a flagpole near the beach. Yep, it's a three striker, very much like the three tall things Henry saw before he (and Salty) destroyed that flagpole. Annoyed with Henry's incompetence, the Fat Controller sends Henry to collect coal while Edward takes workmen to the forest.

The next day, Thomas (shoehorned like he usually is) meets with Henry and tells him that the thing you want is somewhere you wouldn't think to look. This part of the episode is boring and pointless. So, Henry looks everywhere, and even meets with Trevor, who will very much disappear into the background for future episodes. At Brendam docks, holidaymakers take pictures of an old ship with a very tall mast, giving Henry the idea to use it as a flagpole. At the forest, it turns out the tall pine tree isn't going to be cut down; the workmen need firewood for the bonfire. The banquet is successful.

Honestly, Henry wasn't the right choice of main character for this episode; if they gave it to Donald and Douglas - considering a deleted scene in Edward the Great - it would've been fine. But no. They had to give it to Henry instead as he needed an episode. Of course, he does try to save the tall pine tree from being cut down, and it's a similar case to the next episode below...

Season 12, Episode 5

Henry Gets it Wrong

Written by Abi Grant

Yeah, this episode is pretty much a blatant rip-off to Henry and the Flagpole above, and it feels like they wanted to fix the season nine episode, like how Pet Sitter Pat tried to "fix" A Pal for Gary, but it made things worse.

So it's said the wishing tree is the oldest tree on Sodor... yeah, sure. As if there aren't any other trees that are older than the wishing tree, which doesn't grant wishes, for the record. One day, after a summer storm, the wishing tree has been struck by lightning, and Henry is to take some special woodsmen from Brendam docks to the wishing tree. Henry takes the track passing the wishing tree and Edward tells him that special woodsmen sometimes have to cut trees down - surely Henry knew this by now, especially in Henry's Forest, which said you can't mend trees that have been felled? Remember this.

Later, Henry comes across Toby (with a snapped piston rod) and some oil tankers, and so he offers to take them for Toby. Why? Not to deliver them, but to block the tracks to the forest. Why would he do that when engines could simply shunt them away? Couldn't he have bumped them so hard they'd derail? Yeah, it'd be stupid still, but at least it would make some level of sense. He also takes Thomas' quarry trucks, Percy's milk trucks, and Emily's coal trucks, and blocks every track. Each segment was as long as one another, and it's tedious to watch and listen to after a while. Also, why did no one object to giving their trucks to Henry?

Soon, Henry has every track blocked, but he's taken so long that Salty has to take the special woodsmen instead. However, every track is blocked because of trucks in the way on the rails and not derailed. Did Henry think any of this through?! A CGI'd Harold tells Henry that the woodsmen can't get through to the wishing tree, surely they would've walked? I mean, it's not going to kill anyone to walk the remaining distance! So Henry clears all tracks and brings the trucks to their proper destinations and the woodsmen are able to save the wishing tree.

...except you can't, because if a tree has been felled or partially felled, then you can't save it. You have to cut it down instead. That's where Henry's Forest got it right and this episode got it wrong. Henry Gets it Wrong is a terrible rip off to Henry and the Flagpole, and the CGI doesn't save it from being bad. By the way, Henry's faces are creepy to look at. However, it gets worse for him...

Season 13, Episode 18

Henry's Good Deeds

Written by Alan Hescott

Let's start with the title; it's absolutely misleading. In no way was Henry doing good deeds for anybody. Even with the title fixed, it's still incredibly stupid. In fact, I'm surprised the episode doesn't make a lot of people's "worst of" lists. Still, let's talk about Henry's Good Deeds.

A new bird has been discovered on Sodor, creatively named the Sodor warbler. The Fat Controller sends for Henry to deliver a nesting pole to Bluff's Cove (which is on Thomas' branchline) and apparently Percy doesn't know what a nesting pole is. Yep, let's make him an idiot for the brief moment he's here, which was utterly pointless. Soon, Henry picks up the nesting pole and a coach and then he sees Thomas stopped on the mainline; he's letting Farmer McColl cross with his sheep. By the way, letting animals cross isn't a good deed - it's instinct we should take seriously as they are frightened of us as we are frightened of them. If we stop before animals, we're being sensitive to their surroundings and are saving their lives.

Influenced by Thomas'... *sigh* "good deed"... Henry sees Farmer Trotter's pigs at the side of the tracks, and then the muddy field on the other side, and then gets a not so brilliant idea by staying where he is so the pigs could cross without fear. By coincidence, they do, but Farmer Trotter isn't pleased as he was taking them to the county fair. But Henry gets another stupid idea by reversing, scaring the pigs and knocking over crates of apples. Fat lot of good that did, you big green dumbarse.

Thomas shows up again... somehow... but can't get across to the fenland fields, so Henry offers to take the visitors instead, and why was he going the opposite direction Thomas was going? Oh yeah, he has a nesting pole to take. I understand. Also, how did they all fit in one coach when it was said Annie and Clarabel - two coaches - were full? And why only five? Anyway, Henry, feeling pleased, blows his whistle which scares the Sodor warbler - yeah, that was a really good deed, idiot! Can you do anything other than screwing up your jobs?! Well, he's left the visitors behind. Big green git.

