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Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Top 25 Worst "Thomas is an Idiot" Episodes (25-17)

This is the real big one - my 198th, 199th, and 200th blogposts are about the Top 25 worst episodes of Thomas the Tank Engine being either a mean-spirited jerk or an unbearable idiot. I'm not going solo; I'm having the help of many people from the Thomas fandom in tearing apart those 25 episodes. Let's dig in!

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AS WELL AS THOSE FEATURED, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Here are some rules for the list:
  1. There is a difference between naivety and stupidity, so episodes like Thomas Goes Fishing are out of the question.
  2. Thomas must be the main character of that episode - for example, Ol' Wheezy Wobbles.
  3. Thomas has to have been either a mean-spirited jerk (Thomas and Scruff) or an intolerable idiot (Topped Off Thomas) in that episode.
  4. Some of them can be from my Top 25 Worst Thomas Episodes list. I (and a few others) will expand on those from the list I didn't discuss.
  5. I'm disqualifying Misty Island Rescue and Day of the Diesels as I want to focus on the main TV series solely as well as the episodes I reviewed so far.
  6. I'm also disqualifying episodes where there was a reasonable catalyst, like Thomas and the Statue and Thomas Puts the Brakes On.
  7. I'm also disqualifying the obvious - Thomas' Frosty FriendUp, Up and AwayBuzzy Bees, and yes, Wonky Whistle.
It's kind of strange for a list to have so many rules, but if it helps everyone, we're golden. So what's first on the list?

Episodes Rated 3.5/10

25. Saved You!
Season 12, Episode 10
Written by Paul Larson
Review by Zack Wanzer
Hey, you want Duck, Donald and Douglas to appear in the same episode? Be careful what you wish for; they found a way to screw it up. Badly!

We start off with stock footage from season 11 that goes on for a half minute introducing Thomas for the umpteenth time. What a great way to start the episode(!) The episode really begins at Maithwaite when the Fat Controller tells Thomas that he has to collect a fireman after he's rescued Lady Hatt's cat from a tree and he's going to be given a medal. Wow. I mean, come on - getting a medal for rescuing a cat? Are they just as important as humans in need of rescue? (Not that I hate cats, I'm a big cat person; I'm just annoyed that a fireman would be rewarded for something so minor.)

Anyway, one pointless scene with children and Thomas later, the blue tank engine comes across a water tower about to fall over on Duck, who gets out of the way just before it falls down. It turns out that Rocky was loading the water tower onto Duck's flatbed. Just like Duncan's mention in Don't Bother Victor!, this scene is totally pointless and it's never resolved. And how did he not see Rocky?!

Next, Thomas comes across a fallen tree and he reports it to the signalman. Harvey, meanwhile, is switched onto another track, and then Thomas comes across Donald and Douglas with the tree in their way. Soon after that, he sees Toby broken down on the points and pulls him away from Gordon's line, and then afterwards, Gordon passes by. Turns out that Toby was waiting for Gordon to bring in an engineer to fix him, instead of... I don't know, taking him to the works?

Percy just so happens to be puffing by, and he agrees to pick up the fireman for Thomas. Meanwhile, Thomas picks up the engineer to fix Toby, and then finds Harvey so he can clear Donald and Douglas' track. Later, he comes across Bertie who has bogged down in the mud (why does he keep getting stuck there?) and picks up the children for the ceremony. Creepy grin is creepy...

Seriously, why did they have to include Duck just to have his conflict left unresolved? If you're not going to have him play a major role, at least try to make sure his role has some purpose instead of being there for fan-service! (I do have that issue where Duck's role could've worked in Last Train for Christmas by having him introduce the slip coaches to Connor, but that's another story.) What's sad is that this episode had received a terrible rip-off out of Fiery Flynn - at least in Saved You!, they didn't have fireman acting like idiots! That's the only defense I can muster for this crap excuse of an episode.

Episodes Rated 3/10

Oh, I won't be making many friends with the next entry on this list!

