TUGS: Sunshine

Oh, this was a long time coming. Finally, I can get to review the episodes for Thomas' short-lived sister show, TUGS. What better place to start off than the episode which began it all?

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AND NO ONE ELSE'S

Sunshine

Written by Gloria Tors

Directed by David Mitton

We begin in the 1920s, and we're introduced to the Star Fleet run by Captain Star with his six tugboats - his harbor tugs O.J. (#3), Warrior (#5), and Big Mac (#2), his railway tug Top Hat (#4), his switcher Ten Cents (#1), and his ocean-going tug Hercules (#6). I know what you're thinking; why isn't Sunshine mentioned? Well, if they had mentioned him in the prologue, it could've spoiled the ending of the episode, but more on that later.

At dawn, Captain Star tells his fleet that he's charted an Up River tug called Sunshine to help with the extra workload and assigns Ten Cents to work with him. The captain adds that the ocean liner the Duchess is coming this afternoon and puts O.J. in charge of the operation whilst Big Mac leads the Duchess and Top Hat and Warrior assist on the side push. Meanwhile, their rival fleet the Z-Stacks (that's Zed-Stacks, by the way) - Zorran, Zebedee, Zak (not me), Zug, and Zip - led by Captain Zero plan to pinch the Duchess contract from the Star Fleet.

Later, Ten Cents is looking for Sunshine until the latter runs into him - quite literally, I should note! - and Ten Cents briefly explains to Sunshine on what's going on. Meanwhile, Zorran and Zak meet up with Izzy Gomez, who tells them that the Duchess has come in early, and the Z-Stacks report this to Captain Zero. Whilst Ten Cents and Sunshine deliver fuel for Sally Seaplane at Lucky's Yard, Ten Cents spots Zorran talking to Zip and Zug; they're plotting to get Big Mac stuck on a mudbank so they can steal the contract for themselves!

Warrior meets up with Izzy Gomez, and surprised by the tramper's news, he tells the other Star Tugs about it. Meanwhile, Zip and Zug succeed in tricking Big Mac, meaning the rest of the Star Fleet, with Sunshine's help, have to carry out in docking the Duchess without him. It's all going well, but Zorran goes for Plan B - get rid of Sunshine. So he rams against Sunshine's stern and he hits the Duchess' rudder, so Zorran can "help" the Star Fleet. Sunshine feels as though the accident was his fault, and Captain Zero is pleased with his fleet. Little did anyone notice that Izzy had seen everything...

The Star Fleet are cross with Sunshine for apparently ruining their chances with the Duchess' contract, but Ten Cents refuses to give up on him and goes out looking for him, but has a bit of difficulty with fog and Sunshine keeps evading him. Ten Cents does come across Lillie Lightship and Hercules, and later, Izzy Gomez, who reveals that Zorran was the one who pushed Sunshine into the Duchess' rudder.

Ten Cents returns to the Star Dock and tells the others that it was Zorran who caused Sunshine to run into the Duchess' rudder, and O.J. tells Big Mac, Top Hat, and Warrior to follow Ten Cents while the old paddle-steamer tells Captain Starr. They find Sunshine on a mudbank and apologize for accusing him for causing the accident. Oh, and Warrior remembers Izzy and goes off to give him a tow, which is pretty funny, by the way. Captain Zero is furious with his fleet now that they don't have the contract, but Captain Star forgives and welcomes Sunshine into the Star Fleet, and he becomes Star Tug #7.

A good first impression is very important for a new television series; if it does badly, then the show won't go very far. If it does very well, then the show might. For TUGS, Sunshine is accessible for anyone; it was fresh, unique, and it provided an introduction to what the show is about - two rival tugboat fleets competing for important contracts. Every story is unique in its own way, and Sunshine set up what the series would be like.

As for the rating, I'd say it's a very good 9/10 for me. The moral on jumping to conclusions was nicely handled for the eighteen and a half minutes of episode we got, although I don't really understand why they cut down five minutes worth of episode - if you cut out some of the important scenes, like Big Mac stuck on the mudbank, it's going to have plotholes and lead to some confusion! This won't affect my thoughts on any episodes are twenty minutes long, I just wanted to point that out.

Overall though, it's a great start to a very understated series.

Rating: 9 out of 10

TUGS Episode Scorecard

Sunshine: 9

Wallace and Gromit: The Wrong Trousers

To anyone reading this from the United Kingdom, happy Wrong Trousers Day! What better way to celebrate with the short film that began it the holiday - The Wrong Trousers?

In the film, Gromit obtains a pair of Techno Trousers for his birthday from Wallace, and later on, a penguin called Feathers McGraw shows up at 62 West Wallaby Street, leaving Gromit feeling ignored. However, he soon learns that Feathers is using Wallace to steal a precious diamond from the museum, and once back home, the pair (and the trousers) stop Feathers from getting away with his crime.

I wonder - how does a 30 minute claymation film engage me more than a 44 minute episode about rushed character redemption or a 60 minute episode with talking trains with racist implications? Simple; the writers for the film - Nick Park and Bob Baker - actually knew what they were doing, and told a solid story with visuals.

Speaking of which, one of the film's subplots is that Wallace and Gromit are in debt when Wallace receives bills in the mail, but he doesn't have the money due to spending it on Gromit's birthday presents. In connection, Feathers McGraw is wanted for a thousand quid as reward money, and since Wallace and Gromit caught Feathers, the pair are given the reward money and use it to pay their bills.

There's lots of moments where the visuals and the music (composed by Julian Nott) come together as one. For example, when Gromit spies on Feathers McGraw from a box, no dialogue is required to set the scene - just let the visuals do the talking! It makes it feel like a movie.

The suspense and emotions are done fantastically as well; you feel sorrow for Gromit when he thinks Wallace prefers Feathers to him, especially when it rains while he leaves. Then after he leaves, Feathers pulls out a drill in front of the Techno Trousers, and it fades to black, briefly leaving us to wonder what he's going to do, and then the following morning, it's become clear to us (and Gromit) that he's modified the Trousers to take control of Wallace, against his will, and use him as a tool to steal the diamond.

I can't review The Wrong Trousers without mentioning the iconic train chase now, can I? The way it was shot is absolutely amazing, especially since it was produced in the 1990s! It was filmed with go motion, using motion blur in each frame (this was also used for A Close Shave and Curse of the Were-Rabbit). The chase is unrealistic, granted, but do I care? No; it's meant to be silly! Besides, isn't Wallace and Gromit meant to be a comedy series?

Considering he's the only voice actor for the film, as well as in A Grand Day Out, Peter Sallis put forth his best effort as Wallace. It's a shame he's no longer voicing our favorite Yorkshire cheese-loving inventor, but then, Peter's well into his 90s and deserves a break. I just hope that this doesn't mean the end for Wallace and Gromit.

Final Thoughts

I absolutely love this film. The action is silly yet exciting, and the script shows that dialogue isn't always needed to tell the story. It might be 30 minutes long, but it feels like a movie. The Wrong Trousers is a movie I'd love to watch again and again. A pity I can't say the same for The Cutie Re-Mark or Day of the Diesels...

Rating: 10 out of 10

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989 Film)

So sorry I put this off; I've had other things to deal with and I'd forgotten to review this on the 22nd. But now, here I go with Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure!

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AND NO ONE ELSE'S

Excellent Adventure features our protagonists, the dim-witted, high school slackers Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted "Theodore" Logan of Wyld Stallyns (a misspelling of Wild Stallions, in case you're wondering), and their journey to pass their history course with an A+ so planet Earth can have a bright future, and their ally in helping them is Rufus from San Dimas, California in 2688.

Bill and Ted use the phone-booth time machine to collect several historical figures - Billy the Kid, Socrates (nicknamed So-crates), Sigmund Freud, Ludwig van Beethoven, Joan of Arc, Genghis Kahn, and Abraham Lincoln - for their oral report. They also accidentally bring in Napoleon (the short, dead dude) who's looked after by Ted's brother Deacon, and after finding Napoleon and saving their historical figures from prison for causing trouble at the mall, their report is a big success and they pass, securing their future (and Ted doesn't have to go to Oates Military School in Alaska).

Time travel stories interest me; what would it be like if we could travel to our favorite period of history? I've seen the Back to the Future trilogy (which I'll get to in a later review), and I've heard of Doctor Who, although it's a time travel series. Bill and Ted's story is about making sure their future has a positive outcome on the world, as well as the universe.

Speaking of which, Bill and Ted was originally going to use a car for the time machine, but it was switched to become a phone-booth due to similarities to the DeLorean in Back to the Future, and yet the phone-booth looks a bit like the TARDIS! Ah well. C'est la vie.