Lamenting his failed attempts at good deeds, Henry carries on to Bluff's Cove, and at the junction, the Sodor warbler lands on his buffer. By the way, why did it not fly away when Henry set off? It was scared by his whistle earlier in the day! At Bluff's Cove, everyone praises Henry for bringing the Sodor warbler to him. Really? Bringing birdwatchers a bird is a good deed? Wow, this episode really is stupider than I thought... Seriously, give the episode a new title, maybe something like Henry and the Bird, and it might've made some resemblance of sense, but no...

Two more episodes, and I want to give Henry a piece of my mind...

Season 14, Episode 20

Henry's Magic Box

Written by Sharon Miller

This episode was requested by Omeed Mirhakkak. I was going to save this (and the next episode) for December, but I feel I have to review this as soon as I had the chance, cause Henry's Magic Box is one of many disasterpieces in the Nitrogen era. There are so many reviews as to why this episode sucks that I don't think I have much to say here.

Three-strikes being utilized? Check.

Henry being an idiot? Check.

Pointless roles from characters without affect on the story? Check.

Pointless filler for most of the nine minutes where Henry worries and later on tells the rest of the Steam Team to come to Farmer McColl's by tea time? Check.

Yep, it's a typical Nitrogen episode, but what makes it worse? It had aired when Hit was still using the term Winter Holiday to be more politically correct, and we all know how that turned out... The plot of Henry worrying over a box - an inanimate object with no anthropomorphic features at all - is simply... well, it's stupid! That is like worrying over your television set at home while you're at work! When I leave for school, I never worry that any of my stuff will come to harm, maybe except for the chance that I may have left something behind, but I digress.

Another issue with the episode is that it feels like A Pal for Gary. How? Well, there's no scary creature that could give kids nightmares, granted, but Henry should not worry over a box, just like how SpongeBob shouldn't be worrying about Gary's safety while he's at the Krusty Krab! Maybe in season one, but that's another issue. And also, how did those trees fit in a single box? Are they secretly placing trees to mess with Henry?

I bet you'll want me to bring this up, and so I shall, the ending scene which has got to be one of the most infuriating endings in the entire series:

Narrator: The Fat Controller stepped through the trees. He looked just like Father Christmas.

The Fat Controller: Ho! Ho! Ho! Happy Winter Holidays to all my really useful engines!

Parent activists, is THIS the kind of tripe you want children to watch?! Trying to cover up Christmas despite that it's clearly visible on screen regardless if they're Christians or not?! And you can't use both terms Christmas and Winter Holiday at the same time, it just leads to confusion! Okay, they fixed it in season 17, but still! The Rev. W. Awdry was Anglican, and to get rid of the Anglican themes on Sodor is like getting rid of the underwater setting of SpongeBob - it does not work!

Henry's Magic Box has got to be the worst episode on the list, but I'm only reviewing the episodes based on airdate order. If I ranked them based on how much I hated them, this would be #1.

Season 16, Episode 5

Ho Ho Snowman

Written by Sharon Miller

Oh joy, we have an episode with Henry thinks a snowman can talk. We're going to have a fun time here(!)

Thomas and Charlie are shunting trucks... near Gordon's hill? Never start an episode with shunting on the mainline; that can cause trouble? Oh, and did anyone notice the story actually began ten seconds in? Usually, episodes start within twenty seconds, and to start an episode in half the time blows my mind, but it goes downhill (no pun intended) very quickly from there. And again, Thomas DOES NOT like snow; he hates it! And wearing his snowplough, but that's another matter. Oh, and stupid Charlie joke with an obvious punchline. Henry puffs by feeling miserable (then again, when isn't he miserable?) and tells Charlie he doesn't like snow, and is it me, or did he indirectly reference The Flying Kipper about toppling off the tracks in snowy weather?

So Charlie decides to cheer Henry up by convincing him that snow is fun, and so he hides behind a snowman and some trucks filled with snow, because... snow. Henry is startled when someone talks to him, and is surprised when the snowman tells him a stupid joke (really, it's Charlie), and Henry races off. Surely he could've seen it was Charlie?! Is Henry blind? Oh wait, but if he was, he wouldn't have been able to see the snowman. Charlie pretends to be the snowman twice more, and again, Henry is scared by the talking snowman and Charlie chases after him with the points set against him. Yep, a rare blip by Nitrogen.

Henry is at Tidmouth sheds, and Charlie puffs in to admit that he was the snowman, and apologizes for his joke failing on him. Emily and Edward then tell him (rightly so) the negatives of snow, and Charlie offers to help Henry, who accepts. Nice touch with the driver opening the shed doors, by the way. Also, why isn't Thomas fitted with a snowplough? Henry and Charlie make coal deliveries to Brendam docks safely and on time, and then they pass a tree with bright colored lights... It's obviously a CHRISTMAS tree! I know it had nothing to do with anything, but you can't get little details wrong, even if they don't affect the story! Then they return to the snowman and insert obvious joke to end the episode.

