Gordon's Grand Journeys

I was going to do a review on the Back to the Future trilogy, and I will get to that one day. But right now, I felt more like reviewing more Thomas episodes. This time, we're featuring Gordon!

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Season 8, Episode 15

Squeak, Rattle and Roll

Written by Marc Seal

Hold on, something's not right here... Something's missing... Oh, I get it! Thomas doesn't appear for no reason! An episode in the Barlow era in which Thomas doesn't make a shoehorned appearance, speaking or otherwise, blows my mind. But does that impact the episode as a whole? Not really, but I do think I should talk about the episode itself.

Gordon is pulling the express out of Brendam Docks when he comes across Diesel in his path. Diesel moves after being demanded to and tells Gordon that steam engines (yes, I'm going for steam engines instead of steamies; I have no reason not to) are old and clapped out, which Gordon dismisses. However, out on the mainline, he hears a squeaking noise which worries him. On the hill, he slows down, and the noise quietens down, much to his relief. Kind of surprised that he wasn't told off for running late, but... meh.

In the evening, the Fat Controller tells Gordon that he's taking some village children on a boat trip... because the plot demands it. In the morning, Gordon worries about having to arrive at Brendam docks by 9:00 - what if the Fat Controller hears his squeaking noises? The squeaking noises occur once more out on the mainline, and to make things worse, Gordon begins to rattle, so he slows down again. Of course, it's a case where he can't have his coal and burn it.

Gordon goes slowly on the mainline, but the Fat Controller isn't pleased, and tells him to go faster. Reluctantly, Gordon does so, thinking it may be his final trip, squeaking, rattling, and later knocking as he reaches Brendam docks. Much to his relief, the Fat Controller sends Gordon in for repairs, and he doesn't make anymore noises... well, those that indicate possible wearing out, of course. Had this gone to Edward, it'd have been cliched; it was nice to see a different side of Gordon, showing that he is just as vulnerable to old age and wearing out, as also proven in the books. The episode worked nicely for Gordon, although I wouldn't say the same for the next episode...

Season 12, Episode 15

Gordon Takes a Shortcut

Written by Wayne Jackman

Gordon is waiting for Stanley to take his passengers to Brendam Docks; the silver tank engine runs late having had to take a shortcut... and we've already gotten into the first of the episode's contrived coincidences. Remember my review on The Thomas Way? I've said that if you look at the 2014 Sodor map, there are no alternate routes. The line from Tidmouth to Barrow is very much a double (and in some cases, triple) tracked mainline - Stanley would end up at Knapford anyway regardless if he took a shortcut! Maybe there was a tree on the line? That would've made sense!

The Fat Controller says that some very important passengers are waiting at Great Waterton - the first engine there will pick them up, whilst the second picks up the workmen. (Has no one heard of things called timetables?) Gordon is determined to reach Great Waterton first, and when he sees Stanley ahead of him, he decides to take a shortcut. And now, contrived coincidence #2 - Gordon should at least know how to reach Great Waterton! He helped to restore it in The Great Discovery and was part of the parade in Tram Trouble! (For the record, I'm not doing a review on that episode.) Essentially, this episode chooses its own continuity - if you can't maintain consistency, you're going to confuse your audience. And again, there are no shortcuts on railways.

Gordon comes across Duck having a washdown and refuses his help. Later, he comes across Oliver and Toad and also refuses their help. Gordon comes across the logging station, and hears Stanley's whistle again, and as he rushes off, he runs into Ben's flatbed, causing logs to topple off and fall onto the lower track. Okay, new rule of thumb - any time a crash is slowed down in a Barlow era episode, it's very much a few points worth of low production values. It's not interesting, and it makes things look fake. And yeah, I have reviewed episodes with slowed down scenes in the past.

Gordon decides to ask for help on how to get to the lower track after the mess is cleared up. He comes across Oliver (with Toad) and Duck - again, for some reason; that's the third contrived coincidence - and they tell him on how to get to the lower track. Luckily, Gordon manages to stop Stanley in time, and lets him get to Great Waterton first. Also, aren't they already friends by now?

Yeah, the episode's pretty messed up. If you're wondering why I have hatred for What About Discord?, well, the answer's simple - people only like episodes solely based on the characters that appear. (Yeah, well, people just hate on Three's a Crowd for Flash Sentry's small appearance, but I digress.) With the season five episode, people seem to judge the episode based on Discord's role; in the case of Gordon Takes a Shortcut, it's the Great Western trio, Duck, Oliver, and Toad. I've said it many times, and I'm going to say it again; the story comes first. Without a story, the episode you're writing for will end up being a mess - I'm looking at you, Buffer Bashing! Speaking of buffers...