There's lots of funny dialogue in the film. Some of my personal favorites are when Bill and Ted cry out "Excellent!" out of excitement, and when they tell their past selves, "69, dudes!" (Don't ask me why I find it funny; look it up. How'd they get that past the radar?!) And yes, it's funny when they mispronounce "Socrates" as "So-crates" - it's pronounced "Sōkrátēs", in case you're wondering. Oh, and yes; if my best friend was hitting on my stepmother who was three years our senior, I'd be as mad as Bill too.

There's also physical humor throughout; when Freud holds a corndog or a cigar, it looks phallic, probably why the girls (that turn out to be the princesses from England) thought he was such a geek. And when Napoleon gets a gutter ball, he drops the S-bomb (as in, swearing) several times over in French.

In addition, in the Middle Ages, there's a reference to Star Wars with Darth Ted and Luke Bill, and the heavy metal pun. And there's hypocritical humor in the wild west when Bill tells Ted to have a poker face, and not ten seconds after, Bill realizes he's got three aces. No wonder Keanu Reeves became stone-faced in later movie roles...

If the third act confuses you, allow me to explain;

Early on in the film, Ted's father's keys go missing, and he's cross with his son because of it - the fact Ted's failing history doesn't help his father's patience at all. Then we must consider this scene:

Bill: If only we could go back in time to when he had [his keys] and steal 'em then.

Ted: Well, why can't we?

Bill: Cause we don't got time.

Ted: We could do it after the report.

Bill: Ted! Good thinkin', dude! After the report, we'll time travel back to two days ago, steal your dad's keys and leave them here!

Ted: Where?

Bill: I don't know. How about behind that sign? That way, when we get here now, they'll be waiting for us. *he bends over and picks up the keys* See?

Ted: Whoa! Yeah! So, after the report, we can't forget to do this, otherwise it won't happen. But it DID happen! Hey, it was me who stole my dad's keys!

Bill: That's exactly it, Ted! Come on!

Then they sneak inside the police station, and remember to get a tape recorder from Ted's bedroom to distract his father at 2:13 PM. Afterwards, they send a message to themselves, drop a trashcan on top of Ted's father in the jail cell, and do their report successfully. Afterwards, they return their historical figures home, steal Ted's father's keys, and the cycle is complete.

Similarly, earlier on in the film, when Bill and Ted first met Rufus, another phone-booth appeared with the pair several hours older, and a conversation ensures between them. Later on, we see Bill and Ted telling their past selves (or at least, Past Ted) to wind their watch. We also see the conversation Rufus had with the current Bill and Ted from earlier that we didn't see.

One thing I find odd is how on earth they struggled to fit NINE people in the phonebooth, and yet near the end, TEN people (including Napoleon) fit inside without trouble. There are moments where things show up from nowhere, like Bill and Ted knowing about Rufus' name, but... meh.

Overall, it's a pretty fantastic film, and it's another personal favorite of mine. It's a product of the 1980s, and Bill and Ted was from an era where movies and music were still at their finest. Oh, and rest in peace, George Carlin - it's been seven years since your death, and you're still dearly missed by all who knew you...

Rating: 9 out of 10

Henry's Worst Moments

Well, the episodes of Whale of a Tale have been released, and they're quite good... except for one episode featuring a certain green engine with the number three. I'm just so angry at that episode that I have to review his worst moments in the Barlow Era, and explain why his new persona should've stayed in that era.

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AS WELL AS THOSE FEATURED, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Of the Steam Team, Henry has consistently been given the short end of the stick in terms of character derailment. Edward had suffered in Edward Strikes Out, as did Thomas in one episode too many, whilst others like Gordon and James suffered from flanderization. Toby has suffered similarly to Henry, but I get to those soon enough. Percy and Emily are a topic for another day. But now, I'm starting with the episode which, I believe, was the start of Henry's downward spiral. In 2005.

Season 9, Episode 16

Henry and the Flagpole

Written by Paul Larson

A banquet is being prepared at the Scottish Castle. Henry likes going there as he can pass his favorite tree - the tallest pine tree in the forest. Surely there are trees taller than that? Or is it the tallest he can see? The Fat Controller sends Henry to pick up a new flagpole for the castle at Brendam docks, but Henry can't find the flagpole. However, he bumps into a flatbed, the flagpole rolls off, and Salty runs over it. Really, Henry? You couldn't see that it was on the flatbed before you bumped into it? And why were Henry and Salty not scolded for causing this mess?

Soon, Henry meets up with Toby, and apparently, the tram engine doesn't know that the tallest pine tree Henry can see could be used for the flagpole. Wow, both Henry AND Toby are idiots in this episode; a double whammy! The next day, Henry is to take workmen to the forest, but instead, he goes all around the island to look for a new flagpole. He sees flags being held by children, a flagpole holding up a windsock, and a flagpole near the beach. Yep, it's a three striker, very much like the three tall things Henry saw before he (and Salty) destroyed that flagpole. Annoyed with Henry's incompetence, the Fat Controller sends Henry to collect coal while Edward takes workmen to the forest.

The next day, Thomas (shoehorned like he usually is) meets with Henry and tells him that the thing you want is somewhere you wouldn't think to look. This part of the episode is boring and pointless. So, Henry looks everywhere, and even meets with Trevor, who will very much disappear into the background for future episodes. At Brendam docks, holidaymakers take pictures of an old ship with a very tall mast, giving Henry the idea to use it as a flagpole. At the forest, it turns out the tall pine tree isn't going to be cut down; the workmen need firewood for the bonfire. The banquet is successful.

Honestly, Henry wasn't the right choice of main character for this episode; if they gave it to Donald and Douglas - considering a deleted scene in Edward the Great - it would've been fine. But no. They had to give it to Henry instead as he needed an episode. Of course, he does try to save the tall pine tree from being cut down, and it's a similar case to the next episode below...

Season 12, Episode 5

Henry Gets it Wrong

Written by Abi Grant

Yeah, this episode is pretty much a blatant rip-off to Henry and the Flagpole above, and it feels like they wanted to fix the season nine episode, like how Pet Sitter Pat tried to "fix" A Pal for Gary, but it made things worse.

So it's said the wishing tree is the oldest tree on Sodor... yeah, sure. As if there aren't any other trees that are older than the wishing tree, which doesn't grant wishes, for the record. One day, after a summer storm, the wishing tree has been struck by lightning, and Henry is to take some special woodsmen from Brendam docks to the wishing tree. Henry takes the track passing the wishing tree and Edward tells him that special woodsmen sometimes have to cut trees down - surely Henry knew this by now, especially in Henry's Forest, which said you can't mend trees that have been felled? Remember this.

Later, Henry comes across Toby (with a snapped piston rod) and some oil tankers, and so he offers to take them for Toby. Why? Not to deliver them, but to block the tracks to the forest. Why would he do that when engines could simply shunt them away? Couldn't he have bumped them so hard they'd derail? Yeah, it'd be stupid still, but at least it would make some level of sense. He also takes Thomas' quarry trucks, Percy's milk trucks, and Emily's coal trucks, and blocks every track. Each segment was as long as one another, and it's tedious to watch and listen to after a while. Also, why did no one object to giving their trucks to Henry?

Soon, Henry has every track blocked, but he's taken so long that Salty has to take the special woodsmen instead. However, every track is blocked because of trucks in the way on the rails and not derailed. Did Henry think any of this through?! A CGI'd Harold tells Henry that the woodsmen can't get through to the wishing tree, surely they would've walked? I mean, it's not going to kill anyone to walk the remaining distance! So Henry clears all tracks and brings the trucks to their proper destinations and the woodsmen are able to save the wishing tree.

...except you can't, because if a tree has been felled or partially felled, then you can't save it. You have to cut it down instead. That's where Henry's Forest got it right and this episode got it wrong. Henry Gets it Wrong is a terrible rip off to Henry and the Flagpole, and the CGI doesn't save it from being bad. By the way, Henry's faces are creepy to look at. However, it gets worse for him...

Season 13, Episode 18

Henry's Good Deeds

Written by Alan Hescott

Let's start with the title; it's absolutely misleading. In no way was Henry doing good deeds for anybody. Even with the title fixed, it's still incredibly stupid. In fact, I'm surprised the episode doesn't make a lot of people's "worst of" lists. Still, let's talk about Henry's Good Deeds.

A new bird has been discovered on Sodor, creatively named the Sodor warbler. The Fat Controller sends for Henry to deliver a nesting pole to Bluff's Cove (which is on Thomas' branchline) and apparently Percy doesn't know what a nesting pole is. Yep, let's make him an idiot for the brief moment he's here, which was utterly pointless. Soon, Henry picks up the nesting pole and a coach and then he sees Thomas stopped on the mainline; he's letting Farmer McColl cross with his sheep. By the way, letting animals cross isn't a good deed - it's instinct we should take seriously as they are frightened of us as we are frightened of them. If we stop before animals, we're being sensitive to their surroundings and are saving their lives.

