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Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Top 25 Worst "Thomas is an Idiot" Episodes (7-1)

Alright, let's get to the really terrible - the episodes which, I'm sure, come to your mind when you think of terrible episodes in Thomas and Friends.

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AS WELL AS THOSE FEATURED, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Episodes Rated 0.5/10

7. Thomas and the Runaway Kite
Season 13, Episode 13
Written by Louise Kramskoy
Review by Zack Wanzer
Like the Logging Locos, Charlie is one of the more infamous characters of the show until his (debatable) redemption in Not Now, Charlie!, and I feel that he's also overhated - probably because I think Billy is a much worse character. Surprisingly to everyone, Play Time didn't make this list, or the bottom six. And yes, I'll get to that episode eventually. But as for Thomas and the Runaway Kite, I don't think I have much to say about this episode; three-strikes, alliteration and rhyming, Thomas claiming he's the fastest... there's nothing good about the episode except for the animation, voice acting and music - even though it's hard to appreciate due to the narrator, but I digress.

Coming up with another entry from season 13, it's Mattstonge44 with Splish, Splash, Splosh!


6. Splish, Splash, Splosh!
Season 13, Episode 15
Written by Sharon Miller
Review by Mattstonge44
Cue some stock footage for the first minute, then we get to the story: Thomas and Rosie were both shunting some trucks in the yards at first, and then after the guard blew his whistle, Thomas and Rosie both began racing back to Tidmouth. Along the way, they eventually sped through a deep puddle on the tracks (it had been raining of course), and they splash each other, thinking it was fun. Thomas then backed up and splashed Rosie. Rosie declared it to be a fun game.

Here is one problem: Yes, it is fun, IF you were a human child, but a train's wheels would eventually rust if they stayed in water for too long. An example of HIT just not caring one bit about railway realism at the time.

Cue the Fat Controller arriving in his car, and he has a job for the two tank engines: Alicia Botti is coming to Sodor for a concert at the Town Hall which will be followed by a meal. The Fat Controller orders Thomas to have a wash-down before picking himself and Miss Botti up from Dryaw. Rosie is then told to collect Annie and Clarabel and take them to Dryaw for Thomas.

This is where the ever annoying three-strikes formula comes into play: On the way to the wash-down, Thomas meets up with Charlie at a red signal. Charlie is standing right next to a big, muddy puddle. Thomas thinks splashing Charlie will be a good laugh and does not take the line to the wash-down. Instead, Thomas travels through the muddy puddle and splashes Charlie, who just laughs it off and thinks that Thomas has invented a very good game indeed. That is strike one, folks.

Strike two comes in very quickly: Thomas puffs on his way and soon meets Emily at the next junction. Thomas was supposed to take the left track to the wash-down, but he doesn't want to miss an opportunity to splash Emily with rainwater. So, Thomas doesn't take the track to the wash-down and continues straight through the muddy puddle. Unlike Charlie and Rosie however, Emily was not amused by Thomas' game (no, duh!). Unbeknownst to Thomas, the muddy puddle has splashed over Emily's trucks of flour for Alicia Botti's grand tea. Hoo boy, talk about Thomas doing something unknowingly stupid.

Now then, like I've told many people out there, while I still hate S13-16 with a bleedin' passion, I still like Emily so much better here than in S8-12. Sure she still had some ways to go before she fully regained her S7 persona again in S17-present and became my all-time favorite female engine again too, luckily she still wasn't a complete you-know-what (begins with b, middle has t, and the end has h), and I did feel sorry for her when Thomas the idiot Tank Engine splashed her, and ruined the flour in her trucks.

Anyway, strike three comes just around the corner. Thomas soon meets up with James, who pulls up next to another large muddy puddle. Thomas is sure he has time for one more puddle before going to the wash-down and makes a decision to splash James, too.

Me: (to Thomas) Don't do it you foolish tank engine! (Thomas splashes James) Oops, too late I guess.

The rainwater drenches James and his flatbed, which contains ripe strawberry's for Alicia Botti's tea. Like Emily's flour, James' strawberries were ruined.

Here's another little tidbit: Emily and James don't have brake vans at the end of their trains, when they should have them.

At this point, Thomas still doesn't go to the wash-down like he should've just done in the first place, he decides to instead take the track past the river where he knows there will be a big puddle.

Me: What an idiot. -_-'

Thomas soon sees a very big puddle situated beneath a bridge. Thomas races through the puddle at high-speed, sending muddy rain water flying into the sky. Little does Thomas know, the Fat Controller and Alicia Botti were both walking over the bridge, and the water falls down and soaks them both. Uh-oh, trouble!