Season 16, Episode 9

Bust My Buffers!

Written by Sharon Miller

Oh boy, there is so much wrong with the episode. I'll just cut to the chase - Gordon insults diesels, gets his bufferbeam bent out of shape, and it breaks off at the Dieselworks. He twice tries to avoid having to wear a diesel bufferbeam, but is forced to wear it anyway, and realizes he should be grateful for the diesels' help.

Alright, now that I've got the summary out of the way, let's delve deep into the episode's problem. First of all, Salty says that an engine isn't an engine without buffers...

Yeah, that picture above summarizes how stupid that statement is. Let's not forget that not every locomotive across the planet has buffers - many of them don't need buffers in the first place! I mean, Bash and Dash don't have buffers and they manage fine, as do Connor and Caitlin with their fronts - considering their shape, that's understandable. If Salty had said it wasn't safe for engines to shunt or pull without bufferbeams, that'd make some resemblance of sense.

Speaking of, it's problem #2 - it's a BUFFERBEAM, not a buffer! How the hell do they get such terminology wrong?! I mean, is it that hard to do some damn research? And how are they that weak? If that were the case, then they'd be replaced weekly, plus Gordon has had several crashes that barely scratched his paintwork, let alone dent his buffers.

And then there's Gordon himself - he is absurdly unlikable in this episode. He's practically rude to the diesels by calling them yellow and stripy (to Arry and Bert, I think) and he claims that diesels don't fix steam engines. Not to mention this contradicts Ol' Wheezy Wobbles when Den said they don't fix steam engines. Here? They do. Make up your mind, Sharon, since you wrote both episodes!

To be fair, Mavis was written brilliantly (something tells me it's a "take that" towards the critics who scream sexist) as were Salty, Den and Dart, proving not all diesels were bad, but that doesn't make it any better than Day of the Diesels. I mean, the implications and behaviors could be imitated by kids in real life. Also, Thomas makes a cameo because why not.

Season 17, Episode 4

Gordon Runs Dry

Written by Andrew Brenner

Now we're talking! Back when Railway Mischief was released, people thought of this as the best episode in ages. Since then, we've had an episode introducing new rolling stock, a few episodes regarded as modern classics, an episode set within a special, a double-length Christmas episode, a simple episode with lots of great humor involved, and we even got an epic hour-long special that would make Hero of the Rails wet its pants. And yes, you could consider The Adventure Begins among the best if you wish to do so. Now then, how does Gordon Runs Dry fare today with me?

Today, Thomas is taking the Local on the mainline, and Gordon is pulling the express as usual. The big engine is waiting for Percy to fetch his coaches. (Don't even mention that he should be on Thomas' branchline; would you rather he go around chasing animals?) Afterwards, Gordon sets off. Meanwhile, Paxton is taking trucks from the Blue Mountain Quarry when he comes across Gordon; he brakes so suddenly that a stone hits Gordon on the boiler. Paxton suggests that Gordon be inspected for damage, but Gordon insists on continuing; the express can't run late. However, he begins to run dry and stops by a water tower, but seeing his passengers complain, Gordon decides to carry on regardless.

Feeling he can't stop for water, Gordon tries to think about something else, like naming stations (also, good use of following the NWR's mainline!) until he spots a lake. Later, he comes across a stream and another water tower. Again, Gordon skips the tower and eventually makes it to Wellsworth. Henry points out that Gordon is running late, but the blue engine decides to try and make up for lost time, and when he comes across water tower #3, he chuffs right past it without stopping... but he does stop eventually when he runs out of water.

Thomas notices a wet trail on Gordon's track and finds him stopped. Paxton also turns up, and Gordon remembers the stone hitting his boiler - it must've caused a leak in his boiler! Thomas takes Gordon's passengers for him (without the express coaches for some reason), and Paxton tries to shunt Gordon to the Steamworks, who at first refuses to move, but reluctantly gives in. I love that bit of dialogue, it made me laugh. Poor Gordon feels embarrassed, and when he's eventually repaired, the other engines tease him about it, but he doesn't find it funny.