Influenced by Thomas'... *sigh* "good deed"... Henry sees Farmer Trotter's pigs at the side of the tracks, and then the muddy field on the other side, and then gets a not so brilliant idea by staying where he is so the pigs could cross without fear. By coincidence, they do, but Farmer Trotter isn't pleased as he was taking them to the county fair. But Henry gets another stupid idea by reversing, scaring the pigs and knocking over crates of apples. Fat lot of good that did, you big green dumbarse.

Thomas shows up again... somehow... but can't get across to the fenland fields, so Henry offers to take the visitors instead, and why was he going the opposite direction Thomas was going? Oh yeah, he has a nesting pole to take. I understand. Also, how did they all fit in one coach when it was said Annie and Clarabel - two coaches - were full? And why only five? Anyway, Henry, feeling pleased, blows his whistle which scares the Sodor warbler - yeah, that was a really good deed, idiot! Can you do anything other than screwing up your jobs?! Well, he's left the visitors behind. Big green git.

Lamenting his failed attempts at good deeds, Henry carries on to Bluff's Cove, and at the junction, the Sodor warbler lands on his buffer. By the way, why did it not fly away when Henry set off? It was scared by his whistle earlier in the day! At Bluff's Cove, everyone praises Henry for bringing the Sodor warbler to him. Really? Bringing birdwatchers a bird is a good deed? Wow, this episode really is stupider than I thought... Seriously, give the episode a new title, maybe something like Henry and the Bird, and it might've made some resemblance of sense, but no...

Two more episodes, and I want to give Henry a piece of my mind...

Season 14, Episode 20

Henry's Magic Box

Written by Sharon Miller

This episode was requested by Omeed Mirhakkak. I was going to save this (and the next episode) for December, but I feel I have to review this as soon as I had the chance, cause Henry's Magic Box is one of many disasterpieces in the Nitrogen era. There are so many reviews as to why this episode sucks that I don't think I have much to say here.

Three-strikes being utilized? Check.

Henry being an idiot? Check.

Pointless roles from characters without affect on the story? Check.

Pointless filler for most of the nine minutes where Henry worries and later on tells the rest of the Steam Team to come to Farmer McColl's by tea time? Check.

Yep, it's a typical Nitrogen episode, but what makes it worse? It had aired when Hit was still using the term Winter Holiday to be more politically correct, and we all know how that turned out... The plot of Henry worrying over a box - an inanimate object with no anthropomorphic features at all - is simply... well, it's stupid! That is like worrying over your television set at home while you're at work! When I leave for school, I never worry that any of my stuff will come to harm, maybe except for the chance that I may have left something behind, but I digress.

Another issue with the episode is that it feels like A Pal for Gary. How? Well, there's no scary creature that could give kids nightmares, granted, but Henry should not worry over a box, just like how SpongeBob shouldn't be worrying about Gary's safety while he's at the Krusty Krab! Maybe in season one, but that's another issue. And also, how did those trees fit in a single box? Are they secretly placing trees to mess with Henry?

I bet you'll want me to bring this up, and so I shall, the ending scene which has got to be one of the most infuriating endings in the entire series:

Narrator: The Fat Controller stepped through the trees. He looked just like Father Christmas.

The Fat Controller: Ho! Ho! Ho! Happy Winter Holidays to all my really useful engines!

Parent activists, is THIS the kind of tripe you want children to watch?! Trying to cover up Christmas despite that it's clearly visible on screen regardless if they're Christians or not?! And you can't use both terms Christmas and Winter Holiday at the same time, it just leads to confusion! Okay, they fixed it in season 17, but still! The Rev. W. Awdry was Anglican, and to get rid of the Anglican themes on Sodor is like getting rid of the underwater setting of SpongeBob - it does not work!

Henry's Magic Box has got to be the worst episode on the list, but I'm only reviewing the episodes based on airdate order. If I ranked them based on how much I hated them, this would be #1.

Season 16, Episode 5

Ho Ho Snowman

Written by Sharon Miller

Oh joy, we have an episode with Henry thinks a snowman can talk. We're going to have a fun time here(!)

Thomas and Charlie are shunting trucks... near Gordon's hill? Never start an episode with shunting on the mainline; that can cause trouble? Oh, and did anyone notice the story actually began ten seconds in? Usually, episodes start within twenty seconds, and to start an episode in half the time blows my mind, but it goes downhill (no pun intended) very quickly from there. And again, Thomas DOES NOT like snow; he hates it! And wearing his snowplough, but that's another matter. Oh, and stupid Charlie joke with an obvious punchline. Henry puffs by feeling miserable (then again, when isn't he miserable?) and tells Charlie he doesn't like snow, and is it me, or did he indirectly reference The Flying Kipper about toppling off the tracks in snowy weather?

So Charlie decides to cheer Henry up by convincing him that snow is fun, and so he hides behind a snowman and some trucks filled with snow, because... snow. Henry is startled when someone talks to him, and is surprised when the snowman tells him a stupid joke (really, it's Charlie), and Henry races off. Surely he could've seen it was Charlie?! Is Henry blind? Oh wait, but if he was, he wouldn't have been able to see the snowman. Charlie pretends to be the snowman twice more, and again, Henry is scared by the talking snowman and Charlie chases after him with the points set against him. Yep, a rare blip by Nitrogen.

Henry is at Tidmouth sheds, and Charlie puffs in to admit that he was the snowman, and apologizes for his joke failing on him. Emily and Edward then tell him (rightly so) the negatives of snow, and Charlie offers to help Henry, who accepts. Nice touch with the driver opening the shed doors, by the way. Also, why isn't Thomas fitted with a snowplough? Henry and Charlie make coal deliveries to Brendam docks safely and on time, and then they pass a tree with bright colored lights... It's obviously a CHRISTMAS tree! I know it had nothing to do with anything, but you can't get little details wrong, even if they don't affect the story! Then they return to the snowman and insert obvious joke to end the episode.

So, am I angry with Charlie in the episode? The answer is no; this is basically the young kid or someone who's a kid at heart trying to cheer up someone who's an old grump (Henry clearly wasn't) and get them to see the bright side. I believe Charlie's intentions, but the bad writing just ruined it. No, I'm more angry with Henry for being stupid for thinking a snowman could talk. I can say the same thing for Thomas and Edward for bowing to peer pressure so easily in Play Time and Charlie and Eddie as well, but I get to those soon enough. Ho Ho Snowman, on whole, was pretty ho ho horrible.

Final Thoughts

All five episodes demonstrate what happens when you focus on one aspect of a character's personality; with Henry, they focused on the fact that he was a poorly steamer before his crash, and they took the worrisome part of his persona and made it worse, just like how Patrick Star's stupidity became more obvious and unfunny in later seasons. For a story to be successful, you need to have the leading character well written, understood, and likable. None of those criteria were met with Henry in those episodes, and what made it worse was that it carried over onto the Thomas Renaissance, in Flatbeds of Fear, The Adventure Begins, and especially in Henry Spots Trouble (I'll review that episode when it airs in the UK).

Everything about Henry's portrayal makes me angry, and it feels as if the writers hate the poor guy! (Awdry might've as well, but that's another matter.) Why can't they take a page from Christopher's book (pun intended) and revert Henry to his grumpy old man persona? That's a far more relatable character that people can relate to in their lives! But instead, they kept treating Henry like a wuss, and this portrayal has made him one of my most disliked characters on the show.

Now, I don't hate Henry - he is a good character as long as he's in the correct writing hand - but I can't fully appreciate his TV series appearances if the writers don't give him the respect he deserves. If they can give Edward the dignity he deserves, why not Henry? If they aren't going to give him a starring role, they should at least try to get his character right! If you like Henry, stick to the books as well as the first five seasons. But now, Henry's charm has practically died, and Andrew Brenner is going to have a lot of work to do in order to revive it.