So, am I angry with Charlie in the episode? The answer is no; this is basically the young kid or someone who's a kid at heart trying to cheer up someone who's an old grump (Henry clearly wasn't) and get them to see the bright side. I believe Charlie's intentions, but the bad writing just ruined it. No, I'm more angry with Henry for being stupid for thinking a snowman could talk. I can say the same thing for Thomas and Edward for bowing to peer pressure so easily in Play Time and Charlie and Eddie as well, but I get to those soon enough. Ho Ho Snowman, on whole, was pretty ho ho horrible.

Final Thoughts

All five episodes demonstrate what happens when you focus on one aspect of a character's personality; with Henry, they focused on the fact that he was a poorly steamer before his crash, and they took the worrisome part of his persona and made it worse, just like how Patrick Star's stupidity became more obvious and unfunny in later seasons. For a story to be successful, you need to have the leading character well written, understood, and likable. None of those criteria were met with Henry in those episodes, and what made it worse was that it carried over onto the Thomas Renaissance, in Flatbeds of Fear, The Adventure Begins, and especially in Henry Spots Trouble (I'll review that episode when it airs in the UK).

Everything about Henry's portrayal makes me angry, and it feels as if the writers hate the poor guy! (Awdry might've as well, but that's another matter.) Why can't they take a page from Christopher's book (pun intended) and revert Henry to his grumpy old man persona? That's a far more relatable character that people can relate to in their lives! But instead, they kept treating Henry like a wuss, and this portrayal has made him one of my most disliked characters on the show.

Now, I don't hate Henry - he is a good character as long as he's in the correct writing hand - but I can't fully appreciate his TV series appearances if the writers don't give him the respect he deserves. If they can give Edward the dignity he deserves, why not Henry? If they aren't going to give him a starring role, they should at least try to get his character right! If you like Henry, stick to the books as well as the first five seasons. But now, Henry's charm has practically died, and Andrew Brenner is going to have a lot of work to do in order to revive it.

Episode Ratings:

Henry and the Flagpole: 2.5 out of 10

Henry Gets it Wrong: 1 out of 10

Henry's Good Deeds: 1 out of 10

Henry's Magic Box: 0.5 out of 10

Ho Ho Snowman: 1 out of 10

Thomas and Friends Season 9 Scorecard

2. Thomas and the Rainbow: 1.5

7. Respect for Gordon: 8

10. Rheneas and the Dinosaur: 1

16. Henry and the Flagpole: 2.5

22. Skarloey the Brave: 1

24. Thomas and the Golden Eagle: 1

Thomas and Friends Season 12 Scorecard

5. Henry Gets it Wrong: 1

9. The Party Surprise: 3

10. Saved You!: 3.5

13. Tram Trouble: 5

14. Don't Go Back: 1

16. The Man in the Hills: 1.5

19. Push Me, Pull You: 0.5

20. Best Friends: 10

Thomas and Friends Season 13 Scorecard

2. The Lion of Sodor: 1.5

3. Tickled Pink: 9

5. Slippy Sodor: 1.5

9. Time for a Story: 1

12. A Blooming Mess: 7.5

13. Thomas and the Runaway Kite: 0.5

15. Splish, Splash, Splosh!: 0.5

18. Henry's Good Deeds: 1

19. Buzzy Bees: 0

Thomas and Friends Season 14 Scorecard

1. Thomas' Tall Friend: 1

7. Diesel's Special Delivery: 1

8. Pop Goes Thomas: 0.5

11. Being Percy: 8

12. Merry Winter Wish: 1.5

13. Thomas and the Snowman Party: 0

16. Thomas and Scruff: 0.5

17. O the Indignity: 3

20. Henry's Magic Box: 0.5

Thomas and Friends Season 16 Scorecard

2. Ol' Wheezy Wobbles: 1.5

5. Ho Ho Snowman: 1

8. Thomas Toots the Crows: 1

10. Percy and the Calliope: 8.5

11. Thomas and the Sounds of Sodor: 1.5

13. Sodor Surprise Day: -10

18. Don't Bother Victor!: 2

20. The Christmas Tree Express: 0.5

TTTE S14E11 - Being Percy

Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it? It's time I got back to reviewing episodes of Thomas and Friends, and this time, it's a season 14 episode. Why? Well, I haven't been the most positive towards season 14 as of late, but I'm going to rectify that.

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Season 14, Episode 11

Being Percy

Written by Rachel Dawson

Yeah, I've really been tearing season 14 a new one, haven't I? There's the likes of Thomas and Scruff, Henry's Magic Box (which I'll get to in a later review), and Victor Says Yes (again, I will get to it soon), but then there's a couple of gems in that season, like Being Percy, for example.

Usually, I don't mention this in my reviews, but most episodes of the Nitrogen era do contain stock footage at the start, which very much adds to low production values. However, there was an unused shot from Tickled Pink, evident as James is shown in pink rather than red for some reason. With that aside, the episode really begins at Brendam Docks. Percy is about to collect his mail trucks, but Thomas and James - who have no reason to be here - are in his way. Then Gordon blows his whistle and Salty gets out of his way, giving Percy an idea.