Trouble yes, the Fat Controller isn't too happy, especially when he tells Thomas that he ruined the flour (in Emily's trucks) and the strawberries (in James' trucks) for the grand tea. NOW Thomas realizes what he had done, well it's too late, he was so stupid to splash everyone he finds to begin with. He decided to finally go to the wash-down, but only to find that splashing through all the muddy puddles has extinguished his fire. I call that karma biting him in the bunker.

Rosie arrived here, and Thomas pretty much BEGS (or asks, whichever you wanna call it) for her help, and she agrees to by giving him some dry coal and pulling him onto dry rails. Later on, Thomas chuffed on his way, he then sees yet another big puddle on the track next to him. This time though, he resists temptation and gets on with making everything right.

Thomas arrives at the bakery just as Emily and James had brought fresh flour and strawberries, and they were both very mad at Thomas, with Emily telling him that they will both be late for the concert thanks to Thomas and his silly game (silly? I call it stupidity actually). Thomas offers to wait for the cakes and deliver them so that Emily and James can go and get cleaned for the concert.

Later on, Thomas clattered into the Town Square with cakes for the grand tea just in time (as always, that's a recurring memo in S13-16). Thomas then apologises to the Fat Controller for once again causing... (sighs and deep breath) confusion and delay (geez, can't we ever get *causing a disturbance* instead?). Then, Rosie pulled up next to Thomas and tells him that she found another muddy puddle, which will be perfect for their game. Thomas declines Rosie's offer and says that he has done enough "splish, splash, sploshing" for one day...hopefully forever. Happy ending you might say.

Extra Thoughts from Zack Wanzer
...what the hell had I just watched? The plot is so stupid that even Charlie alone has more intelligent by comparison! The behavior of Thomas (as well as Rosie) is so childish that it feels like he has become the Benjamin Button of Sodor (apologies to Brad Pitt)! Even James showing concern for something other than his paint couldn't save this pathetic mess with no educational morals and so much cringe-worthy dialogue I feel my brain had exploded - twice! In short, Splish, Splash, Splosh! should never have existed!

Five more episodes to go, and I want to kill myself...!

Mattstonge44's Rating: 2 out of 10
The Railfan Brony Blog Rating: 0.5 out of 10

5. Pop Goes Thomas
Season 14, Episode 8
Written by Mark Robertson
Review by Zack Wanzer
This is pretty much Slippy Sodor (see part 1 of the list) all over again, and ten times worse. I did have a good laugh at the Fat Controller's hat being knocked off, but this episode is just awful from start to finish, and considering Mark Robertson's previous entries on the list, why should anyone be shocked?

Well, well. You read through twenty-one entries, and you finally come across a terrible episode out of season 10.


4. Topped Off Thomas
Season 10, Episode 14
Written by Sharon Miller
Review by James Riddle
We start off with Thomas boasting that he can race faster than the wind, even calling it "Mr. Wind". Then he meets Spencer at a junction and finds out he's taking the Duke and Duchess of Boxford and Sir Topham and Lady Hatt to tea. He mocks Thomas for not being faster than him, causing Thomas to make a brand new angry face and challenge Spencer to a race.

Eventually they get to Kellsthorpe Station. Spencer stops, but Thomas races through at such a speed, Sir Topham Hatt's hat blows off. Thomas then goes to fetch it.

He goes all over Sodor chasing after the hat, from Bertie the Bus, to a Scarecrow, and a windmill, but the wind kept blowing it away. At last, he gives up and asks "Mr. Wind" to help him. Suddenly the wind lowers the hat onto Thomas's funnel, and he puffs carefully back to Kellsthorpe and makes the hat go onto the platform.

And now for the problems. First, why does Thomas refer to the wind as "Mr. Wind"? Couldn't he just say "I can race faster than the wind"? Second, why did Sir Topham Hatt say you're supposed to go slowly through stations when trains like the express have to go fast through certian stations? Just doesn't make sense. And third, why didn't he just buy another hat instead of having Thomas chase after it? Back to the "Mr. Wind" thing, how did the wind hear Thomas and lower the hat to his funnel? Almost kinda takes me back to Domeless Engines where it acted like the wind had a mind of its own. And how was it that even though Thomas went slowly, the hat didn't blow off from the breeze? Couldn't it have been caught by one of the crews?

Wasn't as good an episode as Too Hot for Thomas. Most memorable from this episode was Thomas's new face.