Episode Ratings:

Henry and the Flagpole: 2.5 out of 10

Henry Gets it Wrong: 1 out of 10

Henry's Good Deeds: 1 out of 10

Henry's Magic Box: 0.5 out of 10

Ho Ho Snowman: 1 out of 10

Thomas and Friends Season 9 Scorecard

2. Thomas and the Rainbow: 1.5

7. Respect for Gordon: 8

10. Rheneas and the Dinosaur: 1

16. Henry and the Flagpole: 2.5

22. Skarloey the Brave: 1

24. Thomas and the Golden Eagle: 1

Thomas and Friends Season 12 Scorecard

5. Henry Gets it Wrong: 1

9. The Party Surprise: 3

10. Saved You!: 3.5

13. Tram Trouble: 5

14. Don't Go Back: 1

16. The Man in the Hills: 1.5

19. Push Me, Pull You: 0.5

20. Best Friends: 10

Thomas and Friends Season 13 Scorecard

2. The Lion of Sodor: 1.5

3. Tickled Pink: 9

5. Slippy Sodor: 1.5

9. Time for a Story: 1

12. A Blooming Mess: 7.5

13. Thomas and the Runaway Kite: 0.5

15. Splish, Splash, Splosh!: 0.5

18. Henry's Good Deeds: 1

19. Buzzy Bees: 0

Thomas and Friends Season 14 Scorecard

1. Thomas' Tall Friend: 1

7. Diesel's Special Delivery: 1

8. Pop Goes Thomas: 0.5

11. Being Percy: 8

12. Merry Winter Wish: 1.5

13. Thomas and the Snowman Party: 0

16. Thomas and Scruff: 0.5

17. O the Indignity: 3

20. Henry's Magic Box: 0.5

Thomas and Friends Season 16 Scorecard

2. Ol' Wheezy Wobbles: 1.5

5. Ho Ho Snowman: 1

8. Thomas Toots the Crows: 1

10. Percy and the Calliope: 8.5

11. Thomas and the Sounds of Sodor: 1.5

13. Sodor Surprise Day: -10

18. Don't Bother Victor!: 2

20. The Christmas Tree Express: 0.5

TTTE S14E11 - Being Percy

Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it? It's time I got back to reviewing episodes of Thomas and Friends, and this time, it's a season 14 episode. Why? Well, I haven't been the most positive towards season 14 as of late, but I'm going to rectify that.

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Season 14, Episode 11

Being Percy

Written by Rachel Dawson

Yeah, I've really been tearing season 14 a new one, haven't I? There's the likes of Thomas and Scruff, Henry's Magic Box (which I'll get to in a later review), and Victor Says Yes (again, I will get to it soon), but then there's a couple of gems in that season, like Being Percy, for example.

Usually, I don't mention this in my reviews, but most episodes of the Nitrogen era do contain stock footage at the start, which very much adds to low production values. However, there was an unused shot from Tickled Pink, evident as James is shown in pink rather than red for some reason. With that aside, the episode really begins at Brendam Docks. Percy is about to collect his mail trucks, but Thomas and James - who have no reason to be here - are in his way. Then Gordon blows his whistle and Salty gets out of his way, giving Percy an idea.

When Gordon leaves, Percy demands for Thomas and James to get out of his way, which they do. Out on the mainline, Toby is in Percy's way, and he stops when Percy demands for him to get out of his way. Then Gordon passes by, even though he'd already passed Percy minutes ago. At the next junction, Percy gets off of Toby's line and goes as fast as he can. Unfortunately, he forgets to pick up his mail at Maithwaite.

Percy meets up with Alicia Botti at Maron, and she's waiting for Gordon to take him to Knapford, but Percy offers to pick her up instead (Thomas, Percy and the Squeak, much?). Unfortunately, he goes right past Knapford instead and continues speeding along the mainline. However, there's trouble in front - Gordon is on the same line as Percy! Luckily, Gordon is switched onto a siding, but unluckily, he hits the buffers and comes off of the rails. Feeling bad for the accident, Percy decides to just be himself and delivers Alicia Botti to Knapford.

Later, he meets with James and Rocky, who help him get Gordon back on the rails (why Percy couldn't take Rocky himself, I don't know). Then Percy finishes his mail run, and at Knapford, the Fat Controller tells him that he just wants him to be Percy.

Out of the season 14 episodes I've reviewed so far, this is one of the better episodes. It's got a moral that anyone can relate to - just be yourself, even though it has happened in other episodes... but I digress. There's the typical rhyming and repetition, of course, but otherwise, it's got a nice story, and that's what I like in a good episode. Coming from Rachel Dawson, sometimes one is all you need to make a good impression, just like Anna Starkey with Best Friends.

Rating: 8 out of 10

Thomas and Friends Season 14 Scorecard

1. Thomas' Tall Friend: 1
7. Diesel's Special Delivery: 1
8. Pop Goes Thomas: 0.5
11. Being Percy: 8
12. Merry Winter Wish: 1.5
13. Thomas and the Snowman Party: 0
16. Thomas and Scruff: 0.5
17. O the Indignity: 3

Top 25 Worst "Thomas is an Idiot" Episodes (7-1)

Alright, let's get to the really terrible - the episodes which, I'm sure, come to your mind when you think of terrible episodes in Thomas and Friends.

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AS WELL AS THOSE FEATURED, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

Episodes Rated 0.5/10

7. Thomas and the Runaway Kite

Season 13, Episode 13

Written by Louise Kramskoy

Review by Zack Wanzer

Like the Logging Locos, Charlie is one of the more infamous characters of the show until his (debatable) redemption in Not Now, Charlie!, and I feel that he's also overhated - probably because I think Billy is a much worse character. Surprisingly to everyone, Play Time didn't make this list, or the bottom six. And yes, I'll get to that episode eventually. But as for Thomas and the Runaway Kite, I don't think I have much to say about this episode; three-strikes, alliteration and rhyming, Thomas claiming he's the fastest... there's nothing good about the episode except for the animation, voice acting and music - even though it's hard to appreciate due to the narrator, but I digress.

Coming up with another entry from season 13, it's Mattstonge44 with Splish, Splash, Splosh!

6. Splish, Splash, Splosh!

Season 13, Episode 15

Written by Sharon Miller

Review by Mattstonge44

Cue some stock footage for the first minute, then we get to the story: Thomas and Rosie were both shunting some trucks in the yards at first, and then after the guard blew his whistle, Thomas and Rosie both began racing back to Tidmouth. Along the way, they eventually sped through a deep puddle on the tracks (it had been raining of course), and they splash each other, thinking it was fun. Thomas then backed up and splashed Rosie. Rosie declared it to be a fun game.

Here is one problem: Yes, it is fun, IF you were a human child, but a train's wheels would eventually rust if they stayed in water for too long. An example of HIT just not caring one bit about railway realism at the time.

Cue the Fat Controller arriving in his car, and he has a job for the two tank engines: Alicia Botti is coming to Sodor for a concert at the Town Hall which will be followed by a meal. The Fat Controller orders Thomas to have a wash-down before picking himself and Miss Botti up from Dryaw. Rosie is then told to collect Annie and Clarabel and take them to Dryaw for Thomas.

This is where the ever annoying three-strikes formula comes into play: On the way to the wash-down, Thomas meets up with Charlie at a red signal. Charlie is standing right next to a big, muddy puddle. Thomas thinks splashing Charlie will be a good laugh and does not take the line to the wash-down. Instead, Thomas travels through the muddy puddle and splashes Charlie, who just laughs it off and thinks that Thomas has invented a very good game indeed. That is strike one, folks.

Strike two comes in very quickly: Thomas puffs on his way and soon meets Emily at the next junction. Thomas was supposed to take the left track to the wash-down, but he doesn't want to miss an opportunity to splash Emily with rainwater. So, Thomas doesn't take the track to the wash-down and continues straight through the muddy puddle. Unlike Charlie and Rosie however, Emily was not amused by Thomas' game (no, duh!). Unbeknownst to Thomas, the muddy puddle has splashed over Emily's trucks of flour for Alicia Botti's grand tea. Hoo boy, talk about Thomas doing something unknowingly stupid.

Now then, like I've told many people out there, while I still hate S13-16 with a bleedin' passion, I still like Emily so much better here than in S8-12. Sure she still had some ways to go before she fully regained her S7 persona again in S17-present and became my all-time favorite female engine again too, luckily she still wasn't a complete you-know-what (begins with b, middle has t, and the end has h), and I did feel sorry for her when Thomas the idiot Tank Engine splashed her, and ruined the flour in her trucks.

Anyway, strike three comes just around the corner. Thomas soon meets up with James, who pulls up next to another large muddy puddle. Thomas is sure he has time for one more puddle before going to the wash-down and makes a decision to splash James, too.

Me: (to Thomas) Don't do it you foolish tank engine! (Thomas splashes James) Oops, too late I guess.

The rainwater drenches James and his flatbed, which contains ripe strawberry's for Alicia Botti's tea. Like Emily's flour, James' strawberries were ruined.

Here's another little tidbit: Emily and James don't have brake vans at the end of their trains, when they should have them.

At this point, Thomas still doesn't go to the wash-down like he should've just done in the first place, he decides to instead take the track past the river where he knows there will be a big puddle.

Me: What an idiot. -_-'

Thomas soon sees a very big puddle situated beneath a bridge. Thomas races through the puddle at high-speed, sending muddy rain water flying into the sky. Little does Thomas know, the Fat Controller and Alicia Botti were both walking over the bridge, and the water falls down and soaks them both. Uh-oh, trouble!