When Gordon leaves, Percy demands for Thomas and James to get out of his way, which they do. Out on the mainline, Toby is in Percy's way, and he stops when Percy demands for him to get out of his way. Then Gordon passes by, even though he'd already passed Percy minutes ago. At the next junction, Percy gets off of Toby's line and goes as fast as he can. Unfortunately, he forgets to pick up his mail at Maithwaite.

Percy meets up with Alicia Botti at Maron, and she's waiting for Gordon to take him to Knapford, but Percy offers to pick her up instead (Thomas, Percy and the Squeak, much?). Unfortunately, he goes right past Knapford instead and continues speeding along the mainline. However, there's trouble in front - Gordon is on the same line as Percy! Luckily, Gordon is switched onto a siding, but unluckily, he hits the buffers and comes off of the rails. Feeling bad for the accident, Percy decides to just be himself and delivers Alicia Botti to Knapford.

Later, he meets with James and Rocky, who help him get Gordon back on the rails (why Percy couldn't take Rocky himself, I don't know). Then Percy finishes his mail run, and at Knapford, the Fat Controller tells him that he just wants him to be Percy.

Out of the season 14 episodes I've reviewed so far, this is one of the better episodes. It's got a moral that anyone can relate to - just be yourself, even though it has happened in other episodes... but I digress. There's the typical rhyming and repetition, of course, but otherwise, it's got a nice story, and that's what I like in a good episode. Coming from Rachel Dawson, sometimes one is all you need to make a good impression, just like Anna Starkey with Best Friends.

Rating: 8 out of 10

Thomas and Friends Season 14 Scorecard

1. Thomas' Tall Friend: 1
7. Diesel's Special Delivery: 1
8. Pop Goes Thomas: 0.5
11. Being Percy: 8
12. Merry Winter Wish: 1.5
13. Thomas and the Snowman Party: 0
16. Thomas and Scruff: 0.5
17. O the Indignity: 3

Top 25 Worst "Thomas is an Idiot" Episodes (7-1)

Alright, let's get to the really terrible - the episodes which, I'm sure, come to your mind when you think of terrible episodes in Thomas and Friends.

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AS WELL AS THOSE FEATURED, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Episodes Rated 0.5/10

7. Thomas and the Runaway Kite

Season 13, Episode 13

Written by Louise Kramskoy

Review by Zack Wanzer

Like the Logging Locos, Charlie is one of the more infamous characters of the show until his (debatable) redemption in Not Now, Charlie!, and I feel that he's also overhated - probably because I think Billy is a much worse character. Surprisingly to everyone, Play Time didn't make this list, or the bottom six. And yes, I'll get to that episode eventually. But as for Thomas and the Runaway Kite, I don't think I have much to say about this episode; three-strikes, alliteration and rhyming, Thomas claiming he's the fastest... there's nothing good about the episode except for the animation, voice acting and music - even though it's hard to appreciate due to the narrator, but I digress.

Coming up with another entry from season 13, it's Mattstonge44 with Splish, Splash, Splosh!

6. Splish, Splash, Splosh!

Season 13, Episode 15

Written by Sharon Miller

Review by Mattstonge44

Cue some stock footage for the first minute, then we get to the story: Thomas and Rosie were both shunting some trucks in the yards at first, and then after the guard blew his whistle, Thomas and Rosie both began racing back to Tidmouth. Along the way, they eventually sped through a deep puddle on the tracks (it had been raining of course), and they splash each other, thinking it was fun. Thomas then backed up and splashed Rosie. Rosie declared it to be a fun game.

Here is one problem: Yes, it is fun, IF you were a human child, but a train's wheels would eventually rust if they stayed in water for too long. An example of HIT just not caring one bit about railway realism at the time.

Cue the Fat Controller arriving in his car, and he has a job for the two tank engines: Alicia Botti is coming to Sodor for a concert at the Town Hall which will be followed by a meal. The Fat Controller orders Thomas to have a wash-down before picking himself and Miss Botti up from Dryaw. Rosie is then told to collect Annie and Clarabel and take them to Dryaw for Thomas.

This is where the ever annoying three-strikes formula comes into play: On the way to the wash-down, Thomas meets up with Charlie at a red signal. Charlie is standing right next to a big, muddy puddle. Thomas thinks splashing Charlie will be a good laugh and does not take the line to the wash-down. Instead, Thomas travels through the muddy puddle and splashes Charlie, who just laughs it off and thinks that Thomas has invented a very good game indeed. That is strike one, folks.

Strike two comes in very quickly: Thomas puffs on his way and soon meets Emily at the next junction. Thomas was supposed to take the left track to the wash-down, but he doesn't want to miss an opportunity to splash Emily with rainwater. So, Thomas doesn't take the track to the wash-down and continues straight through the muddy puddle. Unlike Charlie and Rosie however, Emily was not amused by Thomas' game (no, duh!). Unbeknownst to Thomas, the muddy puddle has splashed over Emily's trucks of flour for Alicia Botti's grand tea. Hoo boy, talk about Thomas doing something unknowingly stupid.