Hmm, not as great as I remembered it, but it's still a really good episode considering it was Brenner's first credited script. Yeah, they used the three-strikes formula, but it was nowhere near as annoying as it was back in the Barlow era. Also, it was too convenient to have water towers out on the mainline, but it was still a good watch anyway.

Season 17, Episode 20

The Frozen Turntable

Written by Andrew Brenner

You know what I think is the worst episode in the new series? It's not Timothy and the Rainbow Truck, Steamie Stafford (which I'll get to in a later review), or even Henry Spots Trouble. Nope, none of them. For me, it's The Frozen Turntable. If Trust Thomas had problems with transitions, then this episode's got problems with pacing. Let me explain.

The Steam Team arrives at Tidmouth Sheds to find the turntable frozen in place leading to only one berth. The engines debate as to who should take the shed before deciding to offer it to Percy since he'll be out on a mail run, and Edward suggests that they all find other places to sleep for now. Emily and James sleep with Flynn at the Search and Rescue Center, Edward and Henry at the Steamworks, and Thomas at the Dieselworks. Yeah, the last one is actually quite shocking considering his behavior in Day of the Diesels. You know what's annoying? This goes on for about four minutes, and Gordon makes up excuses for not sleeping at any of the three locations (four if you count the waste dump) - an alarm going off at the Search and Rescue Center is kind of understandable, as is sleeping at the waste dump, but thinking of breaking down or not sleeping at someplace oily? Ugh, it sounds too much like Fluttershy in Scare Master...

Without any other choice, Gordon decides to sleep at Tidmouth Sheds, which later forces Percy to sleep at Whiff's Waste Dump. Time - five minutes in. They could've resolved the "find a place to sleep" part within two minutes, but instead it took four, and this has a negative effect on the episode itself. Gordon is unable to sleep due to the men working on the turntable, and in the morning, the turntable fixed... or not. As soon as it makes a turn away from Gordon, it freezes up again, leaving Gordon stuck. The Fat Controller isn't happy at this turn of events, so to speak, and assigns James to pull the express whilst Percy takes James' train. Do we see it? Nope! At the 7:50 mark, the turntable is properly fixed, and we don't see the consequences of Gordon's selfishness, which has been overplayed in the episode, I should note. As punishment, Gordon is made to pull the mail train, much to his dismay... and for us as we don't see it.

Yeah, because the first act of the episode took too long, there was so much missed opportunity. So much so that the moral (don't be selfish) kind of falls flat on its face. This is a similar issue I have with Friendship Games, as I'll get to next month. For now, The Frozen Turntable is my least favorite in the current era of Thomas - it's pretty drawn out, and the potential was lost. Not terrible, it's just... meh.

Episode Ratings:

Squeak, Rattle and Roll: 7.5 out of 10

Gordon Takes a Shortcut: 3 out of 10

Bust My Buffers!: 1 out of 10

Gordon Runs Dry: 8 out of 10

The Frozen Turntable: 3 out of 10

Thomas and Friends Season 8 Scorecard

4. Henry and the Wishing Tree: 7.5
14. Edward the Great: 8
15. Squeak, Rattle and Roll: 7.5
21. Halloween: 9.5
22. You Can Do it, Toby!: 4.5
25. Too Hot for Thomas: 2

Thomas and Friends Season 12 Scorecard

5. Henry Gets it Wrong: 1

9. The Party Surprise: 3

10. Saved You!: 3.5

13. Tram Trouble: 5

14. Don't Go Back: 1
15. Gordon Takes a Shortcut: 3

16. The Man in the Hills: 1.5

19. Push Me, Pull You: 0.5

20. Best Friends: 10

Thomas and Friends Season 16 Scorecard

2. Ol' Wheezy Wobbles: 1.5

5. Ho Ho Snowman: 1

8. Thomas Toots the Crows: 1
9. Bust My Buffers!: 1

10. Percy and the Calliope: 8.5

11. Thomas and the Sounds of Sodor: 1.5

13. Sodor Surprise Day: -10

18. Don't Bother Victor!: 2

20. The Christmas Tree Express: 0.5

Thomas and Friends Season 17 Scorecard

4. Gordon Runs Dry: 8
7. Henry's Hero: 5.5
12. The Thomas Way: 6
13. The Phantom Express: 7.5
16. Too Many Fire Engines: 9
20. The Frozen Turntable: 3

23. The Afternoon Tea Express: 8

24. The Smelly Kipper: 8