Trouble yes, the Fat Controller isn't too happy, especially when he tells Thomas that he ruined the flour (in Emily's trucks) and the strawberries (in James' trucks) for the grand tea. NOW Thomas realizes what he had done, well it's too late, he was so stupid to splash everyone he finds to begin with. He decided to finally go to the wash-down, but only to find that splashing through all the muddy puddles has extinguished his fire. I call that karma biting him in the bunker.

Rosie arrived here, and Thomas pretty much BEGS (or asks, whichever you wanna call it) for her help, and she agrees to by giving him some dry coal and pulling him onto dry rails. Later on, Thomas chuffed on his way, he then sees yet another big puddle on the track next to him. This time though, he resists temptation and gets on with making everything right.

Thomas arrives at the bakery just as Emily and James had brought fresh flour and strawberries, and they were both very mad at Thomas, with Emily telling him that they will both be late for the concert thanks to Thomas and his silly game (silly? I call it stupidity actually). Thomas offers to wait for the cakes and deliver them so that Emily and James can go and get cleaned for the concert.

Later on, Thomas clattered into the Town Square with cakes for the grand tea just in time (as always, that's a recurring memo in S13-16). Thomas then apologises to the Fat Controller for once again causing... (sighs and deep breath) confusion and delay (geez, can't we ever get *causing a disturbance* instead?). Then, Rosie pulled up next to Thomas and tells him that she found another muddy puddle, which will be perfect for their game. Thomas declines Rosie's offer and says that he has done enough "splish, splash, sploshing" for one day...hopefully forever. Happy ending you might say.

Extra Thoughts from Zack Wanzer

...what the hell had I just watched? The plot is so stupid that even Charlie alone has more intelligent by comparison! The behavior of Thomas (as well as Rosie) is so childish that it feels like he has become the Benjamin Button of Sodor (apologies to Brad Pitt)! Even James showing concern for something other than his paint couldn't save this pathetic mess with no educational morals and so much cringe-worthy dialogue I feel my brain had exploded - twice! In short, Splish, Splash, Splosh! should never have existed!

Five more episodes to go, and I want to kill myself...!

Mattstonge44's Rating: 2 out of 10

The Railfan Brony Blog Rating: 0.5 out of 10

5. Pop Goes Thomas

Season 14, Episode 8

Written by Mark Robertson

Review by Zack Wanzer

This is pretty much Slippy Sodor (see part 1 of the list) all over again, and ten times worse. I did have a good laugh at the Fat Controller's hat being knocked off, but this episode is just awful from start to finish, and considering Mark Robertson's previous entries on the list, why should anyone be shocked?

Well, well. You read through twenty-one entries, and you finally come across a terrible episode out of season 10.

4. Topped Off Thomas

Season 10, Episode 14

Written by Sharon Miller

Review by James Riddle

We start off with Thomas boasting that he can race faster than the wind, even calling it "Mr. Wind". Then he meets Spencer at a junction and finds out he's taking the Duke and Duchess of Boxford and Sir Topham and Lady Hatt to tea. He mocks Thomas for not being faster than him, causing Thomas to make a brand new angry face and challenge Spencer to a race.

Eventually they get to Kellsthorpe Station. Spencer stops, but Thomas races through at such a speed, Sir Topham Hatt's hat blows off. Thomas then goes to fetch it.

He goes all over Sodor chasing after the hat, from Bertie the Bus, to a Scarecrow, and a windmill, but the wind kept blowing it away. At last, he gives up and asks "Mr. Wind" to help him. Suddenly the wind lowers the hat onto Thomas's funnel, and he puffs carefully back to Kellsthorpe and makes the hat go onto the platform.

And now for the problems. First, why does Thomas refer to the wind as "Mr. Wind"? Couldn't he just say "I can race faster than the wind"? Second, why did Sir Topham Hatt say you're supposed to go slowly through stations when trains like the express have to go fast through certian stations? Just doesn't make sense. And third, why didn't he just buy another hat instead of having Thomas chase after it? Back to the "Mr. Wind" thing, how did the wind hear Thomas and lower the hat to his funnel? Almost kinda takes me back to Domeless Engines where it acted like the wind had a mind of its own. And how was it that even though Thomas went slowly, the hat didn't blow off from the breeze? Couldn't it have been caught by one of the crews?

Wasn't as good an episode as Too Hot for Thomas. Most memorable from this episode was Thomas's new face.

Extra Thoughts from Zack Wanzer

I didn't bother watching this episode, and with good reason too - it was downright stupid! Giving a force of nature a gender is like banning a kids show for showing woman's breasts - it's really stupid and pointless. That pretty much sums up Topped Off Thomas and Thomas' Frosty Friend (if I did include the latter on the list, as well as two certain S15 episodes, it'd be #4 at the highest). Having more episodes in a season doesn't mean it'll be better, and those two episodes sadly proved why that was the case. Thomas and Spencer's new facemasks were funny, but they didn't save the episode from being stupid. Seriously, Sir Topham - why can you not buy yourself a new hat?! I mean, do you have more money than common sense? Judging by this episode, you clearly do...

James Riddle's Rating: 5 out of 10

The Railfan Brony Blog Rating: 0.5 out of 10

3. Thomas and Scruff

Season 14, Episode 16

Written by Sharon Miller

Review by Zack Wanzer

Remember the issues I had with The Trouble with Mud about Gordon being forbidden to pull coaches just for being dirty? Well, Thomas and Scruff brings these problems to the forefront and does them ten, maybe twenty, times worse!

Whiff is shunting trucks at the rubbish dump when Thomas comes in. Whiff tells Thomas that he's very busy and must be finished by tea time. Thomas tells Whiff that he'll be getting a helper called Scruff the Scruncher and is going to meet with him at Brendam Docks? Really? Can you not introduce a new character alongside Thomas? Granted, it had happened in Welcome Stafford, but Thomas wasn't the main character, he was just shoehorned for no reason at all. Anyway, at Brendam Docks, Thomas meets with Scruff, and then we come to this line of dialogue:

"Thomas liked Scruff, but he was worried - really useful engines couldn't be really dirty ones."

Seriously, Miller?! Like, thirty seconds ago, Thomas was actually friendly with Whiff, who is even dirtier than Scruff, and now he's being discriminatory - again - to Scruff for being dirty?! Engines get dirty all the time and yet no one gives a damn, unless it's for passenger runs and special events like enthusiasts specials! Honestly, the implications left behind throughout the Nitrogen era are absolutely horrifying! (Trust me, it'll get worse from here on out...)

Thomas decides to give Scruff a "Welcome to Sodor" surprise (yay(!)) by giving Scruff a washdown. This terrifies Scruff and he runs away... again, seriously, Miller? An engine who's afraid of being cleaned with soap suds and brushes? That's like being afraid of sitting on the floor in your house - it's completely absolutely illogical!

Insert cliched chase scene that's absolutely pointless. Scruff hides behind bushes and won't come out. Then Gordon shows up with the express, followed by Henry, who is then followed by Percy with his mail train. This could've been cut completely, and you'd barely tell the difference... Whiff comes by with a long train of rubbish trucks, and he wonders where Scruff is. After Whiff leaves, Thomas manages to get Scruff out of his hiding spot by telling him there's trucks of rubbish waiting to be shunted (I know Thomas said "scrunched", but he probably meant "shunted") and that gets Scruff out of his hiding spot.

After picking up rubbish at the Steamworks, Knapford station, and the quarry, Thomas and Scruff make it to the rubbish dump where the latter meets with Whiff and they have fun.

All that Sharon Miller's scripts (eight of them) I've included on the list prove to me her strengths and weaknesses as a writer - if Sam Barlow's writing staff was a sports team, then Miss Miller would be better at playing offense rather than defense. Her writing for the characters of the show can come across as annoyingly repetitive at the best of times, and hypocritically discriminatory at the worst of times. As for Thomas and Scruff, I never liked the episode at all, for it's so boring and predictable, but then, that's what most episodes on this list so far have been. If it wasn't for that discriminatory comment, then the episode would've faded into obscurity and it wouldn't have ended up on this list. Okay, maybe it would've, but still. However, apart from Buzzy Bees, it gets worse from there...

Episodes Rated 0/10

2. Thomas and the Snowman Party

Season 14, Episode 13

Written by Jessica Sandys Clarke

Review by Zack Wanzer

Ugh... worst episode of season fourteen; terrible moral that stealing is okay, the use of Winter Holiday, the mention of Thomas and Percy as best friends, the alliteration and rhyming, the three-strikes - it snowballs (no pun intended) into one big, boring pile of garbage. Excluding Thomas' Frosty Friend, Up, Up and Away, and Wonky Whistle, we've got one more episode to cover...

And the loser is...