Now then, like I've told many people out there, while I still hate S13-16 with a bleedin' passion, I still like Emily so much better here than in S8-12. Sure she still had some ways to go before she fully regained her S7 persona again in S17-present and became my all-time favorite female engine again too, luckily she still wasn't a complete you-know-what (begins with b, middle has t, and the end has h), and I did feel sorry for her when Thomas the idiot Tank Engine splashed her, and ruined the flour in her trucks.

Anyway, strike three comes just around the corner. Thomas soon meets up with James, who pulls up next to another large muddy puddle. Thomas is sure he has time for one more puddle before going to the wash-down and makes a decision to splash James, too.

Me: (to Thomas) Don't do it you foolish tank engine! (Thomas splashes James) Oops, too late I guess.

The rainwater drenches James and his flatbed, which contains ripe strawberry's for Alicia Botti's tea. Like Emily's flour, James' strawberries were ruined.

Here's another little tidbit: Emily and James don't have brake vans at the end of their trains, when they should have them.

At this point, Thomas still doesn't go to the wash-down like he should've just done in the first place, he decides to instead take the track past the river where he knows there will be a big puddle.

Me: What an idiot. -_-'

Thomas soon sees a very big puddle situated beneath a bridge. Thomas races through the puddle at high-speed, sending muddy rain water flying into the sky. Little does Thomas know, the Fat Controller and Alicia Botti were both walking over the bridge, and the water falls down and soaks them both. Uh-oh, trouble!

Trouble yes, the Fat Controller isn't too happy, especially when he tells Thomas that he ruined the flour (in Emily's trucks) and the strawberries (in James' trucks) for the grand tea. NOW Thomas realizes what he had done, well it's too late, he was so stupid to splash everyone he finds to begin with. He decided to finally go to the wash-down, but only to find that splashing through all the muddy puddles has extinguished his fire. I call that karma biting him in the bunker.

Rosie arrived here, and Thomas pretty much BEGS (or asks, whichever you wanna call it) for her help, and she agrees to by giving him some dry coal and pulling him onto dry rails. Later on, Thomas chuffed on his way, he then sees yet another big puddle on the track next to him. This time though, he resists temptation and gets on with making everything right.

Thomas arrives at the bakery just as Emily and James had brought fresh flour and strawberries, and they were both very mad at Thomas, with Emily telling him that they will both be late for the concert thanks to Thomas and his silly game (silly? I call it stupidity actually). Thomas offers to wait for the cakes and deliver them so that Emily and James can go and get cleaned for the concert.

Later on, Thomas clattered into the Town Square with cakes for the grand tea just in time (as always, that's a recurring memo in S13-16). Thomas then apologises to the Fat Controller for once again causing... (sighs and deep breath) confusion and delay (geez, can't we ever get *causing a disturbance* instead?). Then, Rosie pulled up next to Thomas and tells him that she found another muddy puddle, which will be perfect for their game. Thomas declines Rosie's offer and says that he has done enough "splish, splash, sploshing" for one day...hopefully forever. Happy ending you might say.

Extra Thoughts from Zack Wanzer

...what the hell had I just watched? The plot is so stupid that even Charlie alone has more intelligent by comparison! The behavior of Thomas (as well as Rosie) is so childish that it feels like he has become the Benjamin Button of Sodor (apologies to Brad Pitt)! Even James showing concern for something other than his paint couldn't save this pathetic mess with no educational morals and so much cringe-worthy dialogue I feel my brain had exploded - twice! In short, Splish, Splash, Splosh! should never have existed!

Five more episodes to go, and I want to kill myself...!

Mattstonge44's Rating: 2 out of 10

The Railfan Brony Blog Rating: 0.5 out of 10

5. Pop Goes Thomas

Season 14, Episode 8

Written by Mark Robertson

Review by Zack Wanzer

This is pretty much Slippy Sodor (see part 1 of the list) all over again, and ten times worse. I did have a good laugh at the Fat Controller's hat being knocked off, but this episode is just awful from start to finish, and considering Mark Robertson's previous entries on the list, why should anyone be shocked?

Well, well. You read through twenty-one entries, and you finally come across a terrible episode out of season 10.

4. Topped Off Thomas

Season 10, Episode 14

Written by Sharon Miller

Review by James Riddle

We start off with Thomas boasting that he can race faster than the wind, even calling it "Mr. Wind". Then he meets Spencer at a junction and finds out he's taking the Duke and Duchess of Boxford and Sir Topham and Lady Hatt to tea. He mocks Thomas for not being faster than him, causing Thomas to make a brand new angry face and challenge Spencer to a race.

Eventually they get to Kellsthorpe Station. Spencer stops, but Thomas races through at such a speed, Sir Topham Hatt's hat blows off. Thomas then goes to fetch it.