24. Scaredy Engines
Season 6, Episode 12
Story by David Mitton
Written by Robin Kingsland
Review by Zack Wanzer
Okay, I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I have absolutely no bias against the classic era of Thomas and Friends, and I never did. It is a good era, but it has the occasional dud here and there. For example, season three gave us Trust Thomas, and season seven gave us Rheneas and the Roller Coaster. As for Scaredy Engines, I believe it deserves a spot on the list because it pretty much shot the moral of Thomas, Percy and the Dragon in the head. Let me explain…

It starts off with the narrator explaining that the engines look forward to Halloween – the fireworks, the children in their costumes, and most of all, Edward’s ghost stories. Just like Percy’s ghost, it’s lazily modeled; it’s simply Donald’s model without a tender… or is it Douglas’ model? Anyway, the Fat Controller sends for Thomas, Percy and Duck to collect some scrap from the smelters yard, much to Percy’s fright. Thomas, however, teases Percy about being scared.

And that’s where the moral to Thomas, Percy and the Dragon gets shot in the head – in that episode, Thomas assures Percy that it’s okay to be scared, and it was a very nice moment between them. Here? It seems as if Thomas forgot the lesson he himself taught, and it feels like a real punch to the face, and ruined that episode’s moral values.

At the smelters, Percy keeps thinking about Edward’s ghost story, and Thomas keeps teasing Percy, who gets some reassurance from Duck. Considering Duck Takes Charge, I’m surprised he didn’t tell Thomas off for being a bully (and no, that’s not an exaggeration). Believe it or not, this is an episode where Diesel could’ve appeared, but he doesn’t! If not, then maybe James? Yes, it would’ve sounded like Tale of the Brave, but at least Thomas wouldn’t have acted like a prick!

Soon enough, the job is nearly complete, and Duck volunteers Thomas to finish up alone. He and Percy leave Thomas, and he starts to feel anxious. He backs into some chains, and a whistle sets off because… whistle. This gets Thomas scared, and he runs away, thinking the ghost engine is chasing him. Duck and Percy, meanwhile, join the other engines for the fireworks, but Thomas isn’t there. Percy heads to Tidmouth Sheds where Thomas apologizes for being mean, and he and Percy watch the fireworks from the shed, without a single thought as to who will finish the job.

I got a couple of comments insisting that Thomas’ punishment was justified, but I don’t agree. Once again, it forgot the moral Thomas, Percy and the Dragon taught and Thomas was very much out of character. I know that he’s meant to be cheeky, but this is a step too far! So I stick with my opinion and that justifies Scaredy Engines a spot on this list. That said, it's BAFTA worthy compared to other choices further down the list! (Remember this, as I'll bring it up at some point further along the list.)

Episodes Rated 2/10


23. Too Hot for Thomas
Season 8, Episode 25
Written by Paul Larson
Review by James Riddle
In this episode, James and Toby are taking kids to the seaside during the hot summer. Thomas, however, has to take Raspberry Syrup to the ice cream factory. Once he gets there, the factory manager tells him to get some cream, strawberries, and chocolate so they can make more ice cream. Thomas gets two of the three ingredients with no trouble, but then he misses a red signal and has to wait for Toby to go by before he can reverse. Finally when he gets to the chocolate factory, he goes before the brakes are properly off, causing cocoa powder to fly everywhere. At last, Thomas actually gets to the ice cream factory and now has to take the ice cream to the seaside, where the children and Sir Topham Hatt cheer for him.

Now, as far as the episode goes, it was rather alright. But there were a few problems; Why didn't Thomas have a brake van when he was taking the Raspberry Syrup, or when he fetched the Cream, Chocolate, and Strawberries? Second, why would Thomas care more about taking the children instead of doing his job? I mean it's not like the children will start an apocalyptic war if Thomas doesn't take them to the seaside. And third, why was Thomas collecting Cocoa Powder in an open truck?! Don't you know how unhygienic and unrealistic that is? Not to mention that if it got windy, all the powder would blow away.

All in all, it was an okay episode.

Extra Thoughts from Zack Wanzer
A lot people say that season eight is terrible, but I beg to differ; besides, Sharon Miller didn't write a single script for the eighth season and I don't know why people rank it one of the worst. As for Too Hot for Thomas, it's my most disliked out of all of season eight. A long time ago, and in a few episodes of season eight, Thomas at least cared about his work more than the children (granted, it happened a few times when he cared about them, but that isn't the point). Besides, there is no way the strawberries and cocoa powder would be loaded like that without a care in the world; the strawberries should be in vans, and the cocoa powder in sacks... in vans. If you were to ask me where Thomas began to go backwards as a character, this (along with Scaredy Engines) would probably be among the first few steps, and I can say the same thing for the next episode on this list...