Ever wondered if Sam Barlow's writing team found a way to make an episode worse than Wonky Whistle and Fiery Flynn? No? Well, I'm not going to sugarcoat anything beyond this point; bottom line, Sodor Surprise Day is my new most hated episode of the show. Yes, I hate it more than season 15's biggest failures. The episode is just reprehensible from beginning to end, and it's done to me what Pet Sitter Pat has done to Mr. Enter...

1. Sodor Surprise Day

Season 16, Episode 13

Written by Jessica Kedward and Kirsty Peart

Review by Zack Wanzer

It starts off at Tidmouth Sheds where Thomas and Charlie are on either side of Gordon "surprising" each other. I agree with Gordon when he says "Sodor Surprise Day is a silly day for silly engines." Plus, Sodor Surprise Day is a stupid idea for a holiday as well. This scene could, and should have been, cut out of the episode, and the plot would still be the same. The Fat Controller announces that there will be a fireworks display at Callan Castle. Thomas is to collect the bunting at Maithwaite, and Gordon the fireworks at Brendam Docks. Gordon's attitude in that episode pretty much sums up my feelings to this pathetic excuse of an episode.

Anyhoo, Thomas decides to try and make Gordon laugh, and so he comes across Rosie shunting coal trucks and gives her a surprise just as Gordon shows up. Rosie laughs, but Gordon doesn't, and neither do I. How is this funny?! Later, Thomas comes across Whiff and gives him the same surprise he did with Rosie, and there's incredibly forced laughter and flying rubbish. IT'S STILL NOT FUNNY!! And also, how does Thomas get to Whiff before Gordon does? The loop-line strikes again(!)

Thomas shows up at Brendam Docks and "hides" behind some trucks. Gordon shows up, and as Cranky lists up the crate of fireworks, Thomas blows his whistle, causing Cranky to drop the fireworks and they fly everywhere... No, no, and NO! That is where I draw the line with playing in a dangerous environment! Those fireworks could've killed somebody and caused damage! I mean, seriously - were the writers so nonchalant to railway safety?! Oh, but it gets worse; the Fat Controller shows up and scolds Thomas for causing so much trouble and for not picking up the bunting... instead of, oh I don't know, telling him off for horseplay?! And what's actually sad is that Thomas decides to get Sodor Surprise Day back on track and he is rewarded for his naughty behavior with a washdown?!

I don't know what to say. Sodor Surprise Day has pretty much summed up just how stupid Thomas has acted throughout the Barlow era. The writers had done so much effort to make the little blue tank engine an absolute idiot, just as big of an idiot as a yellow sponge who abuses his pet and stalks his neighbor for a living. Thomas also displayed no concept of right and wrong, and he had become a sociopathic tank engine, thinking that he can get away with everything, without giving a damn as to whether or not people around him get killed or injured. It also affects the engines he would pretend to be friends with, those he pretended to laugh and play with. Why would people say that this was for kids?! This better not be for kids! I would never let my kids watch episodes like this, Wonky Whistle or Fiery Flynn, would you?

And so, to end this abomination, Harold the helicopter flies in covered in lights and it gets to Gordon to finally laugh, even though I'm certainly not laughing right now and instead, I'm cringing. It's not funny, not even the slightest bit "laugh out loud" funny!

Nothing about this episode is funny; it's so poorly written to the point it feels like the writers pulled the story out of their asses, and the implications left behind are absolutely terrifying. Childish behavior being performed in dangerous environments should be punished, and apparently, the writers forgot about that! Thomas and Friends was a successful show because while the stories were railway-based, they could tell entertaining stories with solid morals, and the writers knew right from wrong, and they did their research to boot. Plus, Thomas was actually a lovable character with charm that many kids could relate to. But throughout this list, he had morphed from being the cheeky station pilot who longed to see the world to a rhyming, racist, brain-dead idiot (apologizes to the mentally ill) who thought that he could do whatever the hell he liked! It had gotten on to the point that the writers thought it was funny! If the likes of Wonky Whistle, Up, Up and Away, Thomas' Frosty Friend, and Buzzy Bees are meant to be entertaining for kids, then Sodor Surprise Day is meant to be entertaining for kids!

Sodor Surprise Day, it is the absolute worst episode of Thomas and Friends, and it shows just how stupid the blue tank engine had become in seven years! Okay, they fixed him in season 17, but the damage has long since been done; the scars are too deep! If you have at least one brain cell and appreciate good story-telling, don't waste your time on this piece of rubbish!

...I'm done here. I am so enraged by Sodor Surprise Day - and perhaps the entirety of the list - to the point I want to use words I should not say here! The stupidity of the characters, the concept of this crapfest, the unfunny jokes, the unfortunate implications, just about EVERYTHING in this episode is downright reprehensible! I may be done with this list, but I am not done with the Barlow Era yet; there are a crapload of bad and terrible episodes for me to rip apart...!

Rating: -10 out of 10

 (it really is that bad...)

The True List

1. Sodor Surprise Day - -10/10

2. Wonky Whistle - -5/10

3. Up, Up and Away - 0/10

4. Thomas' Frosty Friend - 0/10
5. Thomas and the Snowman Party - 0/10
6. Buzzy Bees - 0/10

7. Thomas and Scruff - 0.5/10

8. Topped Off Thomas - 0.5/10

9. Pop Goes Thomas - 0.5/10

10. Splish, Splash, Splosh! - 0.5/10
11. Thomas and the Runaway Kite - 0.5/10

12. Time for a Story - 1/10
13. Don't Go Back - 1/10
14. Thomas Toots the Crows - 1/10
15. Smoke and Mirrors - 1/10
16. Let it Snow - 1/10

17. Thomas' Tall Friend - 1/10

18. Thomas Sets Sail - 1/10

19. Thomas and the Big Bang - 1/10

20. Thomas and the Golden Eagle - 1/10

21. The Man in the Hills - 1.5/10

22. Ol' Wheezy Wobbles - 1.5/10

23. Slippy Sodor - 1.5/10

24. Thomas and the Sounds of Sodor - 1.5/10
25. Merry Winter Wish - 1.5/10

26. The Lion of Sodor - 1.5/10

27. Thomas and the Rainbow - 1.5/10

28. Too Hot for Thomas - 2/10

29. Thomas' Tricky Tree - 2.5/10

30. Scaredy Engines - 3/10
31. Saved You! - 3.5/10

EPISODE SCORECARDS (out of 10 possible points)

Thomas and Friends Season 6 Scorecard

10. Twin Trouble: 7.5

12. Scaredy Engines: 3

17. Gordon Takes a Tumble: 8.5

24. Dunkin Duncan: 8

25. Rusty Saves the Day: 2.5

26. Faulty Whistles: 8.5

Thomas and Friends Season 8 Scorecard

4. Henry and the Wishing Tree: 7.5
22. You Can Do it, Toby!: 4.5
25. Too Hot for Thomas: 2 (officially)

Thomas and Friends Season 9 Scorecard

2. Thomas and the Rainbow: 1.5
7. Respect for Gordon: 8
10. Rheneas and the Dinosaur: 1
22. Skarloey the Brave: 1
24. Thomas and the Golden Eagle: 1

Thomas and Friends Season 10 Scorecard

7. Thomas' Tricky Tree: 2.5
8. Toby's Afternoon Off: 7.5

9. It's Good to be Gordon: 9

13. Edward Strikes Out: 1
14. Topped Off Thomas: 0.5 (officially)

20. Thomas' Frosty Friend: 0
27. James the Second Best: 5

Thomas and Friends Season 11 Scorecard

6. Gordon and the Engineer: 9.5
10. Thomas and the Big Bang: 1
11. Smoke and Mirrors: 1
12. Thomas Sets Sail: 1 (officially)
13. Don't Be Silly, Billy: 0.5
17. Thomas and the Runaway Car: 8.5
18. Thomas in Trouble: 7
22. Sir Handel in Charge: 1.5

Thomas and Friends Season 12 Scorecard

9. The Party Surprise: 3
10. Saved You!: 3.5
13. Tram Trouble: 5
14. Don't Go Back: 1
16. The Man in the Hills: 1.5
19. Push Me, Pull You: 0.5
20. Best Friends: 10

Thomas and Friends Season 13 Scorecard

2. The Lion of Sodor: 1.5
3. Tickled Pink: 9
5. Slippy Sodor: 1.5
9. Time for a Story: 1
12. A Blooming Mess: 7.5
13. Thomas and the Runaway Kite: 0.5
15. Splish, Splash, Splosh!: 0.5 (officially)
19. Buzzy Bees: 0

Thomas and Friends Season 14 Scorecard

1. Thomas' Tall Friend: 1 (officially)
7. Diesel's Special Delivery: 1
8. Pop Goes Thomas: 0.5
12. Merry Winter Wish: 1.5
13. Thomas and the Snowman Party: 0
16. Thomas and Scruff: 0.5
17. O the Indignity: 3

Thomas and Friends Season 15 Scorecard

6. James to the Rescue: 0.5

8. Up, Up and Away!: 0
9. Henry's Happy Coal: 5.5
10. Let it Snow: 1
13. Stop That Bus!: 6

17. Wonky Whistle: -5

20. Fiery Flynn: -8

Thomas and Friends Season 16 Scorecard

2. Ol' Wheezy Wobbles: 1.5
8. Thomas Toots the Crows: 1
10. Percy and the Calliope: 8.5
11. Thomas and the Sounds of Sodor: 1.5
13. Sodor Surprise Day: -10
18. Don't Bother Victor!: 2
20. The Christmas Tree Express: 0.5

Top 25 Worst "Thomas is an Idiot" Episodes (16-8)

Here's part two!