He goes all over Sodor chasing after the hat, from Bertie the Bus, to a Scarecrow, and a windmill, but the wind kept blowing it away. At last, he gives up and asks "Mr. Wind" to help him. Suddenly the wind lowers the hat onto Thomas's funnel, and he puffs carefully back to Kellsthorpe and makes the hat go onto the platform.

And now for the problems. First, why does Thomas refer to the wind as "Mr. Wind"? Couldn't he just say "I can race faster than the wind"? Second, why did Sir Topham Hatt say you're supposed to go slowly through stations when trains like the express have to go fast through certian stations? Just doesn't make sense. And third, why didn't he just buy another hat instead of having Thomas chase after it? Back to the "Mr. Wind" thing, how did the wind hear Thomas and lower the hat to his funnel? Almost kinda takes me back to Domeless Engines where it acted like the wind had a mind of its own. And how was it that even though Thomas went slowly, the hat didn't blow off from the breeze? Couldn't it have been caught by one of the crews?

Wasn't as good an episode as Too Hot for Thomas. Most memorable from this episode was Thomas's new face.

Extra Thoughts from Zack Wanzer

I didn't bother watching this episode, and with good reason too - it was downright stupid! Giving a force of nature a gender is like banning a kids show for showing woman's breasts - it's really stupid and pointless. That pretty much sums up Topped Off Thomas and Thomas' Frosty Friend (if I did include the latter on the list, as well as two certain S15 episodes, it'd be #4 at the highest). Having more episodes in a season doesn't mean it'll be better, and those two episodes sadly proved why that was the case. Thomas and Spencer's new facemasks were funny, but they didn't save the episode from being stupid. Seriously, Sir Topham - why can you not buy yourself a new hat?! I mean, do you have more money than common sense? Judging by this episode, you clearly do...

James Riddle's Rating: 5 out of 10

The Railfan Brony Blog Rating: 0.5 out of 10

3. Thomas and Scruff

Season 14, Episode 16

Written by Sharon Miller

Review by Zack Wanzer

Remember the issues I had with The Trouble with Mud about Gordon being forbidden to pull coaches just for being dirty? Well, Thomas and Scruff brings these problems to the forefront and does them ten, maybe twenty, times worse!

Whiff is shunting trucks at the rubbish dump when Thomas comes in. Whiff tells Thomas that he's very busy and must be finished by tea time. Thomas tells Whiff that he'll be getting a helper called Scruff the Scruncher and is going to meet with him at Brendam Docks? Really? Can you not introduce a new character alongside Thomas? Granted, it had happened in Welcome Stafford, but Thomas wasn't the main character, he was just shoehorned for no reason at all. Anyway, at Brendam Docks, Thomas meets with Scruff, and then we come to this line of dialogue:

"Thomas liked Scruff, but he was worried - really useful engines couldn't be really dirty ones."

Seriously, Miller?! Like, thirty seconds ago, Thomas was actually friendly with Whiff, who is even dirtier than Scruff, and now he's being discriminatory - again - to Scruff for being dirty?! Engines get dirty all the time and yet no one gives a damn, unless it's for passenger runs and special events like enthusiasts specials! Honestly, the implications left behind throughout the Nitrogen era are absolutely horrifying! (Trust me, it'll get worse from here on out...)

Thomas decides to give Scruff a "Welcome to Sodor" surprise (yay(!)) by giving Scruff a washdown. This terrifies Scruff and he runs away... again, seriously, Miller? An engine who's afraid of being cleaned with soap suds and brushes? That's like being afraid of sitting on the floor in your house - it's completely absolutely illogical!

Insert cliched chase scene that's absolutely pointless. Scruff hides behind bushes and won't come out. Then Gordon shows up with the express, followed by Henry, who is then followed by Percy with his mail train. This could've been cut completely, and you'd barely tell the difference... Whiff comes by with a long train of rubbish trucks, and he wonders where Scruff is. After Whiff leaves, Thomas manages to get Scruff out of his hiding spot by telling him there's trucks of rubbish waiting to be shunted (I know Thomas said "scrunched", but he probably meant "shunted") and that gets Scruff out of his hiding spot.

After picking up rubbish at the Steamworks, Knapford station, and the quarry, Thomas and Scruff make it to the rubbish dump where the latter meets with Whiff and they have fun.

All that Sharon Miller's scripts (eight of them) I've included on the list prove to me her strengths and weaknesses as a writer - if Sam Barlow's writing staff was a sports team, then Miss Miller would be better at playing offense rather than defense. Her writing for the characters of the show can come across as annoyingly repetitive at the best of times, and hypocritically discriminatory at the worst of times. As for Thomas and Scruff, I never liked the episode at all, for it's so boring and predictable, but then, that's what most episodes on this list so far have been. If it wasn't for that discriminatory comment, then the episode would've faded into obscurity and it wouldn't have ended up on this list. Okay, maybe it would've, but still. However, apart from Buzzy Bees, it gets worse from there...