Extra Thoughts from Zack Wanzer
I didn't bother watching this episode, and with good reason too - it was downright stupid! Giving a force of nature a gender is like banning a kids show for showing woman's breasts - it's really stupid and pointless. That pretty much sums up Topped Off Thomas and Thomas' Frosty Friend (if I did include the latter on the list, as well as two certain S15 episodes, it'd be #4 at the highest). Having more episodes in a season doesn't mean it'll be better, and those two episodes sadly proved why that was the case. Thomas and Spencer's new facemasks were funny, but they didn't save the episode from being stupid. Seriously, Sir Topham - why can you not buy yourself a new hat?! I mean, do you have more money than common sense? Judging by this episode, you clearly do...

James Riddle's Rating: 5 out of 10
The Railfan Brony Blog Rating: 0.5 out of 10

3. Thomas and Scruff
Season 14, Episode 16
Written by Sharon Miller
Review by Zack Wanzer
Remember the issues I had with The Trouble with Mud about Gordon being forbidden to pull coaches just for being dirty? Well, Thomas and Scruff brings these problems to the forefront and does them ten, maybe twenty, times worse!

Whiff is shunting trucks at the rubbish dump when Thomas comes in. Whiff tells Thomas that he's very busy and must be finished by tea time. Thomas tells Whiff that he'll be getting a helper called Scruff the Scruncher and is going to meet with him at Brendam Docks? Really? Can you not introduce a new character alongside Thomas? Granted, it had happened in Welcome Stafford, but Thomas wasn't the main character, he was just shoehorned for no reason at all. Anyway, at Brendam Docks, Thomas meets with Scruff, and then we come to this line of dialogue:

"Thomas liked Scruff, but he was worried - really useful engines couldn't be really dirty ones."

Seriously, Miller?! Like, thirty seconds ago, Thomas was actually friendly with Whiff, who is even dirtier than Scruff, and now he's being discriminatory - again - to Scruff for being dirty?! Engines get dirty all the time and yet no one gives a damn, unless it's for passenger runs and special events like enthusiasts specials! Honestly, the implications left behind throughout the Nitrogen era are absolutely horrifying! (Trust me, it'll get worse from here on out...)

Thomas decides to give Scruff a "Welcome to Sodor" surprise (yay(!)) by giving Scruff a washdown. This terrifies Scruff and he runs away... again, seriously, Miller? An engine who's afraid of being cleaned with soap suds and brushes? That's like being afraid of sitting on the floor in your house - it's completely absolutely illogical!

Insert cliched chase scene that's absolutely pointless. Scruff hides behind bushes and won't come out. Then Gordon shows up with the express, followed by Henry, who is then followed by Percy with his mail train. This could've been cut completely, and you'd barely tell the difference... Whiff comes by with a long train of rubbish trucks, and he wonders where Scruff is. After Whiff leaves, Thomas manages to get Scruff out of his hiding spot by telling him there's trucks of rubbish waiting to be shunted (I know Thomas said "scrunched", but he probably meant "shunted") and that gets Scruff out of his hiding spot.

After picking up rubbish at the Steamworks, Knapford station, and the quarry, Thomas and Scruff make it to the rubbish dump where the latter meets with Whiff and they have fun.

All that Sharon Miller's scripts (eight of them) I've included on the list prove to me her strengths and weaknesses as a writer - if Sam Barlow's writing staff was a sports team, then Miss Miller would be better at playing offense rather than defense. Her writing for the characters of the show can come across as annoyingly repetitive at the best of times, and hypocritically discriminatory at the worst of times. As for Thomas and Scruff, I never liked the episode at all, for it's so boring and predictable, but then, that's what most episodes on this list so far have been. If it wasn't for that discriminatory comment, then the episode would've faded into obscurity and it wouldn't have ended up on this list. Okay, maybe it would've, but still. However, apart from Buzzy Bees, it gets worse from there...

Episodes Rated 0/10

2. Thomas and the Snowman Party
Season 14, Episode 13
Written by Jessica Sandys Clarke
Review by Zack Wanzer
Ugh... worst episode of season fourteen; terrible moral that stealing is okay, the use of Winter Holiday, the mention of Thomas and Percy as best friends, the alliteration and rhyming, the three-strikes - it snowballs (no pun intended) into one big, boring pile of garbage. Excluding Thomas' Frosty FriendUp, Up and Away, and Wonky Whistle, we've got one more episode to cover...

And the loser is...

Ever wondered if Sam Barlow's writing team found a way to make an episode worse than Wonky Whistle and Fiery Flynn? No? Well, I'm not going to sugarcoat anything beyond this point; bottom line, Sodor Surprise Day is my new most hated episode of the show. Yes, I hate it more than season 15's biggest failures. The episode is just reprehensible from beginning to end, and it's done to me what Pet Sitter Pat has done to Mr. Enter...