James Riddle's Rating: 7 out of 10
The Railfan Brony Blog Rating: 2 out of 10

Episodes Rated 1.5/10

So, when did Thomas REALLY become a full-blown idiot, you ask? September 2, 2005 - the day that Thomas and the Rainbow aired.


22. Thomas and the Rainbow
Season 9, Episode 2
Written by Abi Grant
Review by Zack Wanzer
Remember when I said that Scaredy Engines was BAFTA-worthy compared to most of the episodes after it? Well, believe it or not, Thomas and the Rainbow nominated for a BAFTA! Seriously, what was it about that episode that made it nomination-worthy? Tell me that!

First off, we already know Thomas has friends all over Sodor - kids don't have the memory of a goldfish. I'm sure they knew that before they even watched this episode! Anyway, an overnight summer storm has struck Sodor and blown down the telephone lines. Thomas is sent to pick up the engineers to fix the telephone lines at Brendam Docks. There, Thomas sees a rainbow and Edward explains that an old story says you'll find something magical at the end of a rainbow. To be fair, Edward is close to his original characterization, but there are two problems - Thomas should know what a rainbow is by now, and the other... well, I'll get to that soon enough.

Thomas decides to find the end of the rainbow and on the way, he stops at a junction but hasn't the time to speak to Percy. Wow, talk about being best friends. :P At the top of Gordon's hill, the rainbow doesn't stop there, much to Thomas' annoyance. After dropping off some workmen near a bridge, Thomas doesn't take the time to say hello to the children and carries on chasing after that godforsaken rainbow (not that I hate rainbows, of course), ignoring Henry when he needs help. Also, why did Annie and Clarabel not object?

Because Thomas is so focused on finding the end of the rainbow, he doesn't listen to Toby's warning about slowing down and runs over the telephone line. And then we come to this line: "Luckily, no one was hurt." Seriously?! What about the workmen in Annie or Thomas' crew?! I know this is meant for kids, but people get hurt in railway accidents and this should've been enforced here! Granted, season five made that more blatant about people getting hurt, but that's not the point. Thomas whistles and shouts to Percy for help, but he feels dismayed that Percy didn't hear him... why could Thomas not let his guard send out a message?

Speaking of which, Percy passes on the message to Henry, who passes it on to Bertie, who passes it on to the children, who tell James, Harold, and Harvey, yadda yadda yadda, you get the point. Harvey helps to rerail Thomas and Annie, and the little blue engine carries on with his job without chasing after the end of the rainbow. Soon, the telephone lines are back up once more and Thomas returns home to find the end of the rainbow at the sheds... And that leads me onto my second issue from earlier - there is NO way you can find the end of the rainbow! Despite the moral, the episode is just ridiculous from start to end.

Spoiler alert: a huge chunk of the list is going to be from S13-16, and let's see our first contender, with a very quick review by Mike Nicholson!

21. The Lion of Sodor
Season 13, Episode 2
Written by Mark Robertson
Review by Mike Nicholson
Two things:
1. Lions are carnivores; they wouldn't eat grass or syrup or straw.
2. How did Cranky know that the Lion of Sodor was a statue, yet Thomas and Percy didn't? They've been on Sodor longer than Cranky.

This is another S13-16 episode where Thomas does something stupid (I refuse to call it silly as stupid sounds more appropriate), fails after three times, feels upset, and tries to put things right. While I do think the lion statue looks pretty cool, it's just sad that such potential was wasted in such a crappy episode.

Extra Thoughts from Zack Wanzer
I... I don't have anything new to say about this episode. All you get are the typical three strikes, rhyming and alliteration, and Thomas being a dumbass. The only thing new that I will note is that the lion statue's presence at Knapford Station is the only continuity that seems to have stayed in the Nitrogren Era. I didn't bother watching the episode again, nor do I want to.

The Railfan Brony Blog Rating: 1.5 out of 10

Even though I'm going to be reviewing Thomas' Christmas Party and Thomas and the Missing Christmas Tree in December, a few episodes off this list are winter-themed, and I want to get those out of the way rather than wait seven months. And the first of them? One of the worst in season fourteen!