Episodes Rated 0/10

2. Thomas and the Snowman Party

Season 14, Episode 13

Written by Jessica Sandys Clarke

Review by Zack Wanzer

Ugh... worst episode of season fourteen; terrible moral that stealing is okay, the use of Winter Holiday, the mention of Thomas and Percy as best friends, the alliteration and rhyming, the three-strikes - it snowballs (no pun intended) into one big, boring pile of garbage. Excluding Thomas' Frosty Friend, Up, Up and Away, and Wonky Whistle, we've got one more episode to cover...

And the loser is...

Ever wondered if Sam Barlow's writing team found a way to make an episode worse than Wonky Whistle and Fiery Flynn? No? Well, I'm not going to sugarcoat anything beyond this point; bottom line, Sodor Surprise Day is my new most hated episode of the show. Yes, I hate it more than season 15's biggest failures. The episode is just reprehensible from beginning to end, and it's done to me what Pet Sitter Pat has done to Mr. Enter...

1. Sodor Surprise Day

Season 16, Episode 13

Written by Jessica Kedward and Kirsty Peart

Review by Zack Wanzer

It starts off at Tidmouth Sheds where Thomas and Charlie are on either side of Gordon "surprising" each other. I agree with Gordon when he says "Sodor Surprise Day is a silly day for silly engines." Plus, Sodor Surprise Day is a stupid idea for a holiday as well. This scene could, and should have been, cut out of the episode, and the plot would still be the same. The Fat Controller announces that there will be a fireworks display at Callan Castle. Thomas is to collect the bunting at Maithwaite, and Gordon the fireworks at Brendam Docks. Gordon's attitude in that episode pretty much sums up my feelings to this pathetic excuse of an episode.

Anyhoo, Thomas decides to try and make Gordon laugh, and so he comes across Rosie shunting coal trucks and gives her a surprise just as Gordon shows up. Rosie laughs, but Gordon doesn't, and neither do I. How is this funny?! Later, Thomas comes across Whiff and gives him the same surprise he did with Rosie, and there's incredibly forced laughter and flying rubbish. IT'S STILL NOT FUNNY!! And also, how does Thomas get to Whiff before Gordon does? The loop-line strikes again(!)

Thomas shows up at Brendam Docks and "hides" behind some trucks. Gordon shows up, and as Cranky lists up the crate of fireworks, Thomas blows his whistle, causing Cranky to drop the fireworks and they fly everywhere... No, no, and NO! That is where I draw the line with playing in a dangerous environment! Those fireworks could've killed somebody and caused damage! I mean, seriously - were the writers so nonchalant to railway safety?! Oh, but it gets worse; the Fat Controller shows up and scolds Thomas for causing so much trouble and for not picking up the bunting... instead of, oh I don't know, telling him off for horseplay?! And what's actually sad is that Thomas decides to get Sodor Surprise Day back on track and he is rewarded for his naughty behavior with a washdown?!

I don't know what to say. Sodor Surprise Day has pretty much summed up just how stupid Thomas has acted throughout the Barlow era. The writers had done so much effort to make the little blue tank engine an absolute idiot, just as big of an idiot as a yellow sponge who abuses his pet and stalks his neighbor for a living. Thomas also displayed no concept of right and wrong, and he had become a sociopathic tank engine, thinking that he can get away with everything, without giving a damn as to whether or not people around him get killed or injured. It also affects the engines he would pretend to be friends with, those he pretended to laugh and play with. Why would people say that this was for kids?! This better not be for kids! I would never let my kids watch episodes like this, Wonky Whistle or Fiery Flynn, would you?

And so, to end this abomination, Harold the helicopter flies in covered in lights and it gets to Gordon to finally laugh, even though I'm certainly not laughing right now and instead, I'm cringing. It's not funny, not even the slightest bit "laugh out loud" funny!

Nothing about this episode is funny; it's so poorly written to the point it feels like the writers pulled the story out of their asses, and the implications left behind are absolutely terrifying. Childish behavior being performed in dangerous environments should be punished, and apparently, the writers forgot about that! Thomas and Friends was a successful show because while the stories were railway-based, they could tell entertaining stories with solid morals, and the writers knew right from wrong, and they did their research to boot. Plus, Thomas was actually a lovable character with charm that many kids could relate to. But throughout this list, he had morphed from being the cheeky station pilot who longed to see the world to a rhyming, racist, brain-dead idiot (apologizes to the mentally ill) who thought that he could do whatever the hell he liked! It had gotten on to the point that the writers thought it was funny! If the likes of Wonky Whistle, Up, Up and Away, Thomas' Frosty Friend, and Buzzy Bees are meant to be entertaining for kids, then Sodor Surprise Day is meant to be entertaining for kids!

Sodor Surprise Day, it is the absolute worst episode of Thomas and Friends, and it shows just how stupid the blue tank engine had become in seven years! Okay, they fixed him in season 17, but the damage has long since been done; the scars are too deep! If you have at least one brain cell and appreciate good story-telling, don't waste your time on this piece of rubbish!