1. Sodor Surprise Day
Season 16, Episode 13
Written by Jessica Kedward and Kirsty Peart
Review by Zack Wanzer
It starts off at Tidmouth Sheds where Thomas and Charlie are on either side of Gordon "surprising" each other. I agree with Gordon when he says "Sodor Surprise Day is a silly day for silly engines." Plus, Sodor Surprise Day is a stupid idea for a holiday as well. This scene could, and should have been, cut out of the episode, and the plot would still be the same. The Fat Controller announces that there will be a fireworks display at Callan Castle. Thomas is to collect the bunting at Maithwaite, and Gordon the fireworks at Brendam Docks. Gordon's attitude in that episode pretty much sums up my feelings to this pathetic excuse of an episode.

Anyhoo, Thomas decides to try and make Gordon laugh, and so he comes across Rosie shunting coal trucks and gives her a surprise just as Gordon shows up. Rosie laughs, but Gordon doesn't, and neither do I. How is this funny?! Later, Thomas comes across Whiff and gives him the same surprise he did with Rosie, and there's incredibly forced laughter and flying rubbish. IT'S STILL NOT FUNNY!! And also, how does Thomas get to Whiff before Gordon does? The loop-line strikes again(!)

Thomas shows up at Brendam Docks and "hides" behind some trucks. Gordon shows up, and as Cranky lists up the crate of fireworks, Thomas blows his whistle, causing Cranky to drop the fireworks and they fly everywhere... No, no, and NO! That is where I draw the line with playing in a dangerous environment! Those fireworks could've killed somebody and caused damage! I mean, seriously - were the writers so nonchalant to railway safety?! Oh, but it gets worse; the Fat Controller shows up and scolds Thomas for causing so much trouble and for not picking up the bunting... instead of, oh I don't know, telling him off for horseplay?! And what's actually sad is that Thomas decides to get Sodor Surprise Day back on track and he is rewarded for his naughty behavior with a washdown?!

I don't know what to say. Sodor Surprise Day has pretty much summed up just how stupid Thomas has acted throughout the Barlow era. The writers had done so much effort to make the little blue tank engine an absolute idiot, just as big of an idiot as a yellow sponge who abuses his pet and stalks his neighbor for a living. Thomas also displayed no concept of right and wrong, and he had become a sociopathic tank engine, thinking that he can get away with everything, without giving a damn as to whether or not people around him get killed or injured. It also affects the engines he would pretend to be friends with, those he pretended to laugh and play with. Why would people say that this was for kids?! This better not be for kids! I would never let my kids watch episodes like this, Wonky Whistle or Fiery Flynn, would you?

And so, to end this abomination, Harold the helicopter flies in covered in lights and it gets to Gordon to finally laugh, even though I'm certainly not laughing right now and instead, I'm cringing. It's not funny, not even the slightest bit "laugh out loud" funny!

Nothing about this episode is funny; it's so poorly written to the point it feels like the writers pulled the story out of their asses, and the implications left behind are absolutely terrifying. Childish behavior being performed in dangerous environments should be punished, and apparently, the writers forgot about that! Thomas and Friends was a successful show because while the stories were railway-based, they could tell entertaining stories with solid morals, and the writers knew right from wrong, and they did their research to boot. Plus, Thomas was actually a lovable character with charm that many kids could relate to. But throughout this list, he had morphed from being the cheeky station pilot who longed to see the world to a rhyming, racist, brain-dead idiot (apologizes to the mentally ill) who thought that he could do whatever the hell he liked! It had gotten on to the point that the writers thought it was funny! If the likes of Wonky WhistleUp, Up and AwayThomas' Frosty Friend, and Buzzy Bees are meant to be entertaining for kids, then Sodor Surprise Day is meant to be entertaining for kids!

Sodor Surprise Day, it is the absolute worst episode of Thomas and Friends, and it shows just how stupid the blue tank engine had become in seven years! Okay, they fixed him in season 17, but the damage has long since been done; the scars are too deep! If you have at least one brain cell and appreciate good story-telling, don't waste your time on this piece of rubbish!

...I'm done here. I am so enraged by Sodor Surprise Day - and perhaps the entirety of the list - to the point I want to use words I should not say here! The stupidity of the characters, the concept of this crapfest, the unfunny jokes, the unfortunate implications, just about EVERYTHING in this episode is downright reprehensible! I may be done with this list, but I am not done with the Barlow Era yet; there are a crapload of bad and terrible episodes for me to rip apart...!

Rating: -10 out of 10
 (it really is that bad...)