THE OPINIONS, THOUGHTS AND MUSINGS IN THIS BLOG POST ARE SOLELY THOSE OF ZACK WANZER, AS WELL AS THOSE FEATURED, NOT THE THOMAS FANDOM IN GENERAL

16. The Man in the Hills

Season 12, Episode 16

Written by Sharon Miller

Review by Zack Wanzer and TobyandMavisforever

Now, before we begin this review, The Man in the Hills was intended to be part of the Top 10 Worst Narrow Gauge Episodes list, but I felt I had enough season 12 episodes on said list, and I held it back to this list. I'm not reviewing this alone; no, I'm reviewing it with Rachel, aka TobyandMavisforever.

Rachel: Hello guys. Speaking on the Railfan [Brony] blog with Zack, aka Shimming Sparkles today.

Zack: Eeyup. Now let's begin!

Typical introduction; then we get Thomas chuffing into the wharf where the narrow gauge engines are. And guess what? Today's the Thin Controller's birthday.

Rachel: The Skarloey engines (Bar Peter Sam who is surprisingly absent) are all bringing things to the party; decorations, banners, balloons, flowers... wait, aren't banners and balloons decorations too?

Zack: Well, I suppose they are decorations, but you know what's even more puzzling? Sir Handel saying he's going to tell the story of a man in the hills. Seriously, this should've gone to Skarloey and/or Rheneas, or maybe even Duke (if he appeared).

Rachel: That's a good point. Part of me is saying Sir Handel has memorised these stories from when Duke told him in the past, but the series has gone so out of whack lately that I can't really pin-point anything. And I'm usually good at these headcanons.

Zack: So Thomas decides to go and find the Man in the Hills and Freddie offers to help, knowing the hills better than anyone else (there's older engines than you, Freddie!), but Thomas declines his offer. The ninny...

Rachel: Indeed. Then, Thomas leaves the flatbed and tells the SkR engines not to leave for the party without him. (Where will the party be exactly? Thomas, not all of the track on the SkR meets up with the NWR tracks) And we get the rhyme for this episode. Seriously? When exactly did Thomas and Friends become Dr. Suesse?

Zack: What, you don't remember little moments in season nine? Yes, they didn't appear too much, but it was a warning sign...

Rachel: Oh yeah... that kinda makes sense. I guess it went to the writers' heads too much. Who wrote this anyway... (Sees who did it) Uh... Sharon Miller...

Zack: Thomas sees a man dressed in white and thinks that he's the Man in the Hills (where's the crew?) and so he brings him back to the wharf, only to find out that it's the dairy man. Insert Skarloey and Rheneas laughing at him. Yep, totally out of character, and considering Push Me, Pull You... yeah.

Rachel: Then, Thomas leaves the dairy man on the platform (You'd think taking him back to the dairy would be better), and heads to the mill. There he finds another man in white and takes him back to the transfer yards. (Somehow, Duncan appears again, out of nowhere.)

Zack: Turns out it's the miller. No, not Sharon Miller - I mean the man who works at a flour mill.

Rachel: Now, the miller and the dairy man get worried about not being about to make the cake or the icecream, and the little engines are now upset at Thomas for bringing them to the transfer yards in the first place. (And, how did Sir Handel get back there? No, scratch that, why didn't you lot do your own jobs in the... uh! What question am I meant to be asking?)

Zack: I don't know either, but Thomas soon returns the dairy man and the miller to their respective locations (on a sidenote; how did the dairy man's suit stay white?) and he picks up the cake, not in a van.

Rachel: Thomas then meets up with Freddie at the junction, and Thomas asks Freddie for a shortcut. (Like I said, not all tracks on your railway, Thomas, meet up with the tracks on the SkR)

Zack: After following Freddie... somehow, he and Thomas arrive at another junction and find the white silhouette of a man. Wait a minute... Five minutes earlier, it was said no one had seen the Man in the Hills, and yet railway tracks run next to it?!

Rachel: I know. Continuity in a series is one thing, but writers, at least try to keep constant in the story your telling! Anyway, Thomas tells Freddie to gather the engines at the sight. The episode concludes with everyone (Peter Sam included, Rusty gone missing for one reason or another), at the party and hearing Sir Handel's story about the man in the hills (again, poor choice of characters)

Zack: And that was The Man in the Hills - an episode with absolutely no point to it whatsoever. Just to recap, it was dull, repetitive, and another of the worst episodes out of season 12. What was the point of the episode in the first place? (If anyone can answer that, I'd love to see what they can come up with.)

Rachel: I agree 100% Zack. It's a shame too, because I look forward to the episodes staring the little engines. And no, it's not just a girl with a crush on one of them talking. And, I feel that the engines doing a party for their controller's birthday is a sweet idea, but the writers took the wrong angle. If say, the engines were trying to make a surprise party for the thin controller while their drivers distracted him or something, the episode may have worked. It might have been cliched a little bit, but if the writers knew what they were doing, I'd be good with that.

Zack: But instead, they give us nothing. However, there's worse to come down the line...

Rating: 1.5 out of 10

Episodes Rated 1/10

15. Thomas and the Golden Eagle

Season 9, Episode 24

Written by Abi Grant

Review by Zack Wanzer

In the words of Duncan: "Typical!" There's more important things to do than to look for a bird no one is interested in! Except maybe a birdwatcher, but you know, nobody important. The eagles looked brilliantly crafted, but that was it. Nothing of substance really happens. Moving on...

14. Thomas Sets Sail

Season 11, Episode 12

Written by Sharon Miller

Review by Christopher Bouchard

This episode starts with an intro that shows how windy it is in a few second timeframe and shifts over to our starbilling boiler arriving at Brendam Docks. He explains that he has to take a sailing boat to the mayor's launch party. James gives a stupid reason as to why he should pull the wellwagon with the boat, and then Gordon does the same.

After Cranky lowers the boat onto the wellwagon, he tells Thomas to wait for the engineer so the mast can be lowered, but Thomas sets off because potatoes.

Thomas pulls the boat along the line, and he stops later on when he meets Emily. After Thomas basically orders Emily to gawk at the boat -- spoilers: she does -- he sets off again.

As Thomas passes Elizabeth at a level crossing, Elizabeth warns Thomas to be careful with the boat, but Thomas feels he is too important to take any notice.
Thomas, what are you smoking?! Elizabeth is right; if you are going to not wait for the engineer and set off from the docks, you need to be careful!

Thomas nears a low bridge, and Rosie warns him to "watch out." Thomas stops just in time, showing off yet another cliché from the Barlow/Miller era.
Thomas, why are you being so rude? You ignored Elizabeth when she gave the warning, yet when Rosie basically dishes out the same warning, you listen.  I guess his racist attitude of the Barlow/Miller era extended to steam-powered road vehicles as well.

Thomas takes a different route: one that goes through a huge mass of trees. It isn't a surprise when the mast gets caught in the leaves of one of them.
Thomas pulls hard until he breaks free. He doesn't know that the sails have unfolded...because the plot demands it.
This can only end so well (obvious sarcasm is obvious.)

The wind fills the sails, pushing Thomas along. Molly warns the blue engine to be careful, but Thomas doesn't hear her.

As Thomas approaches the launch party, Sir Topham Hatt/The Fat Controller tells him to slow down, but due to not being able to -- you can guess why, good viewers -- Thomas races past.

When he is a good distance away from the launch party, Thomas is finally able to stop because the wind dies down.
After he states the obvious, someone uncouples him, and Thomas goes back to the docks.

When Thomas arrives, Salty tells him that the engineer has arrived. The engineer boards the cab of our starbiller, who then takes him to the wellwagons with the boat.
The engineer rolls the sails and ties the mast down. Thomas then takes the boat back to the harbor, where everyone is pleased to see Thomas. The boat slides into the sea, and Thomas is glad to be Really Useful.