...I'm done here. I am so enraged by Sodor Surprise Day - and perhaps the entirety of the list - to the point I want to use words I should not say here! The stupidity of the characters, the concept of this crapfest, the unfunny jokes, the unfortunate implications, just about EVERYTHING in this episode is downright reprehensible! I may be done with this list, but I am not done with the Barlow Era yet; there are a crapload of bad and terrible episodes for me to rip apart...!

Rating: -10 out of 10

 (it really is that bad...)

The True List

1. Sodor Surprise Day - -10/10

2. Wonky Whistle - -5/10

3. Up, Up and Away - 0/10

4. Thomas' Frosty Friend - 0/10
5. Thomas and the Snowman Party - 0/10
6. Buzzy Bees - 0/10

7. Thomas and Scruff - 0.5/10

8. Topped Off Thomas - 0.5/10

9. Pop Goes Thomas - 0.5/10

10. Splish, Splash, Splosh! - 0.5/10
11. Thomas and the Runaway Kite - 0.5/10

12. Time for a Story - 1/10
13. Don't Go Back - 1/10
14. Thomas Toots the Crows - 1/10
15. Smoke and Mirrors - 1/10
16. Let it Snow - 1/10

17. Thomas' Tall Friend - 1/10

18. Thomas Sets Sail - 1/10

19. Thomas and the Big Bang - 1/10

20. Thomas and the Golden Eagle - 1/10

21. The Man in the Hills - 1.5/10

22. Ol' Wheezy Wobbles - 1.5/10

23. Slippy Sodor - 1.5/10

24. Thomas and the Sounds of Sodor - 1.5/10
25. Merry Winter Wish - 1.5/10

26. The Lion of Sodor - 1.5/10

27. Thomas and the Rainbow - 1.5/10

28. Too Hot for Thomas - 2/10

29. Thomas' Tricky Tree - 2.5/10

30. Scaredy Engines - 3/10
31. Saved You! - 3.5/10

EPISODE SCORECARDS (out of 10 possible points)

Thomas and Friends Season 6 Scorecard

10. Twin Trouble: 7.5

12. Scaredy Engines: 3

17. Gordon Takes a Tumble: 8.5

24. Dunkin Duncan: 8

25. Rusty Saves the Day: 2.5

26. Faulty Whistles: 8.5

Thomas and Friends Season 8 Scorecard

4. Henry and the Wishing Tree: 7.5
22. You Can Do it, Toby!: 4.5
25. Too Hot for Thomas: 2 (officially)

Thomas and Friends Season 9 Scorecard

2. Thomas and the Rainbow: 1.5
7. Respect for Gordon: 8
10. Rheneas and the Dinosaur: 1
22. Skarloey the Brave: 1
24. Thomas and the Golden Eagle: 1

Thomas and Friends Season 10 Scorecard

7. Thomas' Tricky Tree: 2.5
8. Toby's Afternoon Off: 7.5

9. It's Good to be Gordon: 9

13. Edward Strikes Out: 1
14. Topped Off Thomas: 0.5 (officially)

20. Thomas' Frosty Friend: 0
27. James the Second Best: 5

Thomas and Friends Season 11 Scorecard

6. Gordon and the Engineer: 9.5
10. Thomas and the Big Bang: 1
11. Smoke and Mirrors: 1
12. Thomas Sets Sail: 1 (officially)
13. Don't Be Silly, Billy: 0.5
17. Thomas and the Runaway Car: 8.5
18. Thomas in Trouble: 7
22. Sir Handel in Charge: 1.5

Thomas and Friends Season 12 Scorecard

9. The Party Surprise: 3
10. Saved You!: 3.5
13. Tram Trouble: 5
14. Don't Go Back: 1
16. The Man in the Hills: 1.5
19. Push Me, Pull You: 0.5
20. Best Friends: 10

Thomas and Friends Season 13 Scorecard

2. The Lion of Sodor: 1.5
3. Tickled Pink: 9
5. Slippy Sodor: 1.5
9. Time for a Story: 1
12. A Blooming Mess: 7.5
13. Thomas and the Runaway Kite: 0.5
15. Splish, Splash, Splosh!: 0.5 (officially)
19. Buzzy Bees: 0

Thomas and Friends Season 14 Scorecard

1. Thomas' Tall Friend: 1 (officially)
7. Diesel's Special Delivery: 1
8. Pop Goes Thomas: 0.5
12. Merry Winter Wish: 1.5
13. Thomas and the Snowman Party: 0
16. Thomas and Scruff: 0.5
17. O the Indignity: 3

Thomas and Friends Season 15 Scorecard

6. James to the Rescue: 0.5

8. Up, Up and Away!: 0
9. Henry's Happy Coal: 5.5
10. Let it Snow: 1
13. Stop That Bus!: 6

17. Wonky Whistle: -5

20. Fiery Flynn: -8

Thomas and Friends Season 16 Scorecard

2. Ol' Wheezy Wobbles: 1.5
8. Thomas Toots the Crows: 1
10. Percy and the Calliope: 8.5
11. Thomas and the Sounds of Sodor: 1.5
13. Sodor Surprise Day: -10
18. Don't Bother Victor!: 2
20. The Christmas Tree Express: 0.5