20. Merry Winter Wish
Season 14, Episode 12
Written by Miranda Larson
Review by Zack Wanzer
Remember what I said about Miranda Larson being part of the "Larson effect" in A Blooming Mess? This episode is definitely a bad one from her, and that will apply to Time for a Story, but more on that later. As for this atrocity, it was re-dubbed to say "Christmas" instead of "winter holiday", which also applied to The Christmas Tree Express, but it's just Hit covering their ass after controversy sparked. I mean, you can present a cute-looking spider to an arachnophobe, and they'll still scream in fear! Also, how does the Star of Knapford come from the mainland? If it's at Knapford then it should stay at Knapford in the first place! The way it flew was so laughably bad it wasn't even funny. The snow looked pretty, but it didn't save the episode from being a mess.


19. Thomas and the Sounds of Sodor
Season 16, Episode 11
Written by Gerard Foster
Review by Mattstonge44
Cue some stock footage for the first few seconds, then we cut to Tidmouth Sheds, where the Fat Controller arrived aboard Edward to give Thomas his *Special Job*, (sighs) that was a big mistake Sir Topham, you know Thomas is just gonna be stupid and mess them up before it's all over. Well anyway, Thomas is to go collect the Great Composer from Knapford and take him on a tour of the Island so that he can hear the sounds of Sodor.

On his way, he sees (and hears) Percy and Emily hauling a long train of trucks. At this point (after briefly greeting them), Thomas thinks that the Great Composer will not be able to hear the sounds of Sodor with his noisy engine friends clattering along the lines. He decides he will take the composer to places where there are no other engines.

He arrived at the station (not bad so far), the composer gets into Annie and Clarabel, and off they go. I'm curious, is this where the three strikes formula comes in? Probably yes.

First, Thomas takes the Great Composer into the Whistling Woods to hear the woodland waterfall, then the composer and Thomas see Gordon thundering up with the express. While the composer gets inspiration from it, Thomas gets annoyed as Gordon has ruined the peace and asks him why he wasn't on the main line, and Gordon responds that he wanted to take the pretty route. Excuse me? But you can't CHOOSE your own way, only your driver (who controls you), and the Fat Controller can tell you where you have to go. Either way, Thomas races off to the Whispering Woods, hoping that it'll be quieter there. (That was Strike One, folks)

The Great Composer listens to the rustling leaves and birdsong. Then Mavis clatters up pulling flatbeds of logs. The Great Composer is pleased, but Thomas is not; he thinks Mavis has disturbed the sounds of Sodor. Mavis explains that she is hauling logs because the quarry is closed for the day, but Thomas is not interested and is even rude to her, and puffs off. YOU MEAN OLD TANK ENGINE! HOW DARE YOU BE RUDE TO MY SECOND FAVOURITE FEMALE CHARACTER! ...sorry about that folks, but that part made me a little mad. (it was also Strike Two)

Okay, side note here: at this point of the show, Mavis was actually my main favourite female (before Emily reclaimed my favor in Season 17), and I REALLY liked her old US voice (Jules de Jongh) a lot more than her current voice (which is done by Teresa Gallagher, her UK voice actress), and I'm still very upset that her voice was recast, though I don't I have anything against Teresa Gallagher (she's one of my favourite voice actresses, honest).

Anyway, moving on, Thomas rolled along, he wonders where he can take the Great Composer. Then he remembered that Mavis said the quarry was closed and decides to head there. At the quarry, James is sitting in a siding and watches Thomas enter (why was he even there when the quarry is closed?). The Great Composer is confused, there are no sounds at all; the quarry is silent. James rolls up to Thomas, but Thomas rudely ignores him and puffs away. James follows and asks why Thomas is here, and Thomas explains that they must be quiet so that the composer can hear the sounds of Sodor. Thomas is too busy talking to James to notice a barrier ahead on the tracks. Thomas screeched to a sudden stop just in time, but the Great Composer's tune sheets slipped out of his hands and out of Annie's window and blown away. (I'm unsure if that was strike three, you're out, probably was)

Thomas felt terrible for what he did (to me, that's called karmic payback for being a simpleton and rude to all of his friends, especially to Mavis), but is also a little puzzled as to how the composer managed to write a tune despite the noise. The Great Composer explains to Thomas that his engine friends all sounded wonderful and Thomas finally realizes that his friends are the sounds of Sodor (gee, you figured that out just now?). The composer is still worried; the concert starts soon, but he has no tune. Thomas has an idea and asks for James' help. Next Thomas and James race to the Whispering Woods where they get Mavis' help. The three engines race to Knapford where they enlist the help of Gordon, Percy, and Emily before heading to the Town Square.