Extra Thoughts from Zack Wanzer

Oy... three godawful episodes in a row in season 11?! (I'm getting to that other one soon enough.) You know, I had completely missed Thomas ignoring Elizabeth first time around, and many subsequent (if any) viewings of this mess. Although I liked seeing Molly, it does not factor into my rating - if the story has flaws, then I don't care if one of my favorite characters appeared in it or not.

Christopher Bouchard's Rating: 3 out of 10

The Railfan Brony Blog Rating: 1 out of 10

And you know what? Three seasons later, Sharon Miller wrote a rip-off of this episode as the season premiere of 14! For some reason, this is the midway point of the list. I think I'll let Christopher do the talking here...

13. Thomas' Tall Friend

Season 14, Episode 1
Written by Sharon Miller

Review by Christopher Bouchard

This episode starts with a cliché intro that basically explains that there are lots of places to visit. It also tells us that on this "special day" (hur-dee-dur), an animal park is being opened.

And now, lazy shoehorning of Thomas? You got it! In all seriousness, there are several other small engines that could have filled Thomas' role, but nope! Gotta show dem kids teh Tamas!!

So now that we're at the Docks, Edward, Percy, and Gordon tell Thomas about their quote-unquote "special" jobs. Do I really need to elaborate more on why the "special" trope was terribly overused and brain-numbing back then and is still recognized as so now?

...

...

No? Didn't think so.

Thomas tells Edward and Percy about his job: taking a giraffe to the animal park.

Whoa! Hold it there, Miller. How do you expect a giraffe to travel on rail and not knock the cage off the flatbed? Animals can be more aggresive than the Miller-era episodes made them out to be.

Pointless gawking? Check!

Smart engines being puzzled by an animal's mere presence? Check-a-mundo, as they say in the business!

Stupid questions, the stupidest coming from the eldest and (supposedly) wisest engine? Bingo!

Cranky tells Thomas to wait for the giraffe keeper. Well, some sort of explanation for a giraffe traveling on rail safely is better than none, I guess.

Thomas races out of the Docks with the giraffe, by turning around through the magic of plot holes and setting off, without waiting for the giraffe's keeper. 

Now where have I heard of something similar before? Oh, I remember. The model era episode "Thomas Sets Sail"! Great. Not only am I dealing with terrible writing, but now I must accept the fact that the plot is a rip-off!! *groan*

Anyhow, Thomas pulls the giraffe, and the children cheer for him. Hippity-FRICKIN'-ray!

Thomas slows down at a low bridge and tells the giraffe to sit down. It isn't a surprise when the giraffe disobeys.

Thomas stops, and Gordon is coming up behind him with the mayor and Sir Topham Hatt, known as The Fat Controller to you British people.

Gordon stops and says his catchphrase. Gordon then tells Thomas that he needs to go back for the animal keeper. Thomas doesn't listen.

*sigh*

Thomas, you are being so stupid that even blissfully unaware ponies like Derpy are facehoofing right now.

The blue idiot backs into a siding to let Gordon pass, and needless to say, he doesn't go back for the keeper after Gordon has gone.

Edward The Wimpy Engine puffs up with his freight car of apples.

Stupid idea from Thomas? Check!

Edward being puzzled about something he should know the repercussions of? Check-a-rooney!

Edward agreeing after Thomas explains why he had the idea despite knowing that he shouldn't go along with it? B-I-N-G-O!

Long story short, the giraffe eats a ton of the apples from Edward's freight car, and unsurprisingly, Thomas' idea fails.

Edward tells Thomas to go back for the keeper, but Thomas is so braindead in this episode that he still doesn't listen to what is the best course of action.

Edward sets off with what is left of the apples.

Percy The Moron Engine pulls up with his load of leaves.

After minimal convincing, Percy agrees to help Thomas with his stupid idea.

All of the leaves disappear due to the giraffe playing with them. Surprisingly, the big animal sits down and goes to sleep.

I sense more clichés up ahead.

Thomas, with the giraffe, and Percy, empty car of leaves in tow, finally arrive at the animal park.

Let's go through the list I made specifically for this scene, just to highlight all the clichés:

Controller and/or visitor angry? Check.

Epic fail on Thomas' part? You bet your shiny bunker "check"!

Thomas says what he should have done to begin with and will do now? Bullseye!

Moving on. Thomas goes back to the docks and picks up the giraffe keeper.

Thomas then drops off the keeper at the animal park and sets off.

Cliché recollection of goods? Check!

On a slight side note, how are the goods replenished so quickly? Do the people of Sodor have psychic powers or something?

Thomas brings more apples and leaves to the animal park, where he and the giraffe are greeted by the cliché cheers of the people there.

Then, after Thomas says another obvious thing about the giraffe -- obvious obviousness is obvious -- he gets his picture taken with the giraffe.

Extra Thoughts from Zack Wanzer

Never start a season off with a terrible episode. How have the engines not seen a giraffe before? Furthermore, the way the giraffe was transported was extremely dangerous. And why are there no alternate routes? Oh wait, there are no alternate routes on railways, I understand. But seriously, like Christopher says, "this is a sad reminder of how far Thomas fell during the Nitrogen era" and it's a terrible rip-off to Thomas Sets Sail above.

Christopher Bouchard's Rating: 0 out of 10

The Railfan Brony Blog Rating: 1 out of 10

(for the animation and voice acting; none for the writing)

12. Let it Snow

Season 15, Episode 10

Written by Sharon Miller

Review by Zack Wanzer

Out of season 15, Let it Snow was the only episode to actually make the cut. If I had actually included Wonky Whistle and Up, Up and Away in the list, they'd rank very high, but more on that later.

This has always been something which bugged the hell out of me about this episode; Thomas wanting it to snow - really? I mean, considering past episodes like Thomas, Terence and the Snow, I thought he hated the white stuff (don't take that the wrong way) and the need to wear his snowplough! The song is just a rhyme, and it's a wintry rip-off to Happy Hiro - although, considering it's a Miller script... yeah. The scenery looked beautiful, but it's a shame it was wasted on abysmal writing. I'd imagine it the only way the series could go at the midpoint of season 15 was up, but sadly, it wasn't the case...

11. Smoke and Mirrors

Season 11, Episode 11

Written by Neil Richards

Review by Zack Wanzer

Aah! Good grief; it's the episode of elevens all around! Seriously - we're at #11 on the list, and it's the 11th episode of the 11th season of the show.

Anyway, the episode's title pretty much sums the episode - a load of Smoke and Mirrors. Shouldn't Thomas' driver have been involved? But then, the crews were nonexistent in those days; they only appeared when the plot demanded for it. Elizabeth's face (when meeting with Thomas at Maithwaite) is pretty ugly, and the plot is just stupid. Although I quite like the magician's accent...

10. Thomas Toots the Crows

Season 16, Episode 8

Written by Dan and Nuria Wicksman

Review by Zack Wanzer

Terrible. You can tell a Barlow-era episode could be bad if animals are involved, and this episode confirmed my fears. Why would anyone use a locomotive to scare crows away from a field? They have work to do! Although Gordon's painted mustache was funny, it didn't save the episode from being utter crap. Not as horrendous as Wonky Whistle, but it's still a bad episode.

9. Don't Go Back

Season 12, Episode 14

Written by Simon Spencer

Review by Zack Wanzer

No surprise we get a totally pointless intro to start the episode. Thomas and Diesel are given the task to fill trucks with stone so Henry can pick them up later on. Diesel brags that he can fill his trucks first, so he offers Thomas a race to the hopper... but backwards. Later on, Thomas bumps into Diesel and gets covered in stone and dust, much to Diesel's amusement. Thomas then offers round two to the washdown.

Mavis is having a washdown when Thomas bumps into her (don't take it the wrong way) and she comes off the rails, but Thomas doesn't notice. ("What a pillock!" - James May) Diesel then offers one more lap to see who's faster to the engine sheds. Unfortunately, they bump right into Arry and Bert and they go through the back wall. How are their faces so tiny?

Henry arrives, but his train isn't ready. The foreman scolds Thomas, but why didn't he scold Diesel as well? And why is he not making a huge fuss over the damaged wall?! Thomas then decides to finish the job he meant to start, and Henry can finally leave. Soon, Thomas helps Mavis, Arry and Bert back on the rails with Rocky and after he and Diesel clear away the rubble, they have one more race... this time, going forwards and both win.

I have a huge disliking towards that episode. Actions had no consequences, and they get away with everything! I would not recommend this episode for children.

8. Time for a Story

Season 13, Episode 9

Written by Miranda Larson

Review by Zack Wanzer

This is Miranda Larson's worst script; there are so many problems with the episode I can't list them all. I could say the same thing for every episode on the list, but meh. Books should be in vans, the crash is so bad it's not funny, and Thomas, as per expected, is an idiot! So much so that the moral is completely lost... The sooner these episodes are banned, the better.

Join me very shortly as we head into what have got to be among the worst ever episodes of the show!