The True List
1. Sodor Surprise Day - -10/10
2. Wonky Whistle - -5/10
3. Up, Up and Away - 0/10
4. Thomas' Frosty Friend - 0/10
5. Thomas and the Snowman Party - 0/10
6. Buzzy Bees - 0/10
7. Thomas and Scruff - 0.5/10
8. Topped Off Thomas - 0.5/10
9. Pop Goes Thomas - 0.5/10
10. Splish, Splash, Splosh! - 0.5/10
11. Thomas and the Runaway Kite - 0.5/10
12. Time for a Story - 1/10
13. Don't Go Back - 1/10
14. Thomas Toots the Crows - 1/10
15. Smoke and Mirrors - 1/10
16. Let it Snow - 1/10
17. Thomas' Tall Friend - 1/10
18. Thomas Sets Sail - 1/10
19. Thomas and the Big Bang - 1/10
20. Thomas and the Golden Eagle - 1/10
21. The Man in the Hills - 1.5/10
22. Ol' Wheezy Wobbles - 1.5/10
23. Slippy Sodor - 1.5/10
24. Thomas and the Sounds of Sodor - 1.5/10
25. Merry Winter Wish - 1.5/10
26. The Lion of Sodor - 1.5/10
27. Thomas and the Rainbow - 1.5/10
28. Too Hot for Thomas - 2/10
29. Thomas' Tricky Tree - 2.5/10
30. Scaredy Engines - 3/10
31. Saved You! - 3.5/10

EPISODE SCORECARDS (out of 10 possible points)

Thomas and Friends Season 6 Scorecard
10. Twin Trouble: 7.5
12. Scaredy Engines: 3
17. Gordon Takes a Tumble: 8.5
24. Dunkin Duncan: 8
25. Rusty Saves the Day: 2.5
26. Faulty Whistles: 8.5

Thomas and Friends Season 8 Scorecard
4. Henry and the Wishing Tree: 7.5
22. You Can Do it, Toby!: 4.5
25. Too Hot for Thomas: 2 (officially)

Thomas and Friends Season 9 Scorecard
2. Thomas and the Rainbow: 1.5
7. Respect for Gordon: 8
10. Rheneas and the Dinosaur: 1
22. Skarloey the Brave: 1
24. Thomas and the Golden Eagle: 1

Thomas and Friends Season 10 Scorecard
7. Thomas' Tricky Tree: 2.5
8. Toby's Afternoon Off: 7.5
9. It's Good to be Gordon: 9
13. Edward Strikes Out: 1
14. Topped Off Thomas: 0.5 (officially)
20. Thomas' Frosty Friend: 0
27. James the Second Best: 5

Thomas and Friends Season 11 Scorecard
6. Gordon and the Engineer: 9.5
10. Thomas and the Big Bang: 1
11. Smoke and Mirrors: 1
12. Thomas Sets Sail: 1 (officially)
13. Don't Be Silly, Billy: 0.5
17. Thomas and the Runaway Car: 8.5
18. Thomas in Trouble: 7
22. Sir Handel in Charge: 1.5

Thomas and Friends Season 12 Scorecard
9. The Party Surprise: 3
10. Saved You!: 3.5
13. Tram Trouble: 5
14. Don't Go Back: 1
16. The Man in the Hills: 1.5
19. Push Me, Pull You: 0.5
20. Best Friends: 10

Thomas and Friends Season 13 Scorecard
2. The Lion of Sodor: 1.5
3. Tickled Pink: 9
5. Slippy Sodor: 1.5
9. Time for a Story: 1
12. A Blooming Mess: 7.5
13. Thomas and the Runaway Kite: 0.5
15. Splish, Splash, Splosh!: 0.5 (officially)
19. Buzzy Bees: 0

Thomas and Friends Season 14 Scorecard
1. Thomas' Tall Friend: 1 (officially)
7. Diesel's Special Delivery: 1
8. Pop Goes Thomas: 0.5
12. Merry Winter Wish: 1.5
13. Thomas and the Snowman Party: 0
16. Thomas and Scruff: 0.5
17. O the Indignity: 3

Thomas and Friends Season 15 Scorecard
6. James to the Rescue: 0.5
8. Up, Up and Away!: 0
9. Henry's Happy Coal: 5.5
10. Let it Snow: 1
13. Stop That Bus!: 6
17. Wonky Whistle: -5
20. Fiery Flynn: -8

Thomas and Friends Season 16 Scorecard
2. Ol' Wheezy Wobbles: 1.5
8. Thomas Toots the Crows: 1
10. Percy and the Calliope: 8.5
11. Thomas and the Sounds of Sodor: 1.5
13. Sodor Surprise Day: -10
18. Don't Bother Victor!: 2
20. The Christmas Tree Express: 0.5

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