At the Town Square, as the engines arrived, the Fat Controller is becoming concerned. The Great Composer assures the Fat Controller that the special concert will be worth the wait. Thomas announces the concert which features the sounds of Sodor. The Great Composer conducts as Thomas, Percy, Gordon, Emily, and Mavis roll back and forth blowing their whistles and horns and bumping trucks. Accompanied by the Sodor Brass Band, the concert is a big success. Afterwards, the Great Composer says that he could not have done it without Thomas' help. Thomas, in turn, says that he could not have done it if it were not for his *noisy friends* (rude much?).

This episode is pretty much *meh* to me, Thomas wasn't very bright (thinking he knew what the composer was looking for inspiration for music), and was a even bigger jerk to the others as well, gets off scotch free for causing (yes I'm going to say it) *Confusion and Delay*, and his friends even forgave him far too quickly. The concert to me also didn't make any sense whatsoever, and it goes to show you that pretty much ANYTHING would be approved of by HIT Entertainment at that time.

Extra Thoughts from Zack Wanzer
Oh good God, we went from the brilliance of Percy and the Calliope to the downright pathetic mess that is Thomas and the Sounds of Sodor. Seriously, Mavis said the quarry was closed, but she never explained why it was! Whilst I think that Rusty Saves the Day was bad, it at least gave an explanation as to why! Further, what was James doing here? Considering this came from the same writer who wrote Percy's New Friends, I wouldn't be surprised if that also came out of his arse. It's also blatant as to what the sounds of Sodor were, but shouldn't off rail-vehicles get a mention as well? Also, never call Sir Topham "Fat Controller" in front of him; it's a nickname! And how am I expected to listen to the sounds of Sodor if the narrator doesn't shut up?! I don't like this episode at all...

Mattstonge44's Rating: 2.5 out of 10
The Railfan Brony Blog Rating: 1.5 out of 10


18. Slippy Sodor
Season 13, Episode 5
Written by Mark Robertson
Review by Zack Wanzer
Yeesh, this was a blatant rip-off to Special Funnel, except that was actually entertaining and taught kids something. What did Slippy Sodor teach kids? I don't know either. The crashes with the Fat Controller's car were so bad they were funny - how did it stay intact? But there's no way he and Mr. Bubbles would come out unscathed. Thank God they didn't have Thomas blow bubbles from his funnel like the Little Blue Book said... I did like how Thomas' eyes, when Henry is laughing at him, moved in a similar way to the models from looking at the audience to looking at Henry.

But still, there are lots of various problems; Edward is out of character for laughing at Thomas - the big engines, I'd understand, but Edward? - and there's no way a barrel of bubble liquid would be transported like that on a flatbed! Also, why the hell can they not bring the spare with them?! Contingency plans, anyone?! This episode is bad, and I can say the same for its little brother Pop Goes Thomas, which I'll get to later...

After eight episodes so far, we're now getting into Sharon Miller's first script that made the cut, featuring the Logging Locos...

17. Ol' Wheezy Wobbles
Season 16, Episode 2
Written by Sharon Miller
Review by Zack Wanzer
Ah yes, the Logging Locos, the most infamous characters of the series since Charlie. They make a lot of people's worst characters lists. Not mine, personally. No, I think Fergus and Billy deserve to be on my list more, but I digress. Are the Logging Locos overhated? Maybe, but I can't really relate to the characters, although I do like their looks. Also, stop whining about Ferdinand's cameo in Signals Crossed! It's like Flash Sentry being in Three's a Crowd and Twilight's Kingdom - Part 1 - it contributes absolutely nothing to the story itself! Can you please move past it and focus on the damn story?

Onto the episode itself; wow, the filler... You know, if Den and Dart had gone together, the episode would've been done in four minutes and it'd be written better too! And engines don't fix engines; workmen do! Also, how does Dart not know the Logging Locos? He met them three episodes ago in Tree Trouble! Please, Miss Miller, keep some damn consistency, will ya? A tiny change would make all the difference! To be fair, I did actually laugh when Ferdinand said "search me" - not at what he said, but the way he said it was funny. But still, we didn't get three strikes... we got FOUR. Hooray(!)

Due to this list's length, it's going to be split up into three separate posts, and the scorecards will be shown at the end of part